iphone notebook 250411

Fuck airports and airplanes, fuck these runways

Reminds me of the pain, when you're off to a different place

Life is a race with the rush of pain when you're off the pace

Somebody needs to tell me the way out of this maze

I try to disguise the shit that hurts with this happy face

'cause it's in these moments of silence when I sought solace

I would have bought this place if I had the money

But I don't, 'cause I know money makes a man act funny

I hope to be free and that one day I be something big

However, the evidence I have is weak, it is bleak

But I ain't affected, like those North Koreans deflected

Livin' in nightmares but that's not scarin' me

I've had my share of misfortunes but that's not scarrin' me

They're scared of me, I might just be revolutionary

That's the reason they censor my lyrics and my music

It just happens I answer the critics and coffee shop, bitch!

Risky business!

The world is passing me by, but I ain't movin'

My friends and my enemies have left me, but I ain't movin'

They've got their own lives to meddle and be busy about

While I was still stuck here in this lab thinkin' of a way out

This world right here is addicted to speed that we don't need

That's the reason why these kids are growing like weed

Reminiscing about the old days, damn I do feel old

Those days were great, but since then the days have been real cold

I've been told, that the straight aces will get you somewhere

But meanwhile I see straight faces spreading everywhere

I think I have a reason to be scared of death to death

Tweelaophobia when I find my balance has nothin' left

But there's still a long way to go, there's still places to go

Lifes mazes to blindly follow and life races to blow

They say stick to the status quo but I say fuck it

If life is a chance then it's a risk I'm willing to take it

drained

Drained from the energies sapped from the inner soul

He can't think straight without a purpose or a goal

Braggin' about his talents and dreams in broad day light

But it still remains that dream he dreamed at night

Nobody shares the same plight or that Asian pride

And the truth is the only thing they cannot hide

Victorious between the battle of persuasion

Standing tall among caucasians, standing for asians

Playing down the race card in every rhyme he writes

Silently he tries to hide the mind's internal fights

At times trying to sound white, maybe black

Amid the identity crisis he draws constant flak

It's him against the stigma of the status quo

Doesn't want to battle or write the dopest quotes

But always proud of every rhyme he's written and wrote

But gotta stay humble while learning these ropes

Hogging on to that one dream behind the screen

That's the only one thing he learnt since aged sixteen

And this typical dream is typical except one thing

This guy's really got material in the shit's he's writing

that's (not) it.

and shit gets more and more tiring with every week

my hands are locked up in chains like a repeat convict

neo-colonialism pushin' me to the brinks of breakdown

grey hairs threatenin' with single blinks and fake smiles

clowns moving from town to town, industry meltdown

sounding profound, the saddist inverting their frowns

convinced happiness is within the reach of that hundred pounds

i'm just a fish like the rest of you, i'm just lurkin' around

tryin' to remember who I used to be, what my dream was

but too many distractions try to strike me off course

and of course i wanted to be somebody useful

except i never wanted to be used as a tool

too many jobs offering you low flat wages

but i know i'm worth more than that shitty ass wages

i try to get pass the stages, try to break these cages

this is just one life chapter as i flip thru these pages..

seal the fuckin' contract, dude!

you know you've been side-tracked awhile.. it's like selling your soul away for this fuckin' contract man.

the difference is, you know you've only pawned it away.. you're gonna get it back soon enough.

just grit ur teeth and bear thru' these 2 weeks.. and you're all gonna find a way out.

eventually.

but time waits for no man..

you ain't getting nothing but older, so HURRY THE FUCK UP before you lose the moment.

jigsaw puzzles 130311

Was trying to sleep, but this thing keeps lingering on my mind..

Like I don't know man, the final jigsaw was found, I thought the puzzle was gonna get pieced up, and then so many new chips are introduced in.. It all doesn't make sense now. I wanna just see the bigger picture, without the chips.

It's fun and shit, but something just keeps telling me to ignore these chips, reminder of how much they used to mock at you, and how they still hold that judgement of you.

And I'm at a lost of what to do.

Piece of shit.

Reminders February 2011.

我還是喜歡在臺灣的生活！

這次新年回去，臺北街上空蕩蕩，讓我體會到臺北的另一面。

去了日月潭，那兒的山水如畫，空氣新鮮，早上湖上的霧如仙境般，而且還好那天沒太多的大陸客:p 有空想再去台中玩，在那邊住個兩三天也不錯。

也在初一去了新竹縣 > 五峰鄉 > 桃山村 > 清泉 找娃夏阿姨，在那兒住了一晚。在山上最難忘的是我和妹妹第一次放鞭炮，是走吊橋看風景，是站在大卡車上兜風對大家大喊 “新年快樂！”，是在寒冷的晚上在路邊泡腳 (還有那超丟臉的事！呵呵) ，是天上那數不完的閃亮星星，是原住名的熱情（鄉長祝福我和妹妹我們這兩個陌生人有個美好的未來，以後娶個好老婆，嫁給個好老公 --- 姐姐說他是不是上臺演講的臺詞背太多了！），是很傳統的在地上鋪面被睡覺，是娃夏阿姨和的細心照顧，讓我們有個很美好的一段的2011新年回憶 :)

去了大葉幫忙會手忙腳亂，有時午餐時間排長隊，讓我和妹妹招架不住，還挨舅媽的批評，但我知道，批評是因爲要求我們兩進步，做事更有效率! 以前常看濃、姐姐、阿平哥哥在店裏做事，現在自己做起來才知道其實一點也不簡單！不用謝謝我們，我們吃了那麽多年舅舅的麵 （還有你們常請客），這也是應該的！ 謝謝你們帶我們去山上，去吃日本餐 （日戶屋）、法國餐 （SOGO台北復興館 10F 法樂琪精緻沙拉吧）、麻辣火鍋 （馬辣）、四川菜（西門町 & 忠孝東路 216巷），阿濬說的沒錯，他的確拜對 “乾家” 嘻嘻~ 也謝謝舅舅和阿平哥哥和我聊天，讓我發現我很多想法思維上的的錯誤，也同時給了我一些些生活上的小撇步和 idea..

謝謝婷婷姐姐（還有姐夫幫我買眼藥水，載我們上下山）還有你們家潔妹帶給我們的娛樂和快樂！現在有了小孩子，生活上開始忙得不可開交了哦~下次有機會再一起出去！

可惜我在臺灣沒幾天濃濃就要去日本遊學，但那幾晚在舅舅家裏晚上打電動，看電影，讓我很懷念以前小時候無憂無慮的生活，在深夜打電動直到舅媽起來給我們訓話 ！

還有，在泰順街住，肚子絕對不會餓的啦！阿公常到外面買便當或是去菜市場買菜回來煮飯, 謝謝阿公！

在臺灣的最後一晚去了淡水，之前下午去了野柳地質公園，與女王頭拍照，在海邊刮刮很涼快的風，在綿綿的雨中與姨丈、妹妹、承承、昱昱散散步，拍拍照，感覺還不錯！也真幸好當天沒太多的大陸客 :/ (還記得我們前面兩對大陸客霸佔女王頭超久的！) 謝謝姨丈也送我到機場！

最後，我覺得這次回去最辛苦的是姨姨了.. 每晚上玩班後還要幫我們想節目去師大夜市、景美夜市、五分浦買衣服、公關買東西吃東西、去永和吃牛排、去關渡宮拜拜，我生病時帶我去看醫生、又帶妹妹去配眼鏡... 回到家還要煩兩個小瓜的事，真是辛苦你了！

雖然這次回去又感覺臺灣/臺北人好像變得比較冷漠，不友善，素質似乎變差了一點（現在很多人搭捷運都不排隊了，很多人不禮貌，待人怠慢），但不管家裏、世界再怎麽紛紛繞繞喧喧閙閙，很欣慰我們這一家能團聚，回到臺灣總有一種從未離開這裡的感覺！

我已經開始想念臺灣，想念你們了~！

（差點忘了這次回去的其中最重要的事：姨媽中風住院，這次回去去探望姨媽3次，3次姨媽精神元氣都有進步。常回想起幼時姨媽帶我去大安公園餵鴨子，來家裏時一定會買一大箱我最愛的養樂多給我喝~姨媽人真的很慈祥..希望姨媽能早日康復，下次返臺能去姨媽家看看她。）

This trip has softened me a little bit..

But I was just trying to remember where the fuck I came from.. And who the fuck I really was..

And how things really are..

As a kid so many things were so perfect in my eyes

But now it just seems that the nice people weren't really nice

The people who's stuck through with me are the real deal in this life

When all these time I wanted to just settle down with a wife?!

Fuck that!

Who can feel the way I feel? Who can see the things I see?!

Who can understand the way things were? Who can you see?

It's me, so why can't you take this pill and swallow the fact

It's much easier if you could listen and follow the act

And maybe if you listened you wouldn't have fallen into that trap....

And still hold that pride of yours and be snorting off at the people who loved you

When they still loved you..

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY 2011.

So I told myself to be strong. And to learn to distinguish opinion from fact.

If I gotta crack my head and soul out to do the things I want, I've still gotta do it

It's the only god damn thing I know how to do.

random ink 290111

There's this emptiness inside of me, and it's killing me slowly
I've got so fuckin' many problems to contemplate, it's scary
My body has a mind of its own, it's tellin' me to live lazy
And my mind doesn't allow me to think too much, it's crazy
But when I switch on the tv, and try to direct my attention
To the public's attention and try to digest the information
I don't absorb shit.. It's the invasion of the fuckin' white noise!

random ink.

Holiday

My closest cousin's gone to Japan for a month.. And now I feel as though I'm on my own.. But I kinda enjoy this feeling.

I guess coming back was always gonna be a get-away.. From the fucked up routine life.

Ha, holidays are just great aren't they.

ON VACATION

17 Jan 2011 - 10 Feb 2011

Be back 11 Feb 2011, approx. 0200hrs.

Different things.. different lies?

Sometimes I think to myself if things could have been different
But on second thought they didn't give me shit back then
So what's wrong with this whole system we livin' in
Is our background the real problem? Come on who are we kiddin'
Can't you sense and detect? Over here don't expect people to show respect
This is the beauracracy we elect, the rest of us are just rejects
Not just in retrospect, in fact, just look at the history we've been buildin'...
Are we really makin' history..? Or have things been laid out before us..?

C'on stop lying already. We've fed enough brains with lies.

School of Thoughts

Nobody can understand the complexity of this brain or this soul.

I'm the motherfuckin' complex thought.

Zen.. The school of thoughts. Freethinking ideology is the future common sense.

The Music Box!

The Teacha. Xie.

Is it destiny..? Or is it just mere coincidental?

Some things are left unexplored, but the paths we choose are pre-determined by the imaginary scholar up in our head? Or are they imaginary at all?

Religious.. Non-religious.. Superstition.. Or just realistic?

But I know I was chosen for this shit.

There's no turning back.

Thoughts on my head:
- Subject to major in?
- Filial Piety?
- Music in my head.. In my blood.. Or in my soul..?

That's the god damn music box.!

Education.

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an empty one."

- Malcolm Forbes

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

- Aristotle

"The freethinking of one age is the common sense of the next."

- Matthew Arnold

Random..

"You may be a person to the world, but to a person you may be the world."

- Heather Cortez/ Brandi Snyder?

Fearless 011210

Ok, stop it with the emo feelings and shit

As though you need a few more quiet minutes

Fuck you, you been procrastinatin' too long

Don't kid yourself, you think you can sing songs?

Write songs, write lyrics, flow and shit?

You don't deserve to call your shit a decent lyric

You don't deserve to call yourself a lyricist

You don't deserve to pretend to be all of this

What now huh, you a loser, only know how you'd wept

Why you sad and down and depressed, everyone you ever got close to left

You ain't shit, motherfucker, and you know it

Don't try be to hard and try to be fearless and shit

We all know who you are deep down, a big fat clown

Tryna act cool with your fancy hip-hop sounds

You only be the joke of the town, but NO!

Fuck you all the doubters, even the friends I know

You never gave support to me and the shit I wrote

You call yourself a friend when I was alone and broke?

You evoke empty memories flushed down the drain

I invoke rhymes rewrote, delivered to your brain

I'm like a strain of virus, they call me contagious

If you mad at the shit I wrote, then I've succeeded

Like memory files deleted, I close you in a window

I kill you doubts to leave you lost like widows

Cause I be the motherfuckin' fearless

Since death made me stronger, fuckin' tearless

So we as a band, we got a plan to success

We killing bitches like we give a fuckless

I be feeling sick from so many farewells I've bid.

I'm sick of this... Still I stick with this..

Aha

Does anyone even hear my voice?

I guess it's a lonely world out there isn't it.

To you 011210

I know this girl who's fierce and violent towards me

And I have no idea why she hits out at me

I admit I tease her sometimes when I'm bored to death

But she retaliates like she wants the last of my breath

I used to call her bully for the way she treated me

It was slaps, punches and kicks when she greeted me

It was irrational, maybe disrespectful

But I thought that she was just a kid, she had no clue

The line drawn between being rude and being cool

Accepting that she was just a girl still in school

Maybe I was a nuisance, but I loved her responses

Like when she gives me the 'what-the-hell' expressions

In the short term I found it hard to accept

Being the target of her brutal attacks

But in the long run she became my source of fun

Someone to add in the colours in this life of a bum

It's not like I see or talk to her every day

But somehow when we meet there's always something to say

It's strange considering we never talked much

Before that it seemed like the result of her grudge

She didn't care much, and befriended me on Facebook

At a point of her life when she stopped being rude

And at this point of my life I was missing my own life

So when rumours that they were leaving were rife

Suddenly the whole world just crashed upon me

Life's a bitch trashin' on me, .. don't you agree

... ... ...

They were right, sometimes I do complain a lot

Regarding people on this shit land and what not

Neglectin' the people that were always around here

And then just right in front of my eyes they disappeared

She was right, we were never close anyways

So why would I care at all in the first place

As they leave behind everything they had on this island

They leave behind regrets in the hearts of empty men

Wishing they could have done something different

Wishing they could have been better cousins

But we were not, and it's now all but too late

On a Ar-Ess (r/s) report card, with a sub-pass grade

All I have is apologies for all that's amiss

And these words of wish(es), you're stronger than this

People change for the better or the worse, behold

So stay true and stay gold, and some day, some day..

Some day you will shine brighter than gold..

And I know you will shine brighter than gold.

Twenty-ten, what the fuck man?

Twenty-ten, what the fuck man

Gotta wake up those who are scammed

I know things gone change one day inevitably, but

This year will forever be unforgettable to me

What the fuck's happened in this shit year, I don't know

But as far as I recall this is how the story goes:

It goes one for the times the army fucked up my life

Like my JC times, I don't know how the fuck I survived

I know it ain't my style to be vulgar, but look

This is what you've made me, a monster, a stranger, a crook

And now it's proly gonna stick with me till I die

'cause no matter how much I try to severe this tie

I know there are things in life you can't unwind and unlearn

And no matter what, the past's a done fact, you can't unturn

A choice to regret, a friend to get, one to forget

I know what I be saying is sad, like carbon offsets

Concerted efforts to save the world from decay

But ha.. You critics are fuckin' hypocrites, don't you say

So this goes two for the truth you tried to guard and protect

The short tour equipped with guns and cigarettes

Wings on a bayonet, ha, who you jokin' wit

Where you think they actually picked up the dirty habits...?

It's in the year twenty-oh-ten, I stopped to pretend

Havin' countless friends when there's only a hand-full of them

I'm thankful to them, but I'm sorry you missed the list

Maybe in the next life our paths will intertwine and twist..

Third on my list I gotta say thank you to Buddha

For the scriptures you wrote and the way of the Dharma

I'm not religious, but knowledge reigns supremacy

And it's this philosophy I connect with in entirety

Experience speaks louder than speculation and threats

I just heard over the damn news that Korea was attacked

But man, whether you on the same side or not that ain't right

When will the death of humanity ever come to light?

It was the first, the second, and then the cold war

And (End) this mindless obeying to princes who wanna be raw

An idea radicalizes even the strongest minds

And you are the host, it's a virus one of a kind

So come and inhale some of this enlightenment

Befo' shits gets painful, shameful, an embarrassment

Stems from the very fact that punk, yea you got played

When you nod your head in agreement, 'you smarter at fifth grade'?

And if this sounds like the end of the world, that's proly 'cause it is

I won't speculate, but it's only so if you say it is

This fourth one goes to those who fight for their dream

Even when all hope is lost, you know it's the only thang

Worth living for, I never knew better before

IF NOT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ONE LIFE WORTH LIVING FOR?

A Freeman Once Again.

NZ 1943 (IB 05/ PACKET 6/ 39J/ with MARCUS & YIWEI)

Arrival:
06 NOV 10/ 0300HRS/ CHANGI AIRPORT/ TERMINAL 3

Things to do (Short-term):
1. JC CLASS CHALET on 07 NOV 2010
2. S2/ S3 BRANCH CHALET on 07 NOV 2010

Philosophy

Yiiiiiiifeng this is the song I was talking about at KTV that day! Couldn't recall on that day heh.

PHILOSOPHY

- Ben Folds Five

(from the 1995 self-titled album)

Won't you look up at the skyline
At the mortar, block, and glass
And check out the reflections in my eyes
See they always used to be there
Even when this all was grass
And I sang and danced about a high-rise
And you were laughing at my helmet hat
Laughing at my torch

Go ahead you can laugh all you want
I got my philosophy
(Keeps my feet on the ground)
And I trust it like the ground
That's why my philosophy
Keeps me walking when I'm falling down

I see that there is evil
And I know that there is good
And the in-betweens I never understood
Won't you look at me I'm crazy
But I get the job done
I'm crazy but I get the job done

I say go ahead and laugh all you want
But I got my philosophy
(Keeps my feet on the ground)
And I trust like the ground
That's why my philosophy
Keeps me walking when I'm falling down

I pushed you cause I loved you guys
I didn't realize you weren't having fun
And I dragged you up the stairs
And I told you to fly
You were flapping your arms
Then you started to cry, you were too high
Too high....

Now you take this all for granted
You take the mortar, block, and glass
And you forget the speech that moved the stone
But it's really not that you can't see
The forest from the trees

You've never been out in the woods alone
So you can laugh all you want to
I've got my philosophy
(It keeps my feet on the ground)
And I love you you're my friend
But you got no philosophy
Now it's time for this song to end

You got the heart?

Yo, it's true I used be a fool back in school

I wasn't rude but I was like a block of wood

Nice to you, whether you cool or uncool

I had no clue who was true or untrue

As a kid I wanted to be a writer

But never did shit; I was just a dreamer

Thought I was smart but I was just immature

Just another chess piece of a chess player

Oh-Four-Oh-Two-Oh-Seven, became smarter

Went on to read things beyond the paper

I guess it's weird I wanna be a rapper

Given how shy I was as a teenager

Always loved the poetry and the music

Now I'm thinkin' about producin' it

I've got my fears, but I gotta face it

One life, one chance, not gonna waste it

Now what do I have, got the rhymes to slay

Emotions to vent, too much words to say

But nothing much else apart from all that

At least I've got the heart and that's a fact

And motherfucker, that's the reason I killed ya back in twenty-0-seven.

You still want the life of a failure? No? Then get your fuckin' ass up and start workin' and stop procrastinatin'. Bitch.