What am I to do?

What am I to do with all these left over feelings for you?

Sent you a message yesterday..
You didn't reply.
Today I asked you again.
All you gave was: 'i could barely open my eyes yday. sry'.
Now do you know how much does this means to me?
You can glance a million times at everything.. At him..
But my message?

You're sick.
I try to show concern.
I want you to know, I'm probably the only person (besides your mum) who cares about you.
Remember you told me: 'I didn't know that there was someone who treasured me so much'?
Well let me tell you this.
If there was anyone who treasured you so much, it's me.
I really treasure the times I spent talking to you.. Those messages.. I don't keep them..
But that doesn't mean that I don't treasure them..

I just don't wanna be exposed or exploited.

Because I don't know what I'm supposed to do with all these feelings that are left for you..

Last week's oral question was
'is there anything you wanted to tell someone so badly.. But you didnt?'

It took me no time at all to say that it's reserved for you.
"What am I to do with all these feelings I have left for you?"

I've never had any experience with this..
"Chances are what you give yourself, not what comes to you.."
I've missed my glaring chance to sieze that opportunity, but I just had to be so late.
Too late..
"so what am I to do with all these feelings I have left for you?"

The promises you make.. Always so promising on the surface..
Beneath it, there is where I see through you.
'coz it's empty.
"so what am I to do with all these feelings I have left for you?"

Someone at my desk told me that
"Dun worry lars. I'm sure you'll find another girl", with a big smiley face =)
but you're simply too special.
"What am I to do with all these feelings I have left for you?"

Love is an illusion.. It's a desire.. A sin?
Coz people feel ashamed about their sins..
And I'm ashamed at my failure.
They say failures are meant to spur you to overcome even more obstacles in the future?
What if it doesn't?
It's just an illusion that everyone should try to evade, everyone should try to forget.
It makes you regret, all allusion that breaks you out in cold sweat..
I wake up, with my whole body wet..
It's been difficult to get by these months..
I can't get enough sleep.
Then I ask myself:
"What am I supposed to do with all these feelings I have left for you?"

I shall control fate and hope.. and never will let them control me... -quote contributed by Alex.