Glück ist kein Zustand

"Glück ist kein Zustand zu erreichen, sondern eine Weise des Reisens."
"Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling."

- Margaret Lee Runbeck

it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

actors and actresses

Do you ever wonder if you're just an actor in this well scripted god damn movie.?

the number 361

random thought about anger.

then i realized, that my anger wasn't as much anger than it was disappointment.

Living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives

Because life is no Disney. Life is no Hollywood.

So did we come to this world.. To learn? Or to suffer?

I think it's great to be child-like (not childish). But like the author says:
"Living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives"

Aint no bed of roses, get the skin off your noses. And if I ever forget what a relationship, I will read these to remind myself:

1. I Didn't Love My Wife When We Got Married (http://popchassid.com/didnt-love-wife/)
2. 10 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person (http://muslimvillage.com/2011/10/27/15806/10-ways-to-avoid-marrying-the-wrong-person/)
3. How To Know If You're Marrying The Right Person (http://marriage.about.com/od/choosingyourspouse/a/rightperson.htm)

But haha what do I know. Sometimes as a rationale person I do fantasize about marrying huh hahaha. Gott focus on my personal development first.

I don't know if Reiki is for real, but I'll keep working!

every star can shine

I watch the clouds gather up in the sky
And I try harder to let this moment slip by
I wonder if there really is a paradise
Or if the promises of an after-life just fat lies

I thought I knew what love felt like
A process waiting for the pain to subside
Hoping to sedate the sorrows I feel inside
Hoping to see a shimmer of glittering light

Reminisce about a broken promise
Memories stored clear like in a compact disc
Sadness of a prisoner trapped in a cell
Relinquish is the only ticket out of hell

I thought I knew what freedom felt like
A state of mind abstaining from personal pride
Hoping to break from what we left behind
Hoping to see that every star.. every star can shine

no contradiction

there's no contradiction as long you accept what lies within and see it as perfection

to the gang, continue hoping.

This post is meant for the gang. Yep you guys have already received this message, but I thought I should document it as a part of my growing up process.




"Today yongjie called me about booking accommodation in Taipei (sorry about forgetting to reply your message)

This might make me sound old (I am), but I've been thinking about the times after ord when we were so carefree and all our worries were about which uni we were attending, who's chasing which girl, where we want to travel to, where to hold our 21st birthday parties, what to buy as presents etc. and suddenly all these worries feel so puny, so little.. and so.. trivial.

Then I realize life is so much more complicated than it already was, and there's so much more things out there to worry about and to do. I can't return to Taiwan anymore, and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with all these things and feelings and.. I just miss those times.

I'm glad we've had these happy times before. Whether it's something unforgettable like the taiwan trip, or those ordinary times like our basketball or soccer sessions during recess and after graduation, movies, or just hanging out at szejun's place.

I miss them; I miss them all. I miss hanging out with you guys, and I hope all of you are doing well."




But that boy is long gone, and I'm now a man of responsibilities. Sure some burden's off my shoulder as well, now that Dage is back in Singapore and working. And selfishly all I ever wanted to be was to be a normal student like everyone else, hanging out with friends till the whee hours, celebrating birthdays and all that shit. They tell me I shouldn't let this affect my daily routines, and I carry on doing the things I need to do.

And as I sent dad to the airport and watched his tired and lonely figure head towards the gate, I feel sorry. That hug meant a lot to me, and, it's hurts to say this, but I don't think I would have understood you the man that you are if it wasn't for the past year. It's not anybody's fault, but I'm really sorry I can't do anything for you. Not now at least. Please wait for me as I overcome these puny obstacles one at a time.



Randomly Shing02's "Luv Sic Part 2" comes into my mind, as I hum to these 2 stanzas I love the most:
"Every morn I awake from a cavernous night
Sometimes still pondering the previous plight
Seems life done changed, long time no speak
Nowadays I often forget the day of the week"

"That's the beauty of music. They can't get that from you... (we need it so we don't forget); forget that there are places in this world that aren't made out of stone. That there's something inside that they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours... (and that's) hope."
- Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption.

So evidently

Speak of l.o.v.e. so easily
Give up l.o.v.e. so readily

Einbahnstraße

Feel the coldness of the night breeze, I freeze
When I feel the warmth of your body that you release
I think of the morning rays that used to symbolize hope
But I feel squeezed at the pit bottom of the rhizome
How did this happen faster than I could ink
How did they turn their back against us in a blink
I sink, I sank, I sunk, sixty six feet deep
A coast to toast, here's to your warm blooded weeps
The vinyl plays that shit on repeat, looping that shit
Thinking why I ain't moved, you're so pathetic
Don't be sympathetic, just be empathetic
I know you feeling the same lone in your stomach's pit
So take it easy, make it easy for both you and me
And one day the world would be a better place to be

That's the only direction it can take. It's the only one it must take.

I can't miss you enough.

I don't know why these pictures always makes me want to cry in tears of both sorrow and joy. I was just.. bored and sick of all the school work I decided to message Sabine and ask if they celebrate Halloween as well. That was all.

And then she sends me back pictures of the their Halloween preparations and quite honestly, I was literally ROTFL when I saw the picture of little Leo dressed in his skeleton costume. I got up, instantly shared these pictures with Cheryl and Jeslyn (without Sabine's permission, heh). I just couldnt contain the gush of happiness I felt seeing the fun they're having.

Gosh I miss Münster.

Just pondering a question in my head these few days after conversations with Druga, Jeslyn and Wai Kit as I've somehow met them relatively frequently this semester. I wonder if it's just me holding on tightly to these special memories of Münster, or if everyone else feels the same. Certainly for Druga and Jeslyn I'm sure it meant a lot to them; but for the rest.. I'm not sure anymore.

I think of the last day when we departed Münster for our other respective destinations, and I recall everyone promising themselves that they will one day return to this magical place and visit their host families. Yeah bullshit. Some day when everyone's gotten a job, had the opportunity to travel as widely as they want and can, perhaps this place will just be reduced to "a trip" we had to Europe.

But to me it will always be THE trip.

It's the space and time that all comes together to make sense to everything. And I thank NUS and Wipdaf for making all of these happen. Which is why I will always write letters and cards to them over the festive seasons to greet them and ask them how they are doing. Perhaps it would all have been better if things didn't happen back at home, but well.. everything must have happened for a reason. I've seized it; I've made the best of my opportunity learning the language, being exposed to the culture and all... And with the company of the other students and our host families, really, how can anyone forget this place or the people?

And yet, some do. Memories somehow feel so surreal and overrated. I recall Kat used to love this quote: "Feelings will go away, but memories will stay", and even though we're not even friends now, I still remember a lot of these little things that happen in my life. Yet memories... don't mean anything at all. In the end, one simply 'undo' these memories by untagging themselves off pictures, and deleting them. It's that simple.

Nothing is eternal, but I'm glad I made the trip to Paris even though I was so reluctant to. I just knew these god damn memories will get back at me at Paris, but still, I'm glad even newer memories came into the frame. But we sink back into reality back home, and soon. These memories fade, and reduce to nothingness.

So perhaps it's time to go.. Or is it yet?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

And that Friday after Halloween, I went to meet up with Jeslyn after Aikido training to have supper/ coffee at Holland Village. Somehow I was feeling down that I was among the 3 other seniors who turned up for training today. Siyuan left early, and I felt so alone that my other friends, Sarun in particular, had left the club.

I miss those days training with him; he was always a joy to have at training, and someone funny, jovial yet mature. Someone whom I felt comfortable working and planning all the CCA activities with, someone I felt I could confide my relationship problems in. He is afterall, much older than we are for a year one student, haha. Out of the blue I decided to text him, and asked him if we could meet for breakfast or something before the semester ends. Man is he busy since he got attached haha. But well, I can understand how people change their priorities. I'm glad he's found something else that he enjoys doing :) We'll definitely meet for breakfast @ Tembusu again haha.

Anyways, it's always a pleasure chatting with Jeslyn, and I felt so much better after the long conversation (we left Xin Wang HK Cafe at about 1:40 am or something I think). Tried to get Sita to come along but she was busy, sigh. But we'll have plenty of chances in Sem II before I head off to Germany I'm sure.

Thanks Jeslyn for being my friend.

And, on a random note, if Aidan you're reading (you're the only loyal fan I know of this blog haha), I hope you're doing fine. Can't wait to meet you back in Singapore.

Cheers to health and peace. Because they're the most important of all. and then comes your principles and values. I'm happy that you're happy, my friends.

再見了，泰順街

你們也搬家了。我們以前盡力捍衛的家園也賣掉了，也該是分錢的時候了。

我們常把回憶挂在嘴邊，但或許..我們大家太高估每一段美麗的回憶了，因爲到最後... 還有誰記得以前一切的一切呢

到底是爲了誰，到底是爲了什麽，把家裏搞到這樣呢

只希望總有一天會風平浪靜

再見了，泰順街。

再見了，我的童年。

我們向前走吧