Lookin' at Me

(Inspired by 'The Kite Runner')

Lookin' at Me..

Look..

[Verse 1]
Reverse the time, I didn't see my story would unwind
The way it did, since when did I call you a slime?
And those horrible things I did.. I hope you're fine
With each blow dealt, sometimes I wonder if a line
Stands between you and I, like white and black and grey
If I had learnt 'how to save a life' like the fray
I wouldn't let all these happen, but shit happens
You fail to distinguish a brother from a friend
Fail to differentiate love from hate, I love to hate
People sufferin', but it ain't me, goodness sake
How could I possibly have known you as a slave
You've been my fam, my full-time friend, an all-time-fave
But all I had done in that alley down the block
Was watch him rip down your pants, his pants, blown a cock
Thought I was stronger than that, turns out I'm not
I'm just a coward, like sheeps in a herd, I'm just a dirt..


[Hook]
Lookin' at me in the mirror, a thousand times over
I love you, forever, "for you, a thousand times over"
Lookin' at me in the mirror, a thousand times over
I love you, forever, "for you, a thousand times over"


[Verse 2]
Reverse the curse, but too late you still ain't a nurse
You can't heal a scar, let alone these fuckin' burns
That creep into your souls at night, so now you learn
It not the privacy earned, it's the love you yearned
Love of a dad, you've always had, but never read
Through lyin' eyes, hidden money under the bed
A theft that never was, I saw his eyes turned red
Confessin' to a lie, stupid; I admit, my bad
Didn't realise the impact of the words I said
That summer after winter, I'll never forget
Now I'll have to do all those dirty chores instead
Never the same, spendin' time on my own, instead
Of havin' you by my side, overturn the tides
Without you by my side, life's a sole bumpy ride
Wishin' you were here for me, for me to confide
Promise if they hurt you again I'll put up a fight..

I'll put up a fight..


[Hook]


[Verse 3]
Reverse the time, intertwine twenty years down the line
Thought I had you forgotten huh, nah not this time
The call summoned a trial, sentence for my crime
I guess I shoulda read the signs, read your mind
Your voices for me to save your ass for once, this time
But stupid; I couldn't see you drownin' in brine
Where was I? Far away from Afghan, I think I'm blind
Blinded from the good that you shine, the good you defined
Perhaps punishment to leave me alone forever
The most apt; I didn't deserve your love, ever
But you could tell I was the most sorry, said 'I'M SORRY'
But that changes shit, for the first and last time, I cried
'Cause nothin's changin' the fact I made a mistake
God's the only person to decide what to take
From a lethargic liar; just one lie too great
That's all it takes.. To take your life crate..


[Hook]


[Outro]
And perhaps.. There's a way to be good again..
(Loop)
Lookin at me in the mirror..
"For you a thousand times over"

Thanks.!

Perhaps there really are nice people out there.

Today booked out at 5pm after COS Duty on saturday.
When i walked out the gate to the bus stop, the bus just left! Argh. Felt really bad the whole day, things couldnt get worse. Miss that bus, and it was crowded transport, going home late and such.

But this old 46 guy drove past the bus stop, asked if i wanna hop on to jurong point. I gladly accepted it. Why not?

Nice person. Thanks for the ride eh.

For you a thousand times over.

Searchin'..

Summer of two thousand and five, it'll never be the same
For how you changed my life in every single way, it's pain-
Ful now because I lost myself then, and then reclaimed
Myself back, now I'm like a lost soul, searchin' in the pourin' rain
Tryin' to alter things back what you did in every single lane
Tryin' my very best to maintain, trying hard to remain sane
Tryin' all I can to make myself a name, to get myself famed
Tryin' everythin' I have to reconstruct this plane
Tryin' out every single mean, every single pill to relieve the pain
Tryin' on every single jean, every single shirt to look Dane
Tryin' to replace this window pane; inject these veins
Tryin' to figure out if I'm on the right track but the wrong train
Tryin' not to appear disdain, I could use a little champagne
Tryin' to make these images go away, but they'll always remain
Tryin' to convince myself to be nice to these people; entertain
Tryin' to just be me.. But I've had it.. I won't feign...

Never ever.

Fame

Beat by 'Anno Domini Records' (Soundclick)
http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?genre=Instrumentals&songid=7675643&q=hi

We gonna have fame..


[Verse 1]
Imprisonment, insane people go searchin for it
Goin' thru shit for it, doin' the forfeits
True to all you ass-holes, beatin' all the counterfeits
Becomin' one of them jack-assed snakes
Becomin' hypocrites, but they don't realise it
It's a vicious cycle, they try to beat it
Like me, fuckin' asian accent rap coke n' shit
I try to stay true to the game, but fuck it all..
Fuck it all.. if

'We Gonna Have Fame'!

[Verse 2]
It ain't easy in the military, nothin' comes instantly
You rush to wait and wait to rush constantly
But the days pass by so fast, so quickly, so hurry
Before time's over, write some shit quickly
Put it on the record disk, hopin' sincerely
God crosses to his path, helps him partially
A good fifty percent, the rest's his personally
We all know we can't trust Him completely.. if

'We Gonna Have Fame!'

[Verse 3]
Amazin' power, influence, money come with fame
But once you commercialise, it ain't the same
That's acid on rap, corrodes your brain like acid rain
Give you a condom, tell you 'restrain and abstain'
But money's in his bag, so fuck you no complains
I'll kidnap you, package and transport you from spain
To Ukraine, we'll take plane, thru the shorter lane I promise
To fame we must so let's go on this record disc

'We Gonna Have Fame!'

Hurt

Beat by 'Burnsie' (Soundclick)
http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=5889729&q=hi&newref=1

[Verse 1]
I'm losin' my sense of direction, I can't focus; losin' concentration
At this point of my life I need encouragement, your motivation
Havin' had the best days of my life I'm havin' the worst, right now
Coz right now things aren't goin' too well for me, so how..?
Needa pull myself out of this mess; coz honestly
I've let too many people down, this I confess
Thinkin' about how I shoulda have made things better
For you, my family and friends; shoulda treat y'all better
No matter how much I put it, to you it's just words in letters
Put in thin pieces of envelopes, to you just ink on paper
I think about it every night when I tuck myself in bed
The same god-damn bed I put myself to sleep in, blankets laid
On the broken wooden planks that hurt my shoulder blades
I can't go to sleep, I think "I should have done that instead,
Shouldn't have said the words I have said", but soon these images fade
The very next mornin' I wake up feelin' alright, but I know, nightmares await..

[Hook]
I hurt myself.. Today..
To see if I still feel..
I focus.. On the pain..
The only thing that's real..

[Verse 2]
Pain from the hangover last night, not feelin' quite right
Stepped out from a room - pitch dark, feelin' shit; all contrite
Tryin' to get a grip of myself, tell myself it was just a bad dream
And that everything wasn't as bad as I thought, isn't as bad as it seems
Convince, persuade, recognise myself a proud soldier who fights hard all day
To stay alive, but recently I'm findin' it hard to find a purpose to pray,
To the gods who's given me so much help, advice all the while, all the way
Your whispers.. fadin' with each day.. I can't hear what you say no mo'
As if a sign to tell me you're on my side no mo', "Go on without ya"
So I neglet your absence, so far I'm doin' fine without ya
But I'm not so sure I can continue to say that in the future
These people around me have kept me cozy and warm, not one censure
But one thing rest assure, I'm freezin' deep down inside
If you know how it feels like, below zero I take it in my stride
Claimin' to know the truth.. But I don't know why I don't know how
When I feel the pain on my wrist.. Lift my arm and I see a bleedin' scar..

[Hook]


[Verse 3]
The only thing that's real, is that I love y'all, I love you too
But no matter how much I'd like to believe, I'm no hero that's true
Funny how you can see me; cool, but never cooler than the inside
And friends sorry I've lost trust I can't find no one to confide
Minimal energy left to pick up the pen on the table and scrible-
Out descriptions of the remaining emotions in me, fixed and unscrambled
Attempt to feel repent for it, only want to exempt from it
Google, yahoo all I could to search for a beat, make an attempt at it
Murder the beat, backfired and see me epic fail another feat
Crash and burn into ashes, raisin' white flags in defeat
Imagine it another dream, hoping the pain just goes away
Grab an alcohol drink, pop it and swallow my sorrows away
Pain from the hangover last night, not feelin' quite right
Stepped out from a room - pitch dark, feelin' shit; all contrite..
Tryin' to get a grip of myself, tell myself it was just a bad dream
And that everything wasn't as bad as I thought, isn't as bad as it seems..

[Hook]

[Outro]
So I hurt myself today..
Try wakin' me up to reality..
I guess I still have that bit in me to carry on..
Pain.. haha.. The only thing that's real...

Just like the hero.. Dead.