reminiscence.

Some two, three years ago I gave up friendships in exchange for somethin' else..
Now I find people in my situation at that time.. It's just so reminiscent.

Hope some day I'll find you somewhere somehow.

Spark.

Please don't talk to me for the time being. I need to be left alone for a while. I need this break. Perhaps, yea you were right this break has been prolonged and dragged on for some time already. I don't know, months? Maybe years. I don't know how or why or when I ended up in this state I currently find myself in. I need the strength to start anew somewhere, somehow and sometime after this long, draggy 22months 'break'. 14 months more?

I don't know. I've been too fucked up. I hate giving myself excuses, but I need something or someone to get my psyche back up. I just need some breathing space, some personal time for myself.

Like a wick that had burnt too fast.. Haha gotta find some way to ignite it back.

And no.. I don't need a religion.

Why Ray?

We see rays of light every single god damn morning. It comes and goes, but as the dawn lights up the dark with the glittering rays that the sun sets upon the earth, it feels like.. hope. You may have had shit, still going thru shit or will go thru shit someday. I am going thru shit, some people empathize, some people fail to visualise, some will not sympathize.. Some people have their daily dose of happiness, laughter and joy by buildin' upon other's misery. Some people can do shit about it, some people want to do shit but are to afraid, some people just can't do nothin' about it because doing shit about it bears dire consequences that will probably scar one's life forever. I am goin' thru shit. But nevertheless, the morning's golden rays, though temporary and never will be the same every day, symbolizes the hope I will carry with me each day as I put on a fight in this struggle I call life.

Ray is not a name. It's a perspective.

And if one day you can't see the rays anymore.. Hope isn't gone for you.

I know of some people who can't see a single ray of light anymore.. I wished I could do something about it. I wished I can treat them better. But I don't know how.

How you used to be down when the world stopped turnin' around
How you used to smile to me when the others could only frown
But now I find us swappin' positions, in different locations
You used to be active, in the high status quotation..

Fuck i don't wanna talk about it anymore. I've said about it one time too many.

Not being able to see rays doesn't mean hope is gone for you. You just can't see where it's comin' from.

So keep your spirit high, keep hopin'.