Reminders February 2011.

我還是喜歡在臺灣的生活！

這次新年回去，臺北街上空蕩蕩，讓我體會到臺北的另一面。

去了日月潭，那兒的山水如畫，空氣新鮮，早上湖上的霧如仙境般，而且還好那天沒太多的大陸客:p 有空想再去台中玩，在那邊住個兩三天也不錯。

也在初一去了新竹縣 > 五峰鄉 > 桃山村 > 清泉 找娃夏阿姨，在那兒住了一晚。在山上最難忘的是我和妹妹第一次放鞭炮，是走吊橋看風景，是站在大卡車上兜風對大家大喊 “新年快樂！”，是在寒冷的晚上在路邊泡腳 (還有那超丟臉的事！呵呵) ，是天上那數不完的閃亮星星，是原住名的熱情（鄉長祝福我和妹妹我們這兩個陌生人有個美好的未來，以後娶個好老婆，嫁給個好老公 --- 姐姐說他是不是上臺演講的臺詞背太多了！），是很傳統的在地上鋪面被睡覺，是娃夏阿姨和的細心照顧，讓我們有個很美好的一段的2011新年回憶 :)

去了大葉幫忙會手忙腳亂，有時午餐時間排長隊，讓我和妹妹招架不住，還挨舅媽的批評，但我知道，批評是因爲要求我們兩進步，做事更有效率! 以前常看濃、姐姐、阿平哥哥在店裏做事，現在自己做起來才知道其實一點也不簡單！不用謝謝我們，我們吃了那麽多年舅舅的麵 （還有你們常請客），這也是應該的！ 謝謝你們帶我們去山上，去吃日本餐 （日戶屋）、法國餐 （SOGO台北復興館 10F 法樂琪精緻沙拉吧）、麻辣火鍋 （馬辣）、四川菜（西門町 & 忠孝東路 216巷），阿濬說的沒錯，他的確拜對 “乾家” 嘻嘻~ 也謝謝舅舅和阿平哥哥和我聊天，讓我發現我很多想法思維上的的錯誤，也同時給了我一些些生活上的小撇步和 idea..

謝謝婷婷姐姐（還有姐夫幫我買眼藥水，載我們上下山）還有你們家潔妹帶給我們的娛樂和快樂！現在有了小孩子，生活上開始忙得不可開交了哦~下次有機會再一起出去！

可惜我在臺灣沒幾天濃濃就要去日本遊學，但那幾晚在舅舅家裏晚上打電動，看電影，讓我很懷念以前小時候無憂無慮的生活，在深夜打電動直到舅媽起來給我們訓話 ！

還有，在泰順街住，肚子絕對不會餓的啦！阿公常到外面買便當或是去菜市場買菜回來煮飯, 謝謝阿公！

在臺灣的最後一晚去了淡水，之前下午去了野柳地質公園，與女王頭拍照，在海邊刮刮很涼快的風，在綿綿的雨中與姨丈、妹妹、承承、昱昱散散步，拍拍照，感覺還不錯！也真幸好當天沒太多的大陸客 :/ (還記得我們前面兩對大陸客霸佔女王頭超久的！) 謝謝姨丈也送我到機場！

最後，我覺得這次回去最辛苦的是姨姨了.. 每晚上玩班後還要幫我們想節目去師大夜市、景美夜市、五分浦買衣服、公關買東西吃東西、去永和吃牛排、去關渡宮拜拜，我生病時帶我去看醫生、又帶妹妹去配眼鏡... 回到家還要煩兩個小瓜的事，真是辛苦你了！

雖然這次回去又感覺臺灣/臺北人好像變得比較冷漠，不友善，素質似乎變差了一點（現在很多人搭捷運都不排隊了，很多人不禮貌，待人怠慢），但不管家裏、世界再怎麽紛紛繞繞喧喧閙閙，很欣慰我們這一家能團聚，回到臺灣總有一種從未離開這裡的感覺！

我已經開始想念臺灣，想念你們了~！

（差點忘了這次回去的其中最重要的事：姨媽中風住院，這次回去去探望姨媽3次，3次姨媽精神元氣都有進步。常回想起幼時姨媽帶我去大安公園餵鴨子，來家裏時一定會買一大箱我最愛的養樂多給我喝~姨媽人真的很慈祥..希望姨媽能早日康復，下次返臺能去姨媽家看看她。）

This trip has softened me a little bit..

But I was just trying to remember where the fuck I came from.. And who the fuck I really was..

And how things really are..

As a kid so many things were so perfect in my eyes

But now it just seems that the nice people weren't really nice

The people who's stuck through with me are the real deal in this life

When all these time I wanted to just settle down with a wife?!

Fuck that!

Who can feel the way I feel? Who can see the things I see?!

Who can understand the way things were? Who can you see?

It's me, so why can't you take this pill and swallow the fact

It's much easier if you could listen and follow the act

And maybe if you listened you wouldn't have fallen into that trap....

And still hold that pride of yours and be snorting off at the people who loved you

When they still loved you..

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY 2011.

So I told myself to be strong. And to learn to distinguish opinion from fact.

If I gotta crack my head and soul out to do the things I want, I've still gotta do it

It's the only god damn thing I know how to do.

random ink 290111

There's this emptiness inside of me, and it's killing me slowly
I've got so fuckin' many problems to contemplate, it's scary
My body has a mind of its own, it's tellin' me to live lazy
And my mind doesn't allow me to think too much, it's crazy
But when I switch on the tv, and try to direct my attention
To the public's attention and try to digest the information
I don't absorb shit.. It's the invasion of the fuckin' white noise!

random ink.

Holiday

My closest cousin's gone to Japan for a month.. And now I feel as though I'm on my own.. But I kinda enjoy this feeling.

I guess coming back was always gonna be a get-away.. From the fucked up routine life.

Ha, holidays are just great aren't they.

ON VACATION

17 Jan 2011 - 10 Feb 2011

Be back 11 Feb 2011, approx. 0200hrs.

Different things.. different lies?

Sometimes I think to myself if things could have been different
But on second thought they didn't give me shit back then
So what's wrong with this whole system we livin' in
Is our background the real problem? Come on who are we kiddin'
Can't you sense and detect? Over here don't expect people to show respect
This is the beauracracy we elect, the rest of us are just rejects
Not just in retrospect, in fact, just look at the history we've been buildin'...
Are we really makin' history..? Or have things been laid out before us..?

C'on stop lying already. We've fed enough brains with lies.

School of Thoughts

Nobody can understand the complexity of this brain or this soul.

I'm the motherfuckin' complex thought.

Zen.. The school of thoughts. Freethinking ideology is the future common sense.

The Music Box!

The Teacha. Xie.

Is it destiny..? Or is it just mere coincidental?

Some things are left unexplored, but the paths we choose are pre-determined by the imaginary scholar up in our head? Or are they imaginary at all?

Religious.. Non-religious.. Superstition.. Or just realistic?

But I know I was chosen for this shit.

There's no turning back.

Thoughts on my head:
- Subject to major in?
- Filial Piety?
- Music in my head.. In my blood.. Or in my soul..?

That's the god damn music box.!

Education.

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an empty one."

- Malcolm Forbes

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

- Aristotle

"The freethinking of one age is the common sense of the next."

- Matthew Arnold

Random..

"You may be a person to the world, but to a person you may be the world."

- Heather Cortez/ Brandi Snyder?

Fearless 011210

Ok, stop it with the emo feelings and shit

As though you need a few more quiet minutes

Fuck you, you been procrastinatin' too long

Don't kid yourself, you think you can sing songs?

Write songs, write lyrics, flow and shit?

You don't deserve to call your shit a decent lyric

You don't deserve to call yourself a lyricist

You don't deserve to pretend to be all of this

What now huh, you a loser, only know how you'd wept

Why you sad and down and depressed, everyone you ever got close to left

You ain't shit, motherfucker, and you know it

Don't try be to hard and try to be fearless and shit

We all know who you are deep down, a big fat clown

Tryna act cool with your fancy hip-hop sounds

You only be the joke of the town, but NO!

Fuck you all the doubters, even the friends I know

You never gave support to me and the shit I wrote

You call yourself a friend when I was alone and broke?

You evoke empty memories flushed down the drain

I invoke rhymes rewrote, delivered to your brain

I'm like a strain of virus, they call me contagious

If you mad at the shit I wrote, then I've succeeded

Like memory files deleted, I close you in a window

I kill you doubts to leave you lost like widows

Cause I be the motherfuckin' fearless

Since death made me stronger, fuckin' tearless

So we as a band, we got a plan to success

We killing bitches like we give a fuckless

I be feeling sick from so many farewells I've bid.

I'm sick of this... Still I stick with this..

Aha

Does anyone even hear my voice?

I guess it's a lonely world out there isn't it.

To you 011210

I know this girl who's fierce and violent towards me

And I have no idea why she hits out at me

I admit I tease her sometimes when I'm bored to death

But she retaliates like she wants the last of my breath

I used to call her bully for the way she treated me

It was slaps, punches and kicks when she greeted me

It was irrational, maybe disrespectful

But I thought that she was just a kid, she had no clue

The line drawn between being rude and being cool

Accepting that she was just a girl still in school

Maybe I was a nuisance, but I loved her responses

Like when she gives me the 'what-the-hell' expressions

In the short term I found it hard to accept

Being the target of her brutal attacks

But in the long run she became my source of fun

Someone to add in the colours in this life of a bum

It's not like I see or talk to her every day

But somehow when we meet there's always something to say

It's strange considering we never talked much

Before that it seemed like the result of her grudge

She didn't care much, and befriended me on Facebook

At a point of her life when she stopped being rude

And at this point of my life I was missing my own life

So when rumours that they were leaving were rife

Suddenly the whole world just crashed upon me

Life's a bitch trashin' on me, .. don't you agree

... ... ...

They were right, sometimes I do complain a lot

Regarding people on this shit land and what not

Neglectin' the people that were always around here

And then just right in front of my eyes they disappeared

She was right, we were never close anyways

So why would I care at all in the first place

As they leave behind everything they had on this island

They leave behind regrets in the hearts of empty men

Wishing they could have done something different

Wishing they could have been better cousins

But we were not, and it's now all but too late

On a Ar-Ess (r/s) report card, with a sub-pass grade

All I have is apologies for all that's amiss

And these words of wish(es), you're stronger than this

People change for the better or the worse, behold

So stay true and stay gold, and some day, some day..

Some day you will shine brighter than gold..

And I know you will shine brighter than gold.

Twenty-ten, what the fuck man?

Twenty-ten, what the fuck man

Gotta wake up those who are scammed

I know things gone change one day inevitably, but

This year will forever be unforgettable to me

What the fuck's happened in this shit year, I don't know

But as far as I recall this is how the story goes:

It goes one for the times the army fucked up my life

Like my JC times, I don't know how the fuck I survived

I know it ain't my style to be vulgar, but look

This is what you've made me, a monster, a stranger, a crook

And now it's proly gonna stick with me till I die

'cause no matter how much I try to severe this tie

I know there are things in life you can't unwind and unlearn

And no matter what, the past's a done fact, you can't unturn

A choice to regret, a friend to get, one to forget

I know what I be saying is sad, like carbon offsets

Concerted efforts to save the world from decay

But ha.. You critics are fuckin' hypocrites, don't you say

So this goes two for the truth you tried to guard and protect

The short tour equipped with guns and cigarettes

Wings on a bayonet, ha, who you jokin' wit

Where you think they actually picked up the dirty habits...?

It's in the year twenty-oh-ten, I stopped to pretend

Havin' countless friends when there's only a hand-full of them

I'm thankful to them, but I'm sorry you missed the list

Maybe in the next life our paths will intertwine and twist..

Third on my list I gotta say thank you to Buddha

For the scriptures you wrote and the way of the Dharma

I'm not religious, but knowledge reigns supremacy

And it's this philosophy I connect with in entirety

Experience speaks louder than speculation and threats

I just heard over the damn news that Korea was attacked

But man, whether you on the same side or not that ain't right

When will the death of humanity ever come to light?

It was the first, the second, and then the cold war

And (End) this mindless obeying to princes who wanna be raw

An idea radicalizes even the strongest minds

And you are the host, it's a virus one of a kind

So come and inhale some of this enlightenment

Befo' shits gets painful, shameful, an embarrassment

Stems from the very fact that punk, yea you got played

When you nod your head in agreement, 'you smarter at fifth grade'?

And if this sounds like the end of the world, that's proly 'cause it is

I won't speculate, but it's only so if you say it is

This fourth one goes to those who fight for their dream

Even when all hope is lost, you know it's the only thang

Worth living for, I never knew better before

IF NOT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ONE LIFE WORTH LIVING FOR?

A Freeman Once Again.

NZ 1943 (IB 05/ PACKET 6/ 39J/ with MARCUS & YIWEI)

Arrival:
06 NOV 10/ 0300HRS/ CHANGI AIRPORT/ TERMINAL 3

Things to do (Short-term):
1. JC CLASS CHALET on 07 NOV 2010
2. S2/ S3 BRANCH CHALET on 07 NOV 2010

Philosophy

Yiiiiiiifeng this is the song I was talking about at KTV that day! Couldn't recall on that day heh.

PHILOSOPHY

- Ben Folds Five

(from the 1995 self-titled album)

Won't you look up at the skyline
At the mortar, block, and glass
And check out the reflections in my eyes
See they always used to be there
Even when this all was grass
And I sang and danced about a high-rise
And you were laughing at my helmet hat
Laughing at my torch

Go ahead you can laugh all you want
I got my philosophy
(Keeps my feet on the ground)
And I trust it like the ground
That's why my philosophy
Keeps me walking when I'm falling down

I see that there is evil
And I know that there is good
And the in-betweens I never understood
Won't you look at me I'm crazy
But I get the job done
I'm crazy but I get the job done

I say go ahead and laugh all you want
But I got my philosophy
(Keeps my feet on the ground)
And I trust like the ground
That's why my philosophy
Keeps me walking when I'm falling down

I pushed you cause I loved you guys
I didn't realize you weren't having fun
And I dragged you up the stairs
And I told you to fly
You were flapping your arms
Then you started to cry, you were too high
Too high....

Now you take this all for granted
You take the mortar, block, and glass
And you forget the speech that moved the stone
But it's really not that you can't see
The forest from the trees

You've never been out in the woods alone
So you can laugh all you want to
I've got my philosophy
(It keeps my feet on the ground)
And I love you you're my friend
But you got no philosophy
Now it's time for this song to end

You got the heart?

Yo, it's true I used be a fool back in school

I wasn't rude but I was like a block of wood

Nice to you, whether you cool or uncool

I had no clue who was true or untrue

As a kid I wanted to be a writer

But never did shit; I was just a dreamer

Thought I was smart but I was just immature

Just another chess piece of a chess player

Oh-Four-Oh-Two-Oh-Seven, became smarter

Went on to read things beyond the paper

I guess it's weird I wanna be a rapper

Given how shy I was as a teenager

Always loved the poetry and the music

Now I'm thinkin' about producin' it

I've got my fears, but I gotta face it

One life, one chance, not gonna waste it

Now what do I have, got the rhymes to slay

Emotions to vent, too much words to say

But nothing much else apart from all that

At least I've got the heart and that's a fact

And motherfucker, that's the reason I killed ya back in twenty-0-seven.

You still want the life of a failure? No? Then get your fuckin' ass up and start workin' and stop procrastinatin'. Bitch.

Motherfuckin'..!

Some things I gotta get off my motherfuckin' chest..

I used to be mad and sad at the friends I lost
Put to the test of time but none of 'em passed the course
Mourned the lost, but I got right back up where I fell
Got a few new pals and FOR 'EM MY SOUL I WOULDN'T SELL
Every obstacle we've ever been thru tells, told
How much stick we've been havin' as a general whole
But I'm glad we made it, with a couple of outsiders
We've fucked the empty souls that used to reside inside us
We don't have a common cause, 'cause it's friendships that band us
We'll proly shrug off any offender who offend us
'Cause we're nice people who don't carry lethal needles
We're broke as fuck but we still treat them to nice noodles
But you know what, I'm sick of living aimlessly
I've been dreamin' of striking a balance successfully
Get rich enough to feed and house my entire family
Make 'em proud for who they know me to be..

So I wanna be..
A famous rapper who gives you quotable quotes
An inspiration who shows you and paves the roads
The man who re-wrote history for his country
The man I'm born to be and proud to be.. me.

So fuck everybody who doubted me and who still doubt me
I came back stronger and this time for real I'm ready
I'ma tear apart this fuckin' cage and own the stage
Rappin' from minimum wage to maximum wage
To let 'em all know I've come of my fuckin' age
And this ain't no facade or a god-damn corporate image
So you know why I gotta fuckin' win this..?
I don't wanna live with regret or havin' to swallow this

Now

Now

- by Eyedeas and Abilities

[Intro]

We're here to..
bring the people and the music and the movement all together now

We see through..
repetitive etiquette and the highly unoriginal

We're here to
bring the people and the music and the movement all together now

..They will lose..

[Verse]

Check it out now, check it out now
This is a necessary change from the grim simple and plain
Gonna exercise that brain to break the chain pain is a part of gain
No need to explain
We innovate to generate an intricately interwoven tapestry
of musical and ethical epiphanies
The interest is minimal
Im on an awsome mission with an angel
That can take it all the way to where the sun is
Just like a runner loving running
Tryina turn it into a simple symphony
Simple sentiment adrenaline is coming back
Im in the innercity, where i gotta be a superstar
Id rather be a galaxy
But how you see is so dependent on the medicine the rhetoric
And how at any second you think you could sit on the brink of this
World is all asleep and i have no apologies
I breathe
Keep my sight on what we ride on
Let bygones be bygones
The migraines dont sidetrack
My final destination nothing rivals predetermination
to exterminate the germination
Of a nation that accepts anything thats thrown in its fat face
'Cause when theres nothing left
Theres no more point to the rat race
We dont waste a minute of the day
Don't be offended what im saying
Trying to send it all way to another stage
A creative alternator rated and greater
The crazy maniac mellodies end up all up in your face wait
Success aint only based on self esteem
It takes a sense to differentiate between
Whats yours and someone elses dreams
I felt the screams climbing up my cold spine
Saying nows the time to put in all the energy
To get rid of the enemy... i said it so..

[Outro]

We're here to
bring the people and the music and the movement all together now

We see through
repetitive etiquette and the highly unoriginal

We're here to
bring the people and the music and the movement all together now

They will lose

Cuz music aint good if it got no style

sick of the same old thing

free us and touch what we cant see
twist that knife and watch him bleed
lost inside its way too deep
someone choke me
help me breathe

run from mistakes
right in my face
feels like im running in place

Gamblin' away this

Gamblin'.. Money makin'.. False-hopin'..

The first thing I want to make known is this

The power of the money is no stronger than my fist

And the fact that I've repeatedly cracked my wrist

Gives you a clue you proly didn't make my list

Get the gist, bitch, you just itchin' to get rich quicker

When I be laughin' drunk after I swallow this liquor

I'm a master of the mic, spit faster than you fight

The illest when I write, I'm fightin' for the right

To dominate this cordless mic with a few random lines

Tryin' to rock this stage like it was mine

Cleared the mine before you counted to nine

In time, before you see money for the last time

It ain't worth it, son, that life of a bum

You gon' be thankin' me 'fore the mistake is done

You probably gon' hate me for tryin' to lecture you

Tryin' to cure you because I care about you

This lesson is nothin' new, the intellects are few

And yea fewer are those who be direct to you

That's how I feel, try differentiate the fake from real

I suggest you trust me than try to check the seal

Most counterfeits got certificates they make up

Like poisonous lead in your dangerous make up

It's like investments interventions that you take up

But you still ain't listenin' to my words dude, please wake up

For God's sake, fuck, it's just a topic up in my mind

I've been contemplatin' 'bout leavin' the past behind

But it's temptin' me, attemptin' me, urgin' me to grind

I'm a lost guy, truth in religion I'm tryin' to find

I don't know business so I got a few books to read

They say the secrets in these books are for me to heed

Persistence is essence, wit hope I plant this seed

I don't know what it means but I see the roots bleed..

Sand in a Glass

These nights get a little colder and I'm gettin' older

Enthusiasm's drained, with heavier pressure on my shoulders

What happened to the dream of being a teacher

The day I realized how much data were being censored

What happened to the 'happily ever after'

The day you decided to pen your feelings in that letter

Wrecked my heart broke inside out, shot thru' like a clout

Leavin' me dehydrated in the season of the drought

So the truth I found out, puttin' things beyond doubt

Retarded, that I used to think I couldn't live without

A girl in my world, got me thinkin' irrational;

Livin' life like one of 'em movies, fictional

Illogical, unattainable, unsustainable

This love life's pathological, but still correctable

I avoid gettin' myself in that situation again

But here I find myself fallin' into that quicksand again

Exhaustin' my final mental capacity limits

Tryin' to adjust and resettle in this place I fit

So I run and I hit, but I slipped on my trailing feet

Back to square one, sucked in, dyin' to the scorching heat..

Asian.. So what.?

Okay this is it, I'm comin' into this game for real

No more 'maybe I will', 'cause I know this time I will

Stick true to the game, showcase my charisma and skill

Amplify my name, MCs on stage ready to be killed

Ready to be filled with rhymes and random punchlines

I been consumin', I'm tryna' make up for lost time

That I been procrastinatin', so here's the bottom line

The dark times are over and I'm here for the sunshine

You probably don't understand me but that's fine wit me

But from now on, take some time out and listen to me

When I be spittin' the truth on a simple sixteen

You be enlightened by what you're about to see

First hand, no gimmicks, just me and my rhymes

Spittin' nonsense over this microphone sometimes

'cause we deserve to have some fun once in a while

Now put your hands up, listen up, and give me a smile

.. ..

Now my identity's probably gonna hold me back

If you gonna talk shit 'bout an Asian, hold it back

In fact, you probably gonna talk 'bout me being stateless

Let's face it, there's millions out there in poverty, homeless

Why you makin' it a big deal the state my country's in

When there's more Mexicans illegally migratin'

FUCK YOU if you ain't know the history behind all these shit

Actin' like you were qualified to POP SHIT..
But you ain't, so know your position and be quiet

And truly, truly hear the words of this Asian poet

Who's mastered this foreign language and he bites back at you

Rememberin' his roots, I'm me and I'll never be you

I'm proud of the fact I'm a hundred percent Asian

Product of the values of Confucian education

That's out of sync. with the American equation

Fuck it, fuck fake rappin' with a fake caucasian accent..

Don't F***ing Quit

[Verse 1]

I'm overwhelmed by emotions, fuck all these sentimental shit

Like that night I was sitting down at the stairway, quiet minutes

With myself, alone with no-one else, reminiscing the cool shit I've done

But then I realised I ain't got too much of that shit.. Lack of fun

Lack of funds, lack of firepower in my word armoury.. Guns,

Cigarettes, but I'm glad I never started smoking, hallucinatin'

About the sex and the drugs, the power and the mighty thugs

In a way I was blessed, always well-informed 'bout the rags and rugs

Sometimes I gaze upon the stars at night and wonder naively

If I were one of the stars that were destined to shine brightly

Though I may not be the dopest of all lyricists you'll meet

I'm still gonna the productive citizen the society needs

And no i'm not being humble, I know the limits to my strengths

I was never born to do the sciences, or apply the stats in maths

I honestly used to be filled with thoughts of envy, jealousy

Seein' the kids around me, everyone doin' well except me

Disillusioned with life, I did think about givin' it all up

But something in life told me to look on da bright side, chins up

Took a few moments, a few moments too much, reflecting thru' life

Life, life on a whole.. Maybe it wasn't my fault.. This system ain't right..

[Hook]

Don't give up.. Don't give up.. Don't give up.. Don't give up.. (x2)

(Yea you) don't give up.. Don't give up.. Don't give up.. Don't give up..

[Verse 2]

There's two possibilities when a dick doesn't fit a pussy

Or maybe the pussy doesn't fit the dick, obviously, you see

The system's flawed, everybody knows that unequivocally

But curiously nothing's been done to provide the remedy

All the talk 'bout reducing inequity and the income gap

Is like vacuum in a fuckin' bag, a concept you just can't grab

The media keeps tellin' us they implement the welfare

Then again I keep seein' people livin' in absolute despair

And the worse part of it all, you can't talk shit, yea keep your mouth shut

But you don't, and they repeat the same shit, havin' your message cut

Havin' your platform shut, "quiet and chew on your betel nut"

And fuckin' with more controversy in the form of cigarette butts

What the fuck, I only patriot if I serve national service?

Understand the need for equality, but whose interest is this?

Back to the days of monarchy authority hierachy,

You want me to think like a man, but behave like your pet monkey?

You can't have your cake and eat it man.. It's either this or that

You discourage multi-tasking, remember? It's as simple as that

So as I sing in tune and recall the moments I spit and rap

I teach myself to look thru' the loopholes and avoid the trap..

[Hook]

Don't give up.. Don't give up.. Don't give up.. Don't give up..

(Yea you) don't give up.. Don't give up.. Don't give up.. Don't give up..

[Outro]

People laugh and mock and scorn,yea they talk a lot and give that smirk

Fuckin' Asians, they don't understand the truth in my work..

It's a pity, 'black music' in they eyes, can't tell the truth from they lies

Rappin' in constellation, I'll shine the brightest, yea that'll be nice..

Indifferent

This was a rhymezone that once belonged to me, completely
Then it distorted and became what I didn't forsee
A lost soul without directions, always complainin'
Always bitchin' 'bout my fucked up life in my writings
But the days just went by and the years just flew by
I couldn't see myself goin' further with these rhymes
Black music, they call it.. Huh it ain't that simple
Because nobody understood what I used to scribble
And nobody felt the way I felt about it
People always sayin' 'ah, I went thru' the same o' shit'
Life gets on and on and on, don't worry 'bout it
Some day you'll look back and laugh at these same o' shit
So you see these guys liked to think they ain't worth it
But I was unlike them, I wanted to be different
I didn't want to be another one of them road side trees
Like 'em used to say, or another fish in 'da fuckin' sea

22nd May 2010

Windows Vista Date & Time Synchronization:
http://www.howtogeek.com/howto/windows-vista/dealing-with-windows-vista-time-sync-problems/

Word:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sinister

Thought Product:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=960099

Been having weird dreams lately..

1) People talking behind my back while I was asleep. But those weren't really insults/ mockery. They were complaints about my habits, which I don't think is negative at all. One of it was about my meticulousness, lol.

2) Me going deaf. I dreamt I've been hearing these weird electrical shockwaves, which according to a doctor, is a sign I'm going deaf.

3) People around me attempting to get me to smoke. I refused, but I was tied up and these motherfuckers were putting tobacco powder into mouth and setting it on fire. But don't wanna die in their hands. I don't wanna die yet, there's just too many things out there for me to fulfill.

聽說愛情回來過

聽說愛情回來過

曲：李思菘
詞：李思菘

在朋友那兒聽說

知心的你曾回來過

想請他替我向你問候

只為了怕見了說不出口

你對以往的感觸還多不多

曾讓我心碎的你

我依然深愛著



在朋友那兒聽說

知心的你曾找過我

我要他幫我對你隱瞞

只是怕見了面會更難過

我對以往的感觸還那麼多

曾給我幸福的你

我依然深深愛著



有一種想見不敢見的傷痛

有一種愛還埋藏在我心中

我只能把你放在我的心中

這一種想見不能見的傷痛

讓我對你的思念越來越濃

我卻只能把你把你放在我心中



對你的聲音 你的影 你的手

我發誓說我沒有忘記過

而關於你選擇了現在的他

我只能說我有些難過

我也真心真意的等過

Bring it away..

I used to think they were a part of my short life
Like who's gonna be my best man when I marry a wife
But now these feel so distant in my memory
Because as I went on with my life, they've forgotten me
Remember the times we used to hang out daily
There were so many, I gave up scribblin' in my diary
About what we used to joke in that old classroom
Arm-wrestling and kickin' balls that smashed the broken room
And after school we gave it all in matches
We tackled, we stumbled, we fumbled, got up and made dashes
Moments that defined our current ability
So we pushed on steadily and worked hard consistently
Because in that second we had very nice dreams
Dreams so inspiring we formed our very own football team
Though we weren't unbeatable we never lacked steam
A formidable pair we made, I never thought I'd lose him..

Old Article.

Can't believe people also came across and appreciate an article that I appreciate deeply too =)

Stanford Report, June 14, 2005

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rebel_Without_a_Cause

When She Loved Me

When She Loved Me



When somebody loved me,
Everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together lives within my heart
And when she was sad,
I was there to dry her tears
And when she was happy,
So was I
When she loved me

Through the summer and the fall
We had each other, that was all
Just she and I together,
Like it was meant to be

And when she was lonely,
I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me

So the years went by
I stayed the same
But she began to drift away
I was left alone
Still I waited for the day
When she'd say I will always love you

Lonely and forgotten,
I'd never thought she'd look my way
And she smiled at me and held me just like she used to do
Like she loved me
When she loved me

When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together lives within my heart

When she loved me

Ordinary..

I wanted to thank God one day for my existence
Givin' me life and strength to live thru' the seasons
But give me reasons, to face all these confrontations
And the consequences that comes with it, lesions
Life lessons, everyone wants to be special
Stand out from the norm, but I wanna be normal
Like another molecule in the hot flask thermal
Sometimes I get angry and temperamental
I flare up 'coz I'm flammable, I rage in my fury
Keep me burnin', alcohol swipes to injury
I scream in pain when it eats into my flesh
Tell me, HOW THE FUCK am I supposed to stop this rash
It starts creepin' up on my arms, on front of my neck
It grabs me by the throat when I get nervous and sweat
But what am I supposed to do huh, live in a air-con cell
Away from the sun and the fun, I'd rather live in hell..
Than to be kept hostage..

[Hook]
There's a cure that heals me..
GOD you're torturin' me..
Fuckin' censurin' me..
Can't I be ordinary?

I'm full of apathy, indifferent to your state of mind
I struggle to live on, but I'm losin' hope in mankind
Schools pledgin' to educate but I find them propagate
Ideology for the people we all love to hate
Nature reserves brushed aside for development
Number one top priority, our entertainment
Homogenizing your world and mine, my culture and yours
Embracin' the carcinogenic burger fleet force
Can't y'all see the fuckin' problem here? It puts me off
We don't see the need to resolve it 'fore the world froths
... incomplete.

history

I don't need you comin' back and forth knockin' on my back door
Pretendin' to be down 'coz you regret your deed when you were raw
You were wrong, 'coz you started pointin' fingers in the blame game
Talkin' shit behind me, try'na defend your image and name
And three years down the road you still wonder why you left me
Alone in the dark, along the paths of hollow, deathly
You had the death of me, but I was reborn on fourth February
An infant with collections of previous life memory
Insane, 'coz time after time they came back to haunt me
Like how many times I gotta say "get the fuck away from me"
I'm doin' fine and I don't need nobody's fuckin' sympathy
So hear me out, I think you need a fuckin' therapy
Insane, 'coz when we meet face to face I don't say all these
In fact it's with you in this time of space I speak the least
Can't bring myself to tell you straight in your pitiful face
That I hate talkin' about happenings in that phase
It's only givin' me the distance between my friends and I
Now I don't even know damn (them) friends and you know exactly why
And I can't hide from history, that state of sorry..

..Beautiful..

Actually watched Disney Pixar's 'Up' when it first came out early this year, but having watched it again on DVD with my siblings just now, I feel that its theme song, "Married Life", is so.. beautiful.

Hope to learn how to play this song on the piano one day!

God Loves Ugly..

Nice to listen to some old music.

Atmosphere - GOD LOVES UGLY



I wear my scars like the rings on a pimp
I live life like the captain of a sinking ship
The one thing that i can guarantee
I'm like a stepping razor, i suggest you stay fair with me
Been payin dues for a decade plus,
Before that i was just another face on the bus
Tappin my foot, to the beat on the radio
Dreamin 'bout the mic and the money and the ladies
Oh mom, i promise im gonna be large
Someday im gonna stop tryin to borrow your car
Gonna go far, with charisma and skill
Until they put my face on a million dollar bill
Atmosphere, its just a ten letter word
Discretion is the name of my cement-feathered bird
And if you didnt hear, fuck whatevers heard
I think you got the sickness i suggest you get it cured
Caught up in the mix, of a bottle full of fix
Im gonna hobble down the street 'til i reach knob creek
Its not that i dont like you, i just dont wanna speak
You fuckin freak
Now keep your days out my week
The world keeps a balance, through mathematics
Defined by whatever youve added and subtracted
Im pushin on the hammer, to trigger the brain
Embrace how i live it, god loves ugly

[chorus]
God loves ugly...

Once upon a time in minneapolis, yo
I damn near had to steal the show
I stepped on the stage, who is it?
My names slug ive come to kill a couple minutes
Whats up with the way, that everybody gathers around each other
So they can steal each others sound
If its all about gettin down with the get down
How long i gotta wait for these fools to sit down?
Appears more clear in its simplest form
Nobody sees tears when youre standing in a storm
Abandoning the norm, and handling the harvest
Measuring the worth by the depth of the hardships
I welcome all the hatred you can aim at my name
I held on to the sacred ways of how to play the game
When the soldiers started runnin short on rations
I began tappin the egg, to spark the hatchin
Make it happen
And take this captain to the gallows
I keep steerin us into an area thats shallow
Talkin to my shadow, he advised me not to worry
He said i should plant my tree and let it rise out of the fury
So give me some light, a little love and some liquid
Im gonna creep through the night
And put a plug in the spigot
And when the water grows
And the dam starts to overflow
Ill float atop the flood, holding on to my ugly

[chorus]

Why scream, when you can lose yourself inside the wide-screen
Let life be a bowl of melted ice cream
Or be the deer thats caught in my high beams
Im rollin with the lights on, scared stiff
Reality is just too much to bear with
Paranoid, walkin around careless
No wonder youre in love with your therapist
Go to sleep my little time bomb

Future..

Just thought maybe I should start readin' up on the things that I'll be studying in university.

Sociology: http://socioblogsg.wordpress.com/events/
Economics: http://www.nus-ens.com/
Political Science:
Psychology:

Can't find the other blogs (if there's any) but I'm gonna start readin up first =)

Well time to start gettin' back in touch with the outside world I guess.

Things to do:
1. Get driving license.
2. Play harmonica/ piano well.
3. Maybe start learnin' a new language?
4. Read up on my own background and some history stuff. Always wanted to know more but never had the channels to learn.

Early dusk..

I thought I'd be fine if I had some time to my own
So I locked myself in the room, I switch off my phone
Wishin' to have some peace to myself, serenity
But on the contrary, I found nothing, honestly
I need some consolation from someone else
Something else, something tells, from somewhere else
I don't know how long more I can hang on here for
Before I drop dead on the floor oblivion what I was here for..

"Back and Forth"

The music I used to listen to had some kinda attraction that none of the other genres will ever have.

People just need the strength to believe in the power of this music..

And so do I.

I don't wanna give up yet.

"Back and forth.. Hold me back"

Unhealthy.

This life I'm leadin' isn't healthy for me.. It's weakenin' my will to live strongly man.

Exacerbate..

I can't take this anymore..

Let me go.

indiff.

I used to hate superficial people, don't get me wrong
I still do hate muhfuckers addin' to my list this long
I still got a lot of clearin' up to do, I still have a whole lot of things to spill
How you said I whined as much as the little brown dog down the block
But you never knew the day would come you'd be suckin' your own cock
Eatin' your own hat, complainin' 'bout the work you did
But FUCK YOU you ain't doin' half of what I did
You ain't gonna get yourself impressed with the people around ya
Fuckin' foolin' around wit the people who made you tremble, ya
Made you shit in your pants, reminder who could boss ya
You just a dirt in the eyes of the many, always actin' busy
Always actin' silly, tryina act maturely, sound immaturely
But as the nights grew older the wind blew colder
I laughin' at beauty in the eyes of the beholder..

Fuckin' indifference I am feelin' inside.

reminiscence.

Some two, three years ago I gave up friendships in exchange for somethin' else..
Now I find people in my situation at that time.. It's just so reminiscent.

Hope some day I'll find you somewhere somehow.

Spark.

Please don't talk to me for the time being. I need to be left alone for a while. I need this break. Perhaps, yea you were right this break has been prolonged and dragged on for some time already. I don't know, months? Maybe years. I don't know how or why or when I ended up in this state I currently find myself in. I need the strength to start anew somewhere, somehow and sometime after this long, draggy 22months 'break'. 14 months more?

I don't know. I've been too fucked up. I hate giving myself excuses, but I need something or someone to get my psyche back up. I just need some breathing space, some personal time for myself.

Like a wick that had burnt too fast.. Haha gotta find some way to ignite it back.

And no.. I don't need a religion.

Why Ray?

We see rays of light every single god damn morning. It comes and goes, but as the dawn lights up the dark with the glittering rays that the sun sets upon the earth, it feels like.. hope. You may have had shit, still going thru shit or will go thru shit someday. I am going thru shit, some people empathize, some people fail to visualise, some will not sympathize.. Some people have their daily dose of happiness, laughter and joy by buildin' upon other's misery. Some people can do shit about it, some people want to do shit but are to afraid, some people just can't do nothin' about it because doing shit about it bears dire consequences that will probably scar one's life forever. I am goin' thru shit. But nevertheless, the morning's golden rays, though temporary and never will be the same every day, symbolizes the hope I will carry with me each day as I put on a fight in this struggle I call life.

Ray is not a name. It's a perspective.

And if one day you can't see the rays anymore.. Hope isn't gone for you.

I know of some people who can't see a single ray of light anymore.. I wished I could do something about it. I wished I can treat them better. But I don't know how.

How you used to be down when the world stopped turnin' around
How you used to smile to me when the others could only frown
But now I find us swappin' positions, in different locations
You used to be active, in the high status quotation..

Fuck i don't wanna talk about it anymore. I've said about it one time too many.

Not being able to see rays doesn't mean hope is gone for you. You just can't see where it's comin' from.

So keep your spirit high, keep hopin'.

Dirt.

Diamond in the dirt, it's here in the heart that hurts
Hearin' the dark whisper, you dance with the lady in skirt
Some wise guy got you disguised to try to get in it
But you oblivion the same guy is tryin' to win it
Unscrupulous, it's ridiculous, his ideas ludicrous
Take a stab at you, take a jab at you, laugh at you
Because you never knew how to counter that shit
And you'll never ever learn how to tackle that shit
It's a hardware written in me that's too much too bear
Encrypted into my fuckin' mind, ready to declare
A war on this superficial shit, you don't know shit
Talkin' about my history when you know none of it
Don't comment if you have no background in the first place
I'll bury you underground livin' forever in disgrace..

Enough is Enough.

Another late book out.
Book out at 2111hrs.
Reached home 2305hrs.

Fuckin' hell some people just don't get it.

I was feelin' like shit, down with flu, and I had to put up with your fuckin' attitude that's pissin' me off every single day. I could have just let you deal with all the shit but no, I had to put up with it, I had to do it, it was my responsibility. I don't need people's acknowledgement, gratitude or fuckin' sympathy. No, I just hoped you could have been more considerate and just left me alone.

I don't need your hypocrisy, I don't need your fuckin' lies, I dun require none of your cockiness, none of your arrogance, none of your I-assume-all-rights kinda attitude that you possess. Please, no, i don't need that shit.

I'm tired of confronting the same shit everyday, so please, please don't push me.

Judgement

So darn busy today. Friday late book out today. 7pm but it's my job and I can't have any complaints so many people would die to be in my position.

Can't imagine what time can do to people I never knew
Just can't imagine how people can buy the case you sue
Can't imagine how many chances in my life I've rued
Can't imagine what it's like to never be understood
Rule of the thumb to always be rude, always be crude
If you never signed up for this then I suggest be mute
'Cause I can't imagine myself swallowin' in my sorrow
Always shinin' glow, shiny gold, but ha, they will never grow..
I'm losin' my thoughts and principles that brought me up
Knocked down like a timbre, but it always got me up
I might never get to your legendary kinda level
I'll never rest my case till I hear the sound of the gavel...

Used & Loved.

The best feeling in the world when you meet new friends that you can't stand to be without. That you constantly want to impress to make them like you even more. They make you hope everyday that they won't leave you. Until that day when they actually do, and you're lost without them. You can't think about anything else but when you're going to see them again..


Gee. Thanks for the mail friend.

20 August 2009 1118hrs.

Used vs Loved

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr. old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car.

In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father.....with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?'

The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions... sitting in front of the car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.

The next day that man committed suicide.



Anger and Love have no limits; choose the Love to have a beautiful, lovely life.

Things are to be used and people are to be loved, but the problem in today's world is that, people are used and things are loved.

Let's be careful to keep this thought in mind:
"Things are to be used, but People are to be loved".

Be yourself.... This is the only day we HAVE. Make it a great day!

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder.
God bless you; I hope you are having a wonderful day!

The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not PROTECT you.

Stay FAITHFUL and Be GRATEFUL

If you don't pass this on to anybody, nothing bad will happen; if you do, you will have ministered someone.

God bless!

Mark --> Unread (1)

23 July 2007 22: 56PM email.

A long forgotten email I think even the sender won't remember this. I wonder why I haven't read it (it was left unread in my inbox for some reason).

Subject: FW: Have Some Laugh

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm >afraid it's too heavy.

A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gavel on his table and shouted, 'Order, order.'
The drunkard immediately responded, 'Thank you, your honor, I'll have a >scotch and soda.'

Man Quits Smoking Because Of Will Power.
He Quits Drinking Because Of Will Power.
But He Quits Womanizing Because He Has The Will But No Power.

Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter: Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer: No, I can't.
Waiter: Then does it really matter?

Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting, 'Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!'
'That's great, Sweetheart,' said her daddy. 'Come in to the living room and tell me about it.'
'Well,' began the confession, 'I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science.'

Customer: Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That's all right sir, he won't drink much

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

Customer: Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter: I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

1st thief: Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief: Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

Teacher: Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamt that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love.

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master: Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer: I bet you, it won't.
Post Master: Why not?
Customer: It's addressed to Mumbai.

Barkin' at the Moon..

'Bolt' OST
'' Barking at the Moon'' (Jenny Lewis)

I have got so much to give
I swear I do
I may not have nine lives
But this one feels brand new

Yes I've lived a good one
I have tried to be true
There are some things I never realized
Till I met you

How the wind feels on my cheeks
When I'm barking at the moon

There is no home like the one you've got
Cause that home belongs to you

Here I come
Back to you

There is no home like the one you've got
Cause that home belongs to you

Well I was in trouble, bad
I was so confused
I may not see in color babe
But I sure can feel blue

I have been a lot of things
They may not all be true
My experience was so mysterious
Till I met you

Now the sun will rise in the east
But I'm barking at the moon

There is no home like the one you've got
Cause that home belongs to you

Here I come
Back to you

There is no home like the one you've got
Cause that home belongs to you

There is no home like the one you've got
Cause that home belongs to you

There is no home like the one you've got
Cause that home belongs to you



Bark at the Moon: to protest in vain.

If you don't know what to do, you "don't know whether to wind a watch or bark at the moon".

Dogs bark at the moon because instictively, when their ancestors were in packs, they would howl at the sky to keep track of the rest of the pack's movements, or alert other packs in the area.
An astronaut dog would NOT howl at the earth, as no one could hear it. Dog's may be animals but they have common sense.

LOL smth I read up online via google.

20:22

Finally NDP is OVVVEEEERRRRRRR! =)

politics.

These nights I find it hard to sleep without the light on
These fights I find it hard to rip without a sight on
The clock on the wall keeps tickin' away, right on
Turnin' cannibalistic, fuckers are what I bite on
Grind on, I chew and I live, grew out of my shirt
That's why I'm never goin' back to bein' a nerd
See I never said much in school, pretendin' to be cool
But as I grew up I realised it made more sense to be fool
School was never meant to be educational;
It was meant to be degradable, teachin' you to be lethal
And pounce on every single chance to survive
Even if it inflicts more harm to your friends you derived
I always saw it comin', they say 'once bitten twice shy'
That's why I never shed a tear since my tears went dry
Now you know why I love politics?
'Coz you fuckers don't know how much I own it
Wisdom doesn't come with age, I hope you know it
You can't gain it by livin' thru every single minute
Bred internationally, I speak sensationally
More rationally, illegal occasionally
Motherfuckers know shit about me, they tryna judge me
But see the only pillar of strength I have is within me
So if you thought I always relied on someone else's
Will, please pussy, you just one of those hypocritic dwellers

That's why I love politics

Untitled.

Just keep goin' on..

poison.

Had a lil' too much drink over at the table there
My mind started to swirl, I had to breathe in some fresh air
I pulled back my chair, my mind was tellin' me to 'back off'
But somehow my heart was tellin' me to drink and let off
My internal frustration holdin' me back from misery
It's been troublin' me, it seems like I get away scot-free
Puttin' up a blur front and pretend to be retarded
But ha.. act blur and live longer.. that's how you become smartened..

And I never will let my mind succumb to poison.

Ill

Iller than you think.

Thanks....

6th July 2009; 1700hrs at City Hall MRT

After COS duty on Sunday, left camp at around 0830hrs after helping Marcus guide vehicle to prep for the parade. Thanks staff for promptly typing my Off letter to release me on time =D

Reached Pasir Ris at around 1030hrs, home at 1045hrs or so.

Actually wanted to have a nap (there's always a lack of sleep during duties), but I can't remember what occupied all of my time. Had to unpack my stuff, wash my clothes, I think I went out for lunch I think, can't remember honestly =X

Left house around 1620hrs, reached punctually but somebody was late =X haha went up raffles city to walk for a while.

Met pat at around 1715 I guess. Received my present (thanks) and had to help someone carry her box of shoes haha. Went to buy tickets first before we walked all the way back to raffles city to have mos burger, something pat craved for for some time already. She had emi burger while I had teriyaki burger.! I think we idled there for some time before we decided to catch the 1900 movie. Was slightly late but as you guys know gv movies come with complimentary many many many commercials haha.

Ice Age 3 was enjoyable, the animation was immaculate, and the plot was substantial; in fact I felt as though I was watching Toy Story when I was a kid all over again! And with a friend it was even better! Trust the reviews on this one when they say it's even better transformers2 haha!

The movie's duration's slightly shorter than 2 hours, so after the movie we hung around at pan pacific, walkin around aimlessly and takin' silly pictures hah.

Had to leave before the last train left, went clementi where we departed our ways.

Reached home 0100hrs the next day. Tired. Oh yea. Not mentioning my whole family questioning me why I was carrying those shoes -.-

Think! THINK about where to go tomorrow!






7th July 2009; 1730hrs at Clarke Quay MRT

This time around it was I who was late... =X

I overslept on the train to raffles place, had to take the train back to city hall then to dhoby ghaut.. heh she was waiting for me on the platform but I didn't know so I went up the escalator to the mall. sorry about that eh.

We walked to the newly-renovated Liang Court Shopping Centre, she wanted to go to the Japanese supermarket (Meidi Ya), where she seemed keen on gettin everything she could bring over back aust. haha. In fact she bought a few boxes the Japanese crackers! I bought this box of cookies which u could draw on it using chocolate bits and cream.

Had Ra-men at Liang Court, I don't know why but it seems everytime she's back we seem to only eat Jap food ha.

Took a stroll along Clarke Quay, before the long awaited ice-cream! but darn we should have seen the turkish ice-cream stall first! haha.

Before she left we went listening to some caucasian guy singing at a pub. He sounded pretty good on the guitar singing 'I'm Yours' (and some overture I can't rmbr what song it was) and 'I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing'.

Her dad came to fetch her home, talked to JiaMing for a while on the phone for a while. What happened for the rest of the day remains a blur. All I could remember was I was a lil down, what the fuck was I thinkin' man. I might just regret it for life.

Sing-along-song

Sing-along-Song

Singer: Khalil Fong

Music/ Lyrics by: Khalil Fong



I wrote this song it's not too long

'cause I've been thinkin' about you

I wrote this song maybe I'm wrong

To be caught up about you



Well I don't know what you think about me

Or maybe you think nothin' at all

But maybe you could just lie to me

And we could be in love you see



[CHORUS]

Oh it's a sing-along-song it's not too long

It's when I think about you that I hear songs

And you can sing along maybe if you want to

'cause baby I wrote this..

I wrote this.. For you.



I wrote this song it's not too long

'cause I'm the one who loves you

I wrote this song this can't be wrong

I don't wanna smile without you



Well I just want to make you happy

But maybe you want nothing at all

And how I wish that you're meant to be

Forever and a day with me



[CHORUS]



[BRIDGE]

In every way you mean more to me than you'll ever know

Girl I'll show my best to show these words are true

And if you'd like to make a song

And be a perfect harmony with me

Oh I'd find the greatest words to sing

So we could write our own romance

And..



[CHORUS] X2

Birthday thanks..

Thanks..

to first of all, my family. Thanks to my Mum for treating the whole family to buffet at nihon mura (ehub) on 12th july 2009. Thanks to my Bro, Sister and mum (again) for coughin' up the money to buy me an ipod touch. Thanks for the company always. Thanks mum for givin' me life. Thanks to my lil bro, though there was no gift from him (he's expecting me to give him one for his bday haha), thanks for the company, even though I get mad at him sometimes but yea it's niec havin' a kid as a bro. Thanks to Dad for the birthday message I got from him, even though you can't be here physically, but we all know how hard it is out there being the sole bread-winner and workin' your heart out for the decent living standard we're having, and to prepare us kids for future college fees. Really appreciate that. To 姨姨，謝謝你一直以來的支持，謝謝你對我們的要求不厭其煩！我生日那天你寄來的簡訊，提醒了我不應將一切當作理所當然的，應該珍惜我周圍的人。=D

to Alab and Yifeng for celebrating my birthday for me in advance on 13th july 2009. Went teo heng on the monday (I had off for ndp rehearsal on 11th july). Despite the time constraints (we sang from 1.30pm to 5pm) coz I had to book in at night, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Havent sung for a long time so I'm glad to return to the mic haha. Thanks alab for always providing great companionship when life gets mundane, and thanks yifeng for the support he always provides.

to SzeJun for the birthday greeting on facebook, sorry not that I wasn't concerned about your situation, just thought we oughta look around us for a while, and lend our helping hand to someone we all hold so high regard to. That's what friends are for isn't it. Hope we can do something about it. And of course, hope your situation makes a turn for the better too =D

to Staff haojie for the fabulous meal I had at swensen's on 14th july 2009. Actually expected to go dutch but he treated us all. I feel bad sometimes coz he's so generous and sometimes when I look at myself, damn I'm one ugly selfish bastard who compares people time to time. Thanks staff. For the birthday cake we all enjoyed in branch. Thanks for always makin' everyone feel so welcomed and homely in branch. =D Thanks 3SG Zhiquan, 3SG Benedict, 2LT Kane, Marcus and Sean for the company for the dinner we all enjoyed.

to Patricia for the company on 6th and 7th July 2009 when you were here. Thanks for the birthday present (soccer ball), really glad to have you as a personal friend of mine. Irreplaceable friend. =D Just hope things'll be alright for you over there as I'm speakin' right here. And of course, your fiance! Take care! =D

to Hazel and Shirley for the birthday smses, but most of all, for always providing companionship and always filling my boring days with fun and love.

to ShiJun, for making that effort to make my day on birthday even though it was slip-shot. But hey at least it's an effort, and I appreciate it =D Thanks for the budget card (and you got everyone to sign it), and the breakfast zzz. HAHA. Thanks bro. Lookin' forward to workin' together in army for the rest of our army life.

to Mary Anne (I'll remember your birthday's on 20th dec), JiaMing, JianZhi, Kat for the smses.

to HoYan, Zoe, Ben Chan, Sim Weijie, Emily Huang (congrats on your r/s), Han Liang, Raymond, Esther Chan, Steve, Rossane, Cadence, Lifeng, BaoChuan, Ivan Ho, Lilian, JingNan for the birthday greetings and wishes on facebook. Sorry for the late replies was in camp la..!

Hope I didn't miss out anyone.

Thanks.

Just went out with alab and yifeng to katong to sing song =D

Had a great time, pity didn't sing enough. Had to leave early coz i'm bookin' in back to camp later (in fact, soon, like right after I post this).

Thanks guys.

JC days may have been the worst of my life (apart from my life now), but thanks to you guys for always being there.

Thanks for celebrating my birthday =D

Love.

安安。

忙忙忙忙！

人的一輩子都在忙。
忙著工作、忙著上課、忙著預備考試、忙著應酬、忙著談戀愛、忙著做自己愛做的事..

老了，該退休的時候，想著：我們終于可以放慢腳步，可以對昔日忙碌的，充滿壓力的生活告別。
但卻在這個時候老人卻發現，他雖然在人生的過程當中，雖纍計許許多多的歷練，換來的卻是一生對繁忙世界的俘虜。

身上富有了，卻在這個時候發現：銀行戶頭裏的錢是無法帶入棺材的。
他捫心自問，他空虛嗎？

親朋好友的悲歡離合是無法避免的，面對事實吧。

我只希望能與你們度過我所擁有的每一分，每一刻。
就算不能見面，不能一起吃頓飯，不能一起看電影，不能一起玩耍，
請記得我是很想念你們的。

感恩。

sister.

The first time I saw her, I didn't think much of her honestly
I was into love, so I didn't take anyone seriously
Un-inter-rested in friendships, I took her casually
'Cause none of these people played a part in my life, usually
A friend for a month or a year, but they still don't know me
That's how I viewed most of my friends or that's what they called me
Didn't give a shit what impression I gave them of me
It's hard to swallow I know, like how you drink soured coffee
So when I broke up, I never thought I'd become sociable
Forsaken like the cornerstone, I started to doubt fables
'Cause I figured there were no 'happily ever after'
Afterall, all these while I was livin' in my own corner
And as days slowly turned into months and months turned into a ye-ar (yare)
The sorrow was too much to bear, 'cause I had noone to care
All that people got from me was cold shoulders and a mean stare
I was turnin' into a monster, my mind became temper-flared..

Doubtin' people, but this desire burnin' for someone to trust
Still remained contrast, I was dyin, turnin' me into dust
Time came by and passed, I was hiddin' in my buffer-zoned shell
Prisoner of the heart, locked up in my suffer-zone; cell
I was seepin' thru the creaks of the fiery depths of hell
But she pulled me straight back up before I tripped and almost fell
She caught me by surprise I admit, didn't think she'd fit
As an angel, 'coz angels don't appear wingless and with feet
Wanted to thank her in person, but time prohibited it
After she saved me, she had her ideas, she decided to quit
Life on this barren island, wealthy but was always empty
I respected her choice, though I wanted her with me
I lowered my voice, and requested to at least know her name
And thanked her for makin' my life never the same again
I wanted to hug her tight, and tell her how much I loved her
But I was rooted to my boots... "I love you my sister"

Yea..

I feel a lot better now. =)

ha.

What am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to say?

What am I supposed to.. feel?

I feel so helpless.. That I can't stop things from happening. And neither can I make things happen.

16 months.

Love.

Lapse.

I guess enough time's just aint passed yet.

I kept thinkin' how I should express myself
To show how much I loved her, but I was like an elf
Dwarfed into her shadows as soon as I saw her
Felt the adrenaline as soon as she draw(s) near
I don't remember lovin' someone so completely
It's hard lovin' someone I hold so close to me
And the last time I did that, she walked out on me
Tryna play smart, but everything's backed out on me
But I swear this time's different; it was platonic
How ironic, I'm serious but I don't mean it
A step behind, wished I was a little quicker
Coz I love you more than my own little sister
I've told you a thousand times she's not my lover
How can I prove it if I keep sayin' "I love her"
Truth is I just wanted to hug her, not kiss her
Tell her 'I love her' to prove how much I'll miss her
She's been taken, but afraid to be mistaken
So I had to reconsider all my options
But I chose to keep my truest feelings unknown
Even if it means becomin' a cornerstone...

Lookin' at Me

(Inspired by 'The Kite Runner')

Lookin' at Me..

Look..

[Verse 1]
Reverse the time, I didn't see my story would unwind
The way it did, since when did I call you a slime?
And those horrible things I did.. I hope you're fine
With each blow dealt, sometimes I wonder if a line
Stands between you and I, like white and black and grey
If I had learnt 'how to save a life' like the fray
I wouldn't let all these happen, but shit happens
You fail to distinguish a brother from a friend
Fail to differentiate love from hate, I love to hate
People sufferin', but it ain't me, goodness sake
How could I possibly have known you as a slave
You've been my fam, my full-time friend, an all-time-fave
But all I had done in that alley down the block
Was watch him rip down your pants, his pants, blown a cock
Thought I was stronger than that, turns out I'm not
I'm just a coward, like sheeps in a herd, I'm just a dirt..


[Hook]
Lookin' at me in the mirror, a thousand times over
I love you, forever, "for you, a thousand times over"
Lookin' at me in the mirror, a thousand times over
I love you, forever, "for you, a thousand times over"


[Verse 2]
Reverse the curse, but too late you still ain't a nurse
You can't heal a scar, let alone these fuckin' burns
That creep into your souls at night, so now you learn
It not the privacy earned, it's the love you yearned
Love of a dad, you've always had, but never read
Through lyin' eyes, hidden money under the bed
A theft that never was, I saw his eyes turned red
Confessin' to a lie, stupid; I admit, my bad
Didn't realise the impact of the words I said
That summer after winter, I'll never forget
Now I'll have to do all those dirty chores instead
Never the same, spendin' time on my own, instead
Of havin' you by my side, overturn the tides
Without you by my side, life's a sole bumpy ride
Wishin' you were here for me, for me to confide
Promise if they hurt you again I'll put up a fight..

I'll put up a fight..


[Hook]


[Verse 3]
Reverse the time, intertwine twenty years down the line
Thought I had you forgotten huh, nah not this time
The call summoned a trial, sentence for my crime
I guess I shoulda read the signs, read your mind
Your voices for me to save your ass for once, this time
But stupid; I couldn't see you drownin' in brine
Where was I? Far away from Afghan, I think I'm blind
Blinded from the good that you shine, the good you defined
Perhaps punishment to leave me alone forever
The most apt; I didn't deserve your love, ever
But you could tell I was the most sorry, said 'I'M SORRY'
But that changes shit, for the first and last time, I cried
'Cause nothin's changin' the fact I made a mistake
God's the only person to decide what to take
From a lethargic liar; just one lie too great
That's all it takes.. To take your life crate..


[Hook]


[Outro]
And perhaps.. There's a way to be good again..
(Loop)
Lookin at me in the mirror..
"For you a thousand times over"

Thanks.!

Perhaps there really are nice people out there.

Today booked out at 5pm after COS Duty on saturday.
When i walked out the gate to the bus stop, the bus just left! Argh. Felt really bad the whole day, things couldnt get worse. Miss that bus, and it was crowded transport, going home late and such.

But this old 46 guy drove past the bus stop, asked if i wanna hop on to jurong point. I gladly accepted it. Why not?

Nice person. Thanks for the ride eh.

For you a thousand times over.

Searchin'..

Summer of two thousand and five, it'll never be the same
For how you changed my life in every single way, it's pain-
Ful now because I lost myself then, and then reclaimed
Myself back, now I'm like a lost soul, searchin' in the pourin' rain
Tryin' to alter things back what you did in every single lane
Tryin' my very best to maintain, trying hard to remain sane
Tryin' all I can to make myself a name, to get myself famed
Tryin' everythin' I have to reconstruct this plane
Tryin' out every single mean, every single pill to relieve the pain
Tryin' on every single jean, every single shirt to look Dane
Tryin' to replace this window pane; inject these veins
Tryin' to figure out if I'm on the right track but the wrong train
Tryin' not to appear disdain, I could use a little champagne
Tryin' to make these images go away, but they'll always remain
Tryin' to convince myself to be nice to these people; entertain
Tryin' to just be me.. But I've had it.. I won't feign...

Never ever.

Fame

Beat by 'Anno Domini Records' (Soundclick)
http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?genre=Instrumentals&songid=7675643&q=hi

We gonna have fame..


[Verse 1]
Imprisonment, insane people go searchin for it
Goin' thru shit for it, doin' the forfeits
True to all you ass-holes, beatin' all the counterfeits
Becomin' one of them jack-assed snakes
Becomin' hypocrites, but they don't realise it
It's a vicious cycle, they try to beat it
Like me, fuckin' asian accent rap coke n' shit
I try to stay true to the game, but fuck it all..
Fuck it all.. if

'We Gonna Have Fame'!

[Verse 2]
It ain't easy in the military, nothin' comes instantly
You rush to wait and wait to rush constantly
But the days pass by so fast, so quickly, so hurry
Before time's over, write some shit quickly
Put it on the record disk, hopin' sincerely
God crosses to his path, helps him partially
A good fifty percent, the rest's his personally
We all know we can't trust Him completely.. if

'We Gonna Have Fame!'

[Verse 3]
Amazin' power, influence, money come with fame
But once you commercialise, it ain't the same
That's acid on rap, corrodes your brain like acid rain
Give you a condom, tell you 'restrain and abstain'
But money's in his bag, so fuck you no complains
I'll kidnap you, package and transport you from spain
To Ukraine, we'll take plane, thru the shorter lane I promise
To fame we must so let's go on this record disc

'We Gonna Have Fame!'

Hurt

Beat by 'Burnsie' (Soundclick)
http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=5889729&q=hi&newref=1

[Verse 1]
I'm losin' my sense of direction, I can't focus; losin' concentration
At this point of my life I need encouragement, your motivation
Havin' had the best days of my life I'm havin' the worst, right now
Coz right now things aren't goin' too well for me, so how..?
Needa pull myself out of this mess; coz honestly
I've let too many people down, this I confess
Thinkin' about how I shoulda have made things better
For you, my family and friends; shoulda treat y'all better
No matter how much I put it, to you it's just words in letters
Put in thin pieces of envelopes, to you just ink on paper
I think about it every night when I tuck myself in bed
The same god-damn bed I put myself to sleep in, blankets laid
On the broken wooden planks that hurt my shoulder blades
I can't go to sleep, I think "I should have done that instead,
Shouldn't have said the words I have said", but soon these images fade
The very next mornin' I wake up feelin' alright, but I know, nightmares await..

[Hook]
I hurt myself.. Today..
To see if I still feel..
I focus.. On the pain..
The only thing that's real..

[Verse 2]
Pain from the hangover last night, not feelin' quite right
Stepped out from a room - pitch dark, feelin' shit; all contrite
Tryin' to get a grip of myself, tell myself it was just a bad dream
And that everything wasn't as bad as I thought, isn't as bad as it seems
Convince, persuade, recognise myself a proud soldier who fights hard all day
To stay alive, but recently I'm findin' it hard to find a purpose to pray,
To the gods who's given me so much help, advice all the while, all the way
Your whispers.. fadin' with each day.. I can't hear what you say no mo'
As if a sign to tell me you're on my side no mo', "Go on without ya"
So I neglet your absence, so far I'm doin' fine without ya
But I'm not so sure I can continue to say that in the future
These people around me have kept me cozy and warm, not one censure
But one thing rest assure, I'm freezin' deep down inside
If you know how it feels like, below zero I take it in my stride
Claimin' to know the truth.. But I don't know why I don't know how
When I feel the pain on my wrist.. Lift my arm and I see a bleedin' scar..

[Hook]


[Verse 3]
The only thing that's real, is that I love y'all, I love you too
But no matter how much I'd like to believe, I'm no hero that's true
Funny how you can see me; cool, but never cooler than the inside
And friends sorry I've lost trust I can't find no one to confide
Minimal energy left to pick up the pen on the table and scrible-
Out descriptions of the remaining emotions in me, fixed and unscrambled
Attempt to feel repent for it, only want to exempt from it
Google, yahoo all I could to search for a beat, make an attempt at it
Murder the beat, backfired and see me epic fail another feat
Crash and burn into ashes, raisin' white flags in defeat
Imagine it another dream, hoping the pain just goes away
Grab an alcohol drink, pop it and swallow my sorrows away
Pain from the hangover last night, not feelin' quite right
Stepped out from a room - pitch dark, feelin' shit; all contrite..
Tryin' to get a grip of myself, tell myself it was just a bad dream
And that everything wasn't as bad as I thought, isn't as bad as it seems..

[Hook]

[Outro]
So I hurt myself today..
Try wakin' me up to reality..
I guess I still have that bit in me to carry on..
Pain.. haha.. The only thing that's real...

Just like the hero.. Dead.