to the gang, continue hoping.

This post is meant for the gang. Yep you guys have already received this message, but I thought I should document it as a part of my growing up process.




"Today yongjie called me about booking accommodation in Taipei (sorry about forgetting to reply your message)

This might make me sound old (I am), but I've been thinking about the times after ord when we were so carefree and all our worries were about which uni we were attending, who's chasing which girl, where we want to travel to, where to hold our 21st birthday parties, what to buy as presents etc. and suddenly all these worries feel so puny, so little.. and so.. trivial.

Then I realize life is so much more complicated than it already was, and there's so much more things out there to worry about and to do. I can't return to Taiwan anymore, and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with all these things and feelings and.. I just miss those times.

I'm glad we've had these happy times before. Whether it's something unforgettable like the taiwan trip, or those ordinary times like our basketball or soccer sessions during recess and after graduation, movies, or just hanging out at szejun's place.

I miss them; I miss them all. I miss hanging out with you guys, and I hope all of you are doing well."




But that boy is long gone, and I'm now a man of responsibilities. Sure some burden's off my shoulder as well, now that Dage is back in Singapore and working. And selfishly all I ever wanted to be was to be a normal student like everyone else, hanging out with friends till the whee hours, celebrating birthdays and all that shit. They tell me I shouldn't let this affect my daily routines, and I carry on doing the things I need to do.

And as I sent dad to the airport and watched his tired and lonely figure head towards the gate, I feel sorry. That hug meant a lot to me, and, it's hurts to say this, but I don't think I would have understood you the man that you are if it wasn't for the past year. It's not anybody's fault, but I'm really sorry I can't do anything for you. Not now at least. Please wait for me as I overcome these puny obstacles one at a time.



Randomly Shing02's "Luv Sic Part 2" comes into my mind, as I hum to these 2 stanzas I love the most:
"Every morn I awake from a cavernous night
Sometimes still pondering the previous plight
Seems life done changed, long time no speak
Nowadays I often forget the day of the week"

"That's the beauty of music. They can't get that from you... (we need it so we don't forget); forget that there are places in this world that aren't made out of stone. That there's something inside that they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours... (and that's) hope."
- Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption.