happy birthday to me

Dear family and friends, thank you for your wishes, whether virtual, in voice, via text or in person. Each and every one of them have been well-received, and I appreciate them all, whether you're a friend new or old, close or distant.

To be honest, I hesitated writing this note because I've always been one who's quick to show my disapproval of those who facebook their problems, instead of facing them (though I know I'm guilty of it sometimes >.<). But I suppose they have their reasons for doing so, and, well, I'm no different.

It's been a crazy year since my last birthday.

Last birthday, I recall spending time at a Grill party with friends whom I've spent a significant amount of time with in Germany. That was one of the few great moments last year.

And something struck so bad (something which some of my closer friends know about), and instantly it became so hard juggling housework at home, work in school, and a job I couldn't quit because I had made a promise to an ailing teacher to see his students through PSLE. He eventually passed away, which left me pretty much in a limbo.

I started turning up late for school, constantly not having enough sleep, and neglecting my then girlfriend.

Meanwhile I grew distant with friends, stopped going for soccer, and eventually, had my girlfriend ignore her way out of a relationship, which, to be honest, I couldn't quite handle anymore. I wasn't doing well for anything actually. I struggled to attend Aikido training sessions, struggled to keep up my passion for German, I struggled to put on a happy face when I meet the kids during every Sunday class.

Ain't trying to find excuses, but I just can't tell you how glad that I survived 2012, and see that my students had all done reasonably well, well enough to go on to their respective secondary schools. And I just can't tell you how glad I am to have continued with German (hence some good friend(s), and me being better prepared to go on exchange soon). Just can't tell you how glad I am to have persisted with Aikido (hence attaining 6th Kyu, and enjoying every training session that I'm able to attend!).

Even till today, sometimes I get annoyed with the constant bickering with siblings because of the new roles all of us learn to adapt to. I get jaded sometimes, but looking back on the experience accumulated, though I can't figure out whether they've been good or bad, I'm definitely sure they've made me grown. And I'm still learning every day.

I'm just glad I made it this old.

For my host family who keeps in touch with me, reminding me of the good times I had in Muenster, Germany, I thank you so much for reminding me of the little happy things that every student should treasure while being a student.

For the friends who understand me, stood by me, and kept in touch with me on a frequent basis, thank you for your care, concern, and for bring joy and laughters into my life always!

And as for my dad, I think you're the most capable person ever. Your strength to carry on through adversity inspires me whenever I lose my passion for life. Trying so hard to give me the life you never had, for that I love you, sincerely and truly.

And I hope one day I have the courage to say them to you in person. And one day I swear I'll give you the life you deserve.

I love you.

Sometimes I get annoyed with the constant bickering with siblings because of the new roles all of us had to learn to adapt to.