Early dusk..

I thought I'd be fine if I had some time to my own
So I locked myself in the room, I switch off my phone
Wishin' to have some peace to myself, serenity
But on the contrary, I found nothing, honestly
I need some consolation from someone else
Something else, something tells, from somewhere else
I don't know how long more I can hang on here for
Before I drop dead on the floor oblivion what I was here for..

"Back and Forth"

The music I used to listen to had some kinda attraction that none of the other genres will ever have.

People just need the strength to believe in the power of this music..

And so do I.

I don't wanna give up yet.

"Back and forth.. Hold me back"

Unhealthy.

This life I'm leadin' isn't healthy for me.. It's weakenin' my will to live strongly man.

Exacerbate..

I can't take this anymore..

Let me go.

indiff.

I used to hate superficial people, don't get me wrong
I still do hate muhfuckers addin' to my list this long
I still got a lot of clearin' up to do, I still have a whole lot of things to spill
How you said I whined as much as the little brown dog down the block
But you never knew the day would come you'd be suckin' your own cock
Eatin' your own hat, complainin' 'bout the work you did
But FUCK YOU you ain't doin' half of what I did
You ain't gonna get yourself impressed with the people around ya
Fuckin' foolin' around wit the people who made you tremble, ya
Made you shit in your pants, reminder who could boss ya
You just a dirt in the eyes of the many, always actin' busy
Always actin' silly, tryina act maturely, sound immaturely
But as the nights grew older the wind blew colder
I laughin' at beauty in the eyes of the beholder..

Fuckin' indifference I am feelin' inside.

reminiscence.

Some two, three years ago I gave up friendships in exchange for somethin' else..
Now I find people in my situation at that time.. It's just so reminiscent.

Hope some day I'll find you somewhere somehow.

Spark.

Please don't talk to me for the time being. I need to be left alone for a while. I need this break. Perhaps, yea you were right this break has been prolonged and dragged on for some time already. I don't know, months? Maybe years. I don't know how or why or when I ended up in this state I currently find myself in. I need the strength to start anew somewhere, somehow and sometime after this long, draggy 22months 'break'. 14 months more?

I don't know. I've been too fucked up. I hate giving myself excuses, but I need something or someone to get my psyche back up. I just need some breathing space, some personal time for myself.

Like a wick that had burnt too fast.. Haha gotta find some way to ignite it back.

And no.. I don't need a religion.

Why Ray?

We see rays of light every single god damn morning. It comes and goes, but as the dawn lights up the dark with the glittering rays that the sun sets upon the earth, it feels like.. hope. You may have had shit, still going thru shit or will go thru shit someday. I am going thru shit, some people empathize, some people fail to visualise, some will not sympathize.. Some people have their daily dose of happiness, laughter and joy by buildin' upon other's misery. Some people can do shit about it, some people want to do shit but are to afraid, some people just can't do nothin' about it because doing shit about it bears dire consequences that will probably scar one's life forever. I am goin' thru shit. But nevertheless, the morning's golden rays, though temporary and never will be the same every day, symbolizes the hope I will carry with me each day as I put on a fight in this struggle I call life.

Ray is not a name. It's a perspective.

And if one day you can't see the rays anymore.. Hope isn't gone for you.

I know of some people who can't see a single ray of light anymore.. I wished I could do something about it. I wished I can treat them better. But I don't know how.

How you used to be down when the world stopped turnin' around
How you used to smile to me when the others could only frown
But now I find us swappin' positions, in different locations
You used to be active, in the high status quotation..

Fuck i don't wanna talk about it anymore. I've said about it one time too many.

Not being able to see rays doesn't mean hope is gone for you. You just can't see where it's comin' from.

So keep your spirit high, keep hopin'.

Dirt.

Diamond in the dirt, it's here in the heart that hurts
Hearin' the dark whisper, you dance with the lady in skirt
Some wise guy got you disguised to try to get in it
But you oblivion the same guy is tryin' to win it
Unscrupulous, it's ridiculous, his ideas ludicrous
Take a stab at you, take a jab at you, laugh at you
Because you never knew how to counter that shit
And you'll never ever learn how to tackle that shit
It's a hardware written in me that's too much too bear
Encrypted into my fuckin' mind, ready to declare
A war on this superficial shit, you don't know shit
Talkin' about my history when you know none of it
Don't comment if you have no background in the first place
I'll bury you underground livin' forever in disgrace..

Enough is Enough.

Another late book out.
Book out at 2111hrs.
Reached home 2305hrs.

Fuckin' hell some people just don't get it.

I was feelin' like shit, down with flu, and I had to put up with your fuckin' attitude that's pissin' me off every single day. I could have just let you deal with all the shit but no, I had to put up with it, I had to do it, it was my responsibility. I don't need people's acknowledgement, gratitude or fuckin' sympathy. No, I just hoped you could have been more considerate and just left me alone.

I don't need your hypocrisy, I don't need your fuckin' lies, I dun require none of your cockiness, none of your arrogance, none of your I-assume-all-rights kinda attitude that you possess. Please, no, i don't need that shit.

I'm tired of confronting the same shit everyday, so please, please don't push me.

Judgement

So darn busy today. Friday late book out today. 7pm but it's my job and I can't have any complaints so many people would die to be in my position.

Can't imagine what time can do to people I never knew
Just can't imagine how people can buy the case you sue
Can't imagine how many chances in my life I've rued
Can't imagine what it's like to never be understood
Rule of the thumb to always be rude, always be crude
If you never signed up for this then I suggest be mute
'Cause I can't imagine myself swallowin' in my sorrow
Always shinin' glow, shiny gold, but ha, they will never grow..
I'm losin' my thoughts and principles that brought me up
Knocked down like a timbre, but it always got me up
I might never get to your legendary kinda level
I'll never rest my case till I hear the sound of the gavel...

Used & Loved.

The best feeling in the world when you meet new friends that you can't stand to be without. That you constantly want to impress to make them like you even more. They make you hope everyday that they won't leave you. Until that day when they actually do, and you're lost without them. You can't think about anything else but when you're going to see them again..


Gee. Thanks for the mail friend.

20 August 2009 1118hrs.

Used vs Loved

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr. old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car.

In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father.....with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?'

The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions... sitting in front of the car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.

The next day that man committed suicide.



Anger and Love have no limits; choose the Love to have a beautiful, lovely life.

Things are to be used and people are to be loved, but the problem in today's world is that, people are used and things are loved.

Let's be careful to keep this thought in mind:
"Things are to be used, but People are to be loved".

Be yourself.... This is the only day we HAVE. Make it a great day!

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder.
God bless you; I hope you are having a wonderful day!

The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not PROTECT you.

Stay FAITHFUL and Be GRATEFUL

If you don't pass this on to anybody, nothing bad will happen; if you do, you will have ministered someone.

God bless!

Mark --> Unread (1)

23 July 2007 22: 56PM email.

A long forgotten email I think even the sender won't remember this. I wonder why I haven't read it (it was left unread in my inbox for some reason).

Subject: FW: Have Some Laugh

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm >afraid it's too heavy.

A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gavel on his table and shouted, 'Order, order.'
The drunkard immediately responded, 'Thank you, your honor, I'll have a >scotch and soda.'

Man Quits Smoking Because Of Will Power.
He Quits Drinking Because Of Will Power.
But He Quits Womanizing Because He Has The Will But No Power.

Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter: Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer: No, I can't.
Waiter: Then does it really matter?

Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting, 'Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!'
'That's great, Sweetheart,' said her daddy. 'Come in to the living room and tell me about it.'
'Well,' began the confession, 'I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science.'

Customer: Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That's all right sir, he won't drink much

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

Customer: Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter: I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

1st thief: Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief: Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

Teacher: Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamt that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love.

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master: Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer: I bet you, it won't.
Post Master: Why not?
Customer: It's addressed to Mumbai.

Barkin' at the Moon..

'Bolt' OST
'' Barking at the Moon'' (Jenny Lewis)

I have got so much to give
I swear I do
I may not have nine lives
But this one feels brand new

Yes I've lived a good one
I have tried to be true
There are some things I never realized
Till I met you

How the wind feels on my cheeks
When I'm barking at the moon

There is no home like the one you've got
Cause that home belongs to you

Here I come
Back to you

There is no home like the one you've got
Cause that home belongs to you

Well I was in trouble, bad
I was so confused
I may not see in color babe
But I sure can feel blue

I have been a lot of things
They may not all be true
My experience was so mysterious
Till I met you

Now the sun will rise in the east
But I'm barking at the moon

There is no home like the one you've got
Cause that home belongs to you

Here I come
Back to you

There is no home like the one you've got
Cause that home belongs to you

There is no home like the one you've got
Cause that home belongs to you

There is no home like the one you've got
Cause that home belongs to you



Bark at the Moon: to protest in vain.

If you don't know what to do, you "don't know whether to wind a watch or bark at the moon".

Dogs bark at the moon because instictively, when their ancestors were in packs, they would howl at the sky to keep track of the rest of the pack's movements, or alert other packs in the area.
An astronaut dog would NOT howl at the earth, as no one could hear it. Dog's may be animals but they have common sense.

LOL smth I read up online via google.

20:22

Finally NDP is OVVVEEEERRRRRRR! =)

politics.

These nights I find it hard to sleep without the light on
These fights I find it hard to rip without a sight on
The clock on the wall keeps tickin' away, right on
Turnin' cannibalistic, fuckers are what I bite on
Grind on, I chew and I live, grew out of my shirt
That's why I'm never goin' back to bein' a nerd
See I never said much in school, pretendin' to be cool
But as I grew up I realised it made more sense to be fool
School was never meant to be educational;
It was meant to be degradable, teachin' you to be lethal
And pounce on every single chance to survive
Even if it inflicts more harm to your friends you derived
I always saw it comin', they say 'once bitten twice shy'
That's why I never shed a tear since my tears went dry
Now you know why I love politics?
'Coz you fuckers don't know how much I own it
Wisdom doesn't come with age, I hope you know it
You can't gain it by livin' thru every single minute
Bred internationally, I speak sensationally
More rationally, illegal occasionally
Motherfuckers know shit about me, they tryna judge me
But see the only pillar of strength I have is within me
So if you thought I always relied on someone else's
Will, please pussy, you just one of those hypocritic dwellers

That's why I love politics

Untitled.

Just keep goin' on..

poison.

Had a lil' too much drink over at the table there
My mind started to swirl, I had to breathe in some fresh air
I pulled back my chair, my mind was tellin' me to 'back off'
But somehow my heart was tellin' me to drink and let off
My internal frustration holdin' me back from misery
It's been troublin' me, it seems like I get away scot-free
Puttin' up a blur front and pretend to be retarded
But ha.. act blur and live longer.. that's how you become smartened..

And I never will let my mind succumb to poison.

Ill

Iller than you think.

Thanks....

6th July 2009; 1700hrs at City Hall MRT

After COS duty on Sunday, left camp at around 0830hrs after helping Marcus guide vehicle to prep for the parade. Thanks staff for promptly typing my Off letter to release me on time =D

Reached Pasir Ris at around 1030hrs, home at 1045hrs or so.

Actually wanted to have a nap (there's always a lack of sleep during duties), but I can't remember what occupied all of my time. Had to unpack my stuff, wash my clothes, I think I went out for lunch I think, can't remember honestly =X

Left house around 1620hrs, reached punctually but somebody was late =X haha went up raffles city to walk for a while.

Met pat at around 1715 I guess. Received my present (thanks) and had to help someone carry her box of shoes haha. Went to buy tickets first before we walked all the way back to raffles city to have mos burger, something pat craved for for some time already. She had emi burger while I had teriyaki burger.! I think we idled there for some time before we decided to catch the 1900 movie. Was slightly late but as you guys know gv movies come with complimentary many many many commercials haha.

Ice Age 3 was enjoyable, the animation was immaculate, and the plot was substantial; in fact I felt as though I was watching Toy Story when I was a kid all over again! And with a friend it was even better! Trust the reviews on this one when they say it's even better transformers2 haha!

The movie's duration's slightly shorter than 2 hours, so after the movie we hung around at pan pacific, walkin around aimlessly and takin' silly pictures hah.

Had to leave before the last train left, went clementi where we departed our ways.

Reached home 0100hrs the next day. Tired. Oh yea. Not mentioning my whole family questioning me why I was carrying those shoes -.-

Think! THINK about where to go tomorrow!






7th July 2009; 1730hrs at Clarke Quay MRT

This time around it was I who was late... =X

I overslept on the train to raffles place, had to take the train back to city hall then to dhoby ghaut.. heh she was waiting for me on the platform but I didn't know so I went up the escalator to the mall. sorry about that eh.

We walked to the newly-renovated Liang Court Shopping Centre, she wanted to go to the Japanese supermarket (Meidi Ya), where she seemed keen on gettin everything she could bring over back aust. haha. In fact she bought a few boxes the Japanese crackers! I bought this box of cookies which u could draw on it using chocolate bits and cream.

Had Ra-men at Liang Court, I don't know why but it seems everytime she's back we seem to only eat Jap food ha.

Took a stroll along Clarke Quay, before the long awaited ice-cream! but darn we should have seen the turkish ice-cream stall first! haha.

Before she left we went listening to some caucasian guy singing at a pub. He sounded pretty good on the guitar singing 'I'm Yours' (and some overture I can't rmbr what song it was) and 'I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing'.

Her dad came to fetch her home, talked to JiaMing for a while on the phone for a while. What happened for the rest of the day remains a blur. All I could remember was I was a lil down, what the fuck was I thinkin' man. I might just regret it for life.