Saddening Happiness

Happy man outside, a sad man inside

Most of y'all don't really wanna see my real side

'cause I have too much pride and I don't confide

In people I don't know, keeping distance in strides

Most of y'all equate bitches to women and sluts

But never knew the definition of true love

For one I've never had it too, thought love was true

Till I was dumped back then, yea I felt it too

See, I'm not about to emo on this blog again

Too many wasted minutes on stupid so-called friends

Attempt to vent, hatred inks with this pen

The high life, I could never really understand

Or contemplate the world with its order tipped over

Religion and faith I try to wave but I pushed over

'cause I ain't feelin' it, so I don't believe in it

Seein' is believing and I don't see the point of it

Played it cool, try to stay true but instead I turned blue

I ain't a scholar, but I ain't no motherfucking fool too
When they told me I was bottom of the meridian

You never gonna make it, so get out of the system

But I stuck with it, played with it, even rolled over it

And now see where I'm standin', on this same concrete

There are no blinds, there is no sign, and there is no line

No rules, so I'ma reclaiming the lost and what was mine

Clueless about the boundaries of the space of time

Facin' set-backs, but I declined and still deter-mined

To one day make it like the athletes who did it

Thru' the struggles and the fall, and proud of it

Sadness, can you express, take the stress test

From the tip of the high-est, this I confess

Pointless, to hide inside your blanket all day

Get a air fresher, an air breather, let it fade away

Clear the air with a little, music filled drizzle
Let the jazz fizzle, take away the miserable

Bosa Nova is good when it sets the mood

I love it the most, classic music is all good

I tapped my feet to it, attempt to dance

Fucked it up with bad rhythm 'cause I can't dance

But I didn't come out to dance, I came to have fun

Even if it means dancing alone with no one

Just wanna have a good time, this time is mine

Work and love, the two last things on my mind

But now that I mention it, awww fuck it

Painful memories tempt to evoke, but I just shut it

I am happy today, better than yesterday or the day before

Than I can imagine, within the soul's deepest core

Lies the happiest man on earth, you just gotta know it

A big wide smile to the sky, yes I too damn know it

I've gotten over it.

There's a drive and a sense of purpose.

'cause I love my fam more than I have ever I thought I did.

And there's music to do.. Looking forward to every recording.

The nights aren't that scary anymore huh. hahahaha. How silly.

I'm so happy and I damn I feel it. I'm so happy.

what.?

I'm swallowing cats and I don't mean it like a Chinese
I'm following facts and I don't mean it like a journalist
I be the conformist, what the rest of the people is
What the confirmed is, what the test of illegal is
The simple-lest cause of the root of all evil
Let's get away from devils with a rest sabbbatical
I'm the lyrical, so I'm never droppin the subject
To kill flows that's whack and rhymes that's whack
You better be running fast when the paper chase is back
You'll be whipping tears that pass and when the face is sad
Frowning like inverted vees when the tissue is off the sneeze
Clownin with favourite tees when I shoot the birds that wheeze

mood swing

I'm not really in the mood man.

July 8th is approaching and I can't focus.

It's not some girl problem or money problem or dilemma shit.

I think, and it seems like.. I'm still recovering from the depression.

Gotta set my mind straight, there's more problems to deal with, more things to accomplish.

WHO'S GONNA BUY THE GOD DAMN APARTMENT?!

I am.

WHO'S GONNA REALIZE HIS DREAM?

I am.

WHO'S GONNA LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST?

I am.

Smitten? I think I finally found someone I could speak at ease to.

WHO'S GONNA REALIZE HIS DREAM?

I am.

But it's tougher than you think. Wake up cousin.

Maisie Flowers

Dear Maisie

It's been seven years since we last met

Still remember when you encouraged me giving me a pat

When I was struggling with the stress and the pressure

Cracking up under the expectations on my god damn shoulders

I was barely 14 years old, never knew my life goals

Still dreaming away in my classes I had my own troubles to juggle

Girl problems, weight problems, teenage rebellion

Livin' in my own world thinkin' they were very big deals then

But then I had to grow up, I had to stay away

From the past memories that used to haunt me every single day

I missed my childhood, my friends who left me for good

But still fantasized that someday they would come to understood

That it was against my will, never wanted to leave this place

Never knew how many times I've cried for this one small place

Damn the world was so small then, now it's huge and boundless

But you understood how hard it was on an immigrant like us

It was like yesterday I saw you at one of those malls

And you looked pale and frail, thought something was wrong

But something held me back, and I didn't even greet you

Now I can only wish I could have said something sweet to

The one and only teacher I truly admire and respect

Who didn't try ta judge me even though I wasn't perfect

Too many money suckers educators in this industry

Pretending to care when all they care about is their salary

I'd bet you were the last of your kind in your golden time

These days it's hard to find an adult who'd cross the line

Take the leap of faith and courage and do the stuff you did

Showering love on them stupid and immature kids

Used to visit you once in a while in a single calendar year

Until in year 2 I decided it wasn't worth the effort or the tears

And a year later I realized my mistake

When a friend of mine said you were gone and dead..

Seems a lot of people don't remember your name

A child wondering why it always brought me such intense pain

Sorry that I took this long to finally say that I love you

Guess some words just had been kept too long inside too

Who would have known 7 years later I'd still remember you

As the motherly figure I looked up to, I'll remember you

Whenever I'm feeling down and I look at the sky

Try ta imagine your smile in the clouds, then I'd give a sigh

Wishin' I'd hugged you before you left

Because no one could have predicted their very own death

This is a simple verse I've been wanting to share

Even if I'm the only person in the world who'd even care

You meant so much to me and for that I'd say peace in heaven

dilemma 30.06.11

Don't mean to brag..

But hell I was damn pleasantly surprised to be offered the Tembusu College vacancy within 2hours after the interview. Cool shit. I think I did pretty well for the interview huh haha.

Ok now, gotta hope I get the god damn scholarship before I can confirm I'm down for this shit.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GET THE SCHOLARSHIP.

I know competition is tough, but I'm prepared to fight for it.

Your Notes My Notes

Weak weak whack!

Grow stronger, my brother!

You deserve so much better

Don't forget to hit 'My Notes'

I saw the sun rise, then the green grew
Weaving through the concrete cracks that we cling to
As long as I can hit my notes, I'ma
Try to keep up with my folks
I smelled rain that brought the flash flood
With a river of permanent tear drops and rap hugs
Bad luck, play with the effortless
So I backed away from quick benefits
She'd skin of those that spit venomous
Yeah that's him, he's the one that tips generous
Still trying to define my description
A life with a little spare time for living
But even if I wanna hold the position
I gotta go, like "Daddy don't know any different"
I saw the noon sky, look at the snow melt
I left most my baggage up in a hotel
As long as I can hit my notes, I'ma
Travel down that gravel road
I heard a bird cry - it was pathetic
Man, if you can fly, spread feathers like a message
As long as I can hit my notes, I'ma
Stay on top this box of soap
I felt the track slip, but didn't pull breaks
I'm half dead, but already got a full plate
As long as I can hit my notes...

Okay I'm thinking anyone reading these posts must be thinking I'm some crazy fucker always going berzerk lol.

Gotta get over this depression shit.

Stop writing raps and go play volleyball

So similar in many ways.

But I can't feel it.

Time.

I couldn't be there earlier right.

OH WHAT THE FUCK YOU DIDN'T FEEL THIS EMO WHEN YOU WERE IN THE ARMY.

SO STOP BEING EMO AND GO WRITE SOME RAPS LOL

Rap the phenomenal monster, in this motherfucking century

Words are the silent killers, I be in the motherfucking sanctuary

Poetry isn't what it used to be like back in the days of Shakespeare

It's degraded, so I be here to bring it back to the days of the yesteryears

I show no fear, just ca-ca-ca-carry on the tradition

These electrical shit ain't frontin', like lyrical malnourishment

Gotta bring the message in the truth, the money is just the bonus

But cats be like who the fuck are you to spit or judge upon us

Versatility is key to the skills of the truest emcee

Playin' with the styles, the ills to the truest emcee

Old school, new school, whatever the combination has to offer

As long as you spread the love and the knowledge cause knowledge is the power!

MAKE THEM PROUD!

再次堅強！

我愣住了，都怪偶個性太膽小..！可惡

下一句要說什麽，下一句不要又獻醜！

初戀第二遍，好犀利！

鴕鳥的心態不要有也不能有！堅強、堅強、堅強！

但是別忘了你要做的東西！

THE LOVE

THE PASSION

THE STABILITY!

1. 幫angel洗澡！吸地板、洗衣服！去跑步運動！
2. 朝7月8日截止日期前進進攻！！！
3. 找一份permanent part time! 又要再教補習嗎？你確定？！想清楚點噢

堅強！

好多事情要完成，

太少時間給平凡人！

怎麽辦我又想哭了

我要堅強！

Rewind and Play

怎麽感覺不到自己有比較特別？

只不過就是這小命一條！

One life is not worth more than another!

但是星期三的畫面一直不斷重復在我腦海裏..！

2011年6月23日淩晨po在facebook上的留言我一直一直的在想！

我從早上起來就一直不斷想~

一直想若呆久一點會有多好，但是，我始終還是要回來新加坡念完大學。

呆太久我怕離開時會更難過

潔妹、昱昱、丞丞
很對不起這次沒太多時閒陪你們玩

阿公、阿嫲
很對不起這次沒幫忙做家務，而且常晚上很晚才到家所以沒陪你們聊天

（姨姨）葉明玲
很對不起沒機會幫你們家兩個可愛的小瓜補英文，不然你下次送他們來新加坡我幫他們補好了（可是英文不標準別怪我啊呵呵）
也很對不起每次回去都很麻煩你；尤其這次安排行程真的多虧你的幫忙（想坐車路綫&訂飯店），讓我同學玩得很愉快。真的非常感謝妳

（婷婷姐姐）Peggy Wang
很對不起只能幫你照顧潔妹幾天，不過那短短的幾個小時讓我重溫小時候天真可愛的模樣！雖然沒吃到二樓餐廳的美味西餐，但是很謝謝你從小到大都那麽照顧我們 :) 最後我當然也要謝謝你幫我訂租車服務，行程才能那麽順利的完成！
還是很懷念以前我們晚上睡覺前講故事..但是不論是鬼故事還是感性的故事我都很愛聼，下次回去你一定要講給我聼！

（姐夫）莊豈豪
這是你和姐姐結婚後我們交談最多話的一次（其實我們今年2月才第一次碰面），雖然也不是很多話，但是能感覺出你待人誠懇，爲人友善又很關心！還記得上次我眼睛整個腫起來你幫我去買葯我有感動到

！謝謝你啦！希望能很快能再見面！

舅舅&舅媽
很對不起每次回來都讓你們“破壞”，這次還請了我所有的同學吃麵讓我太有面子啦哈哈！謝謝你們訂的玉荷包讓我們家裏這次沒去臺灣的也有口福！回到新加坡這東西又貴又難吃的‘美食天堂’，長期住在這會想吃你們的拉麵、炸醬麵、味噌麵、蒜頭麵、紅油抄手！期待媽媽到時打包你們的滷味回來呵呵我很饞嘴吧
這次回去真的太短了，我都還沒機會聼舅舅說些道理，還沒機會跟舅舅學日語！等我日語念好點回去再跟你請教！

薩韻阿姨
很對不起這次回去才看到妳那麽兩次！:( 回到新加坡我會很想念在店裏幫忙你搞幽默！

（濃濃）ヨウ シコウ
很對不起這次回去才睡你們家2次，我們沒打到電動，而且片子還沒看完呢！請你別太快入伍，不然我下次回去臺灣就沒有可以一起熬夜的伴了 =p （不過其實快入伍當完兵也不錯）至少我這次回去有去你比賽支持你，將我人生中的第一次獻給了你 --- 我是說第一次現場看棒球賽啦！你有感動嗎哈哈

蜜蜜
謝謝你照顧我最愛的表哥，但是你也太愛他了吧，讓他每年體重都有進步哈哈！我去看濃比賽你還特別整理準備家裏讓我睡得很舒適，謝謝你！你們家真的好整齊！

姨丈
謝謝你對我們都有求必應；每次回新加坡去桃園機場坐飛機都麻煩你開車；那第一航廈的停車場修那麽久怎麽還沒修好啦

姨媽
雖然我沒表達出來，但看到你好很多我心裏真的很開心。其實我有時候一個人的時候會常想你以前常帶我去大安森林公園散步，喂鴨子吃麵包！時間真的不等人，一轉眼我快21嵗了！
請你要好好保重照顧身體啊

不管別人會不會說我寫這些是做秀，但是我在飛機起飛時看到高速公

路的路燈，我想起16天前我剛抵達台北的那感覺；雖然吸進肺裏的都是污染的空氣，但是它有個味道叫做家。到了這裡，我留下一滴滴的小眼淚，我哭了！

我此刻能夠體會媽媽以前離開臺灣要回去新加坡的心情，才覺得其實我這不算什麽~ 我答應自己要勇敢下去，我要認真的讀好書，完成我的使命！

謝謝你們的愛！

2011年6月06日 晚上我到了台灣，和8位高中同學開始環游台灣
2011年6月23日 淩晨1:30回到了新加坡，等待大學生活的開始，下定了決心..!

July 8th 2011

deadline 1!

無私的愛

真的很想你們

真的很愛你們

I didn't feel a tinge when I was serving in the army for 2 FUCKING YEARS.

But then I went back and.. I still felt the love and the homeliness.

I'M SORRY.. DAMN I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE MISSED FOR THAT 2 YEARS.

But I'm determined not to let it go that easily like I did.

They say home is where the heart is. And it's just been proven again.

I will never let you guys down ever again

• Family, Peace and Health [THE LOVE]
• Academics, the Career, the Lyricism and the Music [THE PASSION]
• Funds and Finance [THE STABILITY]

Not to say only these 3 matter, but anything else can fall down the pecking order.

spammers

removed the annoying chat box.

if you really have anything to say to me you would call me.

FUCKING SPAMMERS

today 22 june 2011

today, i cried.

i miss you guys already.

just wanted to say i love y'all.

today, i cried.

l.o.v.e. & h.i.p. h.o.p.

Shit I think i'm in

Loopin rounds set up by the fuckin' cupids circling around
Oliver can't even twist the plot in this depressing town
Violet rays, violet sprays, blue-coloured space, romanticised plays
Evolution in each chapter, like the lost in the maze

I'm trying to understand this concept by reversing the roles
Never intended to drop the passion or to sell my soul
Still in love with this genre ever since the day I met her
But there's more about this one person I've yet to discover..

She's cast me under a spell and so please oh please oh please wish me well!

lyricist in the making

who's the fucking lyricist?

just a thought (1)

Just a Thought (1)

In a democracy the president and/ or the prime minister is elected by the people to serve the people isn't it?

So is the leadership position a/an prestigious/ elitist one? Or one that is honourable and dignified?

Are we surrendering the power of our votes and giving authority and right to be governed?

If the leadership role was one to serve the people, then why do we have to pin up the pictures of the leader and the first lady at the top of assembly halls?

Conventional truth: the leader is one to be respected

But the truth of the matter is that they are there to serve the people. If so, then as like military personnels, such roles should be lower in rank than the people.

Open your eyes to see and your ears to listen to the people.

Be the change. Demonstrate humility and pin the picture further below the national flag (I know it already is, but further below).. below the stage and at our eye-level. We should respect and look up to him as our leader - but he is not above us. The job is not a prestigious one, but one that should be honoured.

Lol what am I even saying. I might be put behind bars for even having such thoughts, but I still be recording some thoughts on this blog. And don't forget that this is a personal blog. You shouldn't even have a right to be reading this shit and then condemning it because you have a choice to not believe in it. Piss off.!

Peace 228, fuck tyrants!

time. curiousity & suspicion. and break the power.

The second and minute hands are intertwining
And in the glass the grains of sands are underlining
Undermining the shadow patterns of the sun
Redundant in the nights of the hundred and one
Mandatory regurgitations, the mathematics
But the simple life is beyond the naked statistics
I know what governmental heads are trying to make me
So don't try to fool me, don't try to break me
See you thru' like dilated pupils of the gods of death;
I be blind to what I lack and content with what I have
Time always catches up with the procrastinator
But to the day of light time is invisible on paper
It does not exist! So bend the laws of metaphysics!
Pour some kerosene and ignite it with barrels and rigs
Seconds do not tick and chimes do not talk
But good ol' grandfather still be goin' tick-a-tick tock

Guess you still can't put a value on time afterall
Balancing the stress on my humbled mind with each fall
I'm an infant on all fours and the soldier on the floor
Step by step, crawl by crawl as I inch towards the door..

Into the vacuum, into the black hole
To the infinity, to the unknown
To the wholeness of the fruitfulness
Beautiful gardens.. and then nothingness

This is but one life on this lonely planet of ours
Stay humble, stay curious, better yet stay adventurous
Taste the fruit of forbidden and the thorns on flowers
Whatever it takes to rebel against the right of the power

get the fuck out

I cannot manipulate your brain, I cannot control your mouth or decide what comes out of it.

But I fucking hate people who constantly have misconceptions of this land that I love and adore so so so so so greatly, and people who cannot see past the facade that the puppet masters want you to see, or the 'truth' they potray to you that you readily accept it as the ultimate truth.

Read your history, read your books.

This land has its own unique culture, with its tasty local delicacies that you cannot find elsewhere, its friendly people who always make me feel at home, its pretty and nice women who epitomize beauty of mother nature, and its very active aging population, one in which even the elderly are not left behind in its progress. It's even more than its picturesque sceneries that so few people, like myself, appreciate.

It however, also unfortunately a branding of its own; i hate how this country's tourism industry has been commercialised.

Come my 21st birthday this year, I know I'll be taking the oath and surrendering my option to become a citizenship of this country I love. I've been saying I don't have a choice when in fact I do. But it just makes more logical sense that I be doing what I'm gonna do because of the disappointments I've had with the direction this land is heading off in. I've been thinking if I be the one who actually makes the difference, but I'm too powerless to do anything in the first place anyway.

No matter, this land, this republic will still be my country, whether or not I possess her citizenship or her passport.

And no matter how much I appreciate or adore the cultures, history or languages of other foreign countries including, but not exclusive to, that of Japan, Korea, Thailand, Latin America or the European Countries, this country is my home and it will always be my home.

God damn there's still 4 days left but I can't bear to countdown to the day I leave this country.

But I just wanted to say: stop telling me how much you miss the weather or the food or the sceneries or the nice people or the night markets or the nice old people or the beautiful women. Because you don't know what it feels like to be me. And you probably will never emphatize with me.

So, go back to your comfortable house, your comfy little air-conditioned room with your comfy little bed tucked in with your comfy blanket. Brag about your certificates or your car/ motorcycle, your house or the places you've been to. Or any other material possessions or personal achievements you have. Because I don't give a fuck and this place doesn't need more people like you.

Education has failed but we need to see past the fact and know what exactly is failing the society. And maybe, just look into the mirror in your bathroom and you might stand a good chance of finding out the answer.

Live in the cute little world of your own and leave me alone. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

And haha, this is nothing personal by the way. hahaha

what

Woke up today with one less responsibility on my shoulders
Like the undercover soldier who turned out to be the officer
It is a misfit, these shoes are too big, doubting if my feet can fit
But I know these friends ain't worth the lines written on your script

終于..

終于如釋重負了~

english. chinese?

English or Chinese..

Damn I miss writing already.

stupid. chapter. twenty.one. shit.

DISCLAIMER: This ain't out to diss or disrespect nobody.

I don't know.. but..

I sorta regretted coming on this DAMN STUPID CHAPTER 21 SHIT.

But I gotta admit I enjoyed myself whilst during the tour around the Taiwan trip; it's my first commendable feat, a personal achievement I must say. It did allow me to experience a very different holiday in Taiwan - it made me fall in love with Taiwan once again. But this Taiwan I fell in love with seems very superficial - I'm only in love with Southern Taiwan. Northern Taiwanese are still as unfriendly and snobbish (but of course they still have their fair share of nice people) as I remembered.

I come from Taipei, a city in Northern Taiwan. And that (the above statement) coming from me means something. It means a lot in fact. I love Taiwan, I love this island, but it seems nowadays this island has sold its soul for the money.

And it saddens me greatly. I miss the Taiwan that Ee Yen in his childhood lived in.

I don't know. I just don't love you as much as I thought I did. And then I came back and, fuck you, I'm all messed up and confused again.

But I'm glad you cleared up one thing for me. And you made me realize how fucked up some people are. I'm probably never gonna keep in touch with them ever again. It's an experience, a lesson learnt. But these people, some of whom I thought were gonna be long-lasting friends I was gonna keep, can't see eye-to-eye with me. And I hate the fact that I ain't shit to them. And them not appreciating my efforts. I've done so much for them, I've invested so much time and effort and money trying to create the perfect schedule for them. But they ain't interested in that kinda shit. Fucking accountants and rich people with they calculative mindset and practices. You motherfuckers cannot see past the material value the puppet masters want us to see, and you want every cent to be calculated to the dot. That's FUCKED UP. I didn't ask for anything in return when I spent so much, when I expended so much energy in this. And what have you guys done for this trip? FUCKING SHEEPS..

But why can't you at least try to show some appreciation and stop yakking along the GOD DAMN FUCKING TRIP.

On hind sight, I was wrong to start making a fuss out of that. But then again, in retrospect, I probably should have expected this shit when I agreed to be your tour-slave-guide. I am not your maid, I am not your GOD DAMN TRANSLATOR. I was supposed to be your friend. F-R-I-E-N-D. FRIEND.

Maybe they were right all along. Who was I kidding? I am a fucking cancer, I cannot trust you. I love my family more than you guys can ever imagine. Somehow, if I had the chance again to choose between bringing you guys around or just chilling around with my relatives... Jesus, I'd rather spend time with my relatives. Yep, all of the fucking 12days I spent with y'all. Don't get me wrong, I cherish the time I spent travelling, sight-seeing and immersing myself in the love of the Taiwan heartbeat. But I just felt that I did those on my own - I don't think you guys felt the same way that I did, but the times I loved were the ones I spent on my own - I did.

And even if it meant missing all the nice places I went to this time around, I think I would have done that.

The only other person who can relate to me would be the one with the initials C, S and J. So unless you are him, don't talk shit to me. You don't know how much effort I have put in while you guys were away enjoying your fucking holiday in Europe (don't forget who posted that shit on f.b. when we were planning to leave you out for this trip, and who made us spent that extra dollars because of the delay due to all the compromising in between), and working yo ass off for pitiful extra bucks in your miserable part-time jobs.

Tell me, are you gonna blame it on your upbringing or the culture you came from? Come on, I'm sure you don't have to be poor to show some empathy. Buddha was born into a royal family. I'm from a middle-income family. You guys are just people in the upper middle class. So that doesn't give you a right to behave the way you did.

I might be saying this while my mind loses itself amid the anger and the frustration, but I still be saying this not because of the little pennies I spent on you worthless people, or that you ain't showing appreciation for me, or, or, or you ordering me around like your maid.. but 'coz I'm not the type who puts his hand over his mouth:

but YOU FUCKING SELF-RIGHTEOUS AND SELFISH PEOPLE.
(not everyone of u of course, but you know who you are)

And it just proves you do not understand life, or the completeness of it.

Well, did I offend you?

Good, maybe that's because you are my friend. NO MORE :)

stupid. chapter. twenty. one. shit.

留給7月14日生日的留言

留給7月14日生日的留言


親愛的你：

等了21年我們正式結婚了，但我始終無法感覺到你的愛，我想我這一輩子也沒辦法給你想擁有的歸屬感，但我會盡力，請你給我一個機會！

新加坡



... ... ... ...



親愛的新加坡：

雖然宣了誓，但偶還是在等待，等待有一天偶曾經愛的人能醒悟。

偶想回到偶的愛人的身邊，偶想回到我們以前恩愛的日子，偶想再愛她一遍！

請你要相信，其實我也是愛你的，要不然我也不會將我寶貴的2年獻給你！

只是偶的心已給了別人，但偶知道偶已經和你結婚了，就只請你給偶多一點時間來適應這段婚姻吧。

我

留給6月22日飛回去新加坡的留言

留給6月22日飛回去新加坡的留言

親愛的你：

偶改變了，也出賣了偶的靈魂，但請你不要忘記當初的愛！

台灣

Stagnate.

This is the hardest part of any mountain climb

The starting is the easiest 'cause the slope ain't that steep

As you climb upwards there goes the directional signs

No compass, no maps, just your faith and confidence leaps

In between the phases it's a mental battle

I'm losing my patience and getting temperamental

I've seen so much but there's more roads to cover

What does it take to inch towards the top a little closer

Complacency sets in, but I'm about to fight back

Determined not to let it knock me off the fucking track

But I've been wondering where do I even start

Jack of tricks but master of none of the fucking cards

A sign from somewhere, God or someone, would help

However no push or pull is gonna push or pull myself

Gotta take that step myself, gotta walk the walk myself

Maybe someday will I get the chance to prove myself

HOME

What is home to you? A house stringed up with a touch of glue

Full of endless fights and arguments you can relate to

When the night falls and the birds flock in the same feather

Back to their nest where they call out their papas & mamas

But this home is a broken home, every life for they-self

And when you're alone on your own, every life for yourself

A typical dysfunctional family fuck up

And no one understands you, you wish you could wake up

But this ain't no dream, you still the god-damn dreamer

And the line between painter and dreamer gets a little thinner

One-of-a-kind artist, but you gotta stay realistic

When the stomachs growl at night, you gotta be realistic

Work of art is like the solo game of solitaire

No matter how hard i'ma do it till the window is bare

And when the game ends I swear to share my story

About this place I used to call home with pride and glory

Too Much Pride

Lazarus:

Too Much Pride (feat. Stretch Money)

Hands on Mouths

And it seems nowadays people have forgotten our past

Where we came from, how we used to gain their unquestioned trust

FUCK THAT! No one ever doubted your contributions

But stop acting like that should justify the arrogance

Problem is, that seems to be exactly what the problem is

Respect, but don't expect us to bow like the praying mantis

Expats influx rate at what should have been in thirty years

Challenging our labour and the culture right over here

Never has the top and bottom been so divided

So we about to stand up as one people united

And be counted because we are not the fucking servants

It's been a landslide win but you still about to be served up

And I'm not religious so what the hell am I praying for

Let's put an end to these political or resource wars

Never have I seen Uncle Sam so aggressive before

Never have I encountered mind games so subtle before

People don't believe they need chains to be slaves anymore

People say I need to stop these crazy thoughts before I fall

But the Gods have sent messages of judgement day

And there was nothing we could do to stop what he had to say

We don't put our hands over our mouths, no we don't

I still be sending messages of truths on my smartphone

..

I breathe it, I live it, I believe in it, that's true hip hop

The message and the passage, non-stop to the tip top

The King, The Prince, The Princess

A king tries to win over the hearts of his citizens

But, but these people won't listen to the bullshit of his vision

Can't envision the mission, we're destined for fission

When each claims to hold the key to eternal wisdom

It's an indication of negate effects in full motion

One swing is all it takes for these effects to go in tandem

From the minimum to maximum pessimism

Specks of skepticism in sequential periods, pendulums

But time plays down chronology in very slow motions

So I see the flaps of the wings in the very split second

As the world spins and passes by, everything is frozen

Time is the robber of the biggest dreams and passion

And the prince keeps his mental in check in training sessions

Gotta keep the wheels in the full cycle and please 'em

Tries to hide the anger but instead releases the rebellion

Rebellious inside the boy he has won his over with seduction

He succumbs to the tempting temptations in silent notion

But the God is in within in every situation

He pleads, but falls to the fiery depths in the death fashion

With no indication of the slightest remorse or repent

Been taught to hold up the pen against the immoral system

We all vie for oxygen amid the strangulation

But deprivation is too much to bear inside this box of regulation that's full of complaints and unaccounted compensation

The princess lies within her seven by seven square box

Inside this coffin but it's double and triple locked

Her feet are cold despite the double woven wool socks

Pays attention to the single ticks of the grandfather clocks

The castle is full of them but only one can unlock

The cursed spell that holds her down like a boulder rock

Awaits for the prince with the courage and wit to outfox

The master of these pieces and his three hot-headed bull dogs

As the sun sets and the leap year looms, she grieves a night of sobs

The flashback flashes and creeps in with the mental blocks

As the empty door swings like the promise of that final dot

Tying the knots at the loose ends.. like the perfect orthodox.

Smile :)

And it seems nowadays everyone wants to be king..

Don't forget who was the one who compromised with you, bitch.

And now there seems to be some sort of a rally ongoing.

What the hell is really going on? I know what's going on,.

It seems insane that detachment seems to recur so many times in this one life..

Why do I have to subject myself to this torment?

prince in practice moans for the attention that he wants

But most of this town won't even dignify his ignorance with a response

Left to a crowded foster home by a 15 year old mom

Never been held in anyone's arms when you've never been moved its really hard to move on

A young saleswoman sets up shop when the sun sets

She'll make your wildest dreams come true at a price you wont forget

The sadly married set up alibis no harm no regret

Hoping they meet an angel in bed that can wrestle the devil right out of their heads

This city runs fast, no one has time to sit with themselves

No time to look into our pain or see its the same as everyone else

It's here, it's there, it's everywhere tears soak each card the dealers dealt

But time taught me how to see every second as heaven even though they're perfectly disguised as hell

And I refuse to let past bruises cover the light

It ain't all good, but its all good enough, so i know im alright

Agony is truth its our connection to the living

I accept it as perfection and keep on existing

in the now..

I can only build if I tear the walls down

Even if it breaks me I wont let it make me frown

I'm falling but no matter how hard I hit the ground

I'll still smile

I can only build if I tear the walls down

Even if it breaks me I wont let it make me frown

I'm falling but no matter how hard I hit the ground

I'll still smile

...ear to ear as if that's all I'm here for

Despite the wars founded by the rich, funded by the poor

Kids barely 18 are dying so billionaires can make more

Elsewhere hungry mothers watch their babies starve to death in a beat up shack on a dirt floor

The aged professor quotes "Freedom's without a path"

Now he dresses like a widow and preaches "love is dead" in every class

But curiosity killed the cat and taught the dog in him how to act

And it burned his bridge to Jill so he tries to drown the guilt with a bottle of Jack

Self proclaimed rebels say "We must oppose the system!"

"You gotta take a stand!" "If you're not against them you're with them!"

Signs read "Support the troops bring em' home!" "No more innocent victims!"

But when a homeless veteran asks for spare change you're to busy protesting to even listen

And I'm no different I live in conflict and contradiction

But it can be so beautiful when I don't reject what lies within

It's beautiful the way agony connects us to the living

I think of the world when I hurt, and keep on existing

in the now..

I can only build if I tear the walls down

Even if it breaks me I wont let it make me frown

I'm falling but no matter how hard I hit the ground

I'll still smile

I can only build if I tear the walls down

Even if it breaks me I wont let it make me frown

I'm falling but no matter how hard I hit the ground

I'll still smile

Rest in Peace

open windows.

and.. who cares?

i'm just alone with no one to share.

you want this dollar? take it.

when can we ever get away.?

i wished things didn't happen. but maybe it was best it did.

and now i can't even lead a simple life.

i'm living in the shadows of yesterday.

love is tough, who's to decide when's the best time to take this next step?

i'm not in love, just warning you in case you fall into that same trap

if i wanted to do it i would have done it way back, but i didn't.

your window is open.

so is mine.

his.story.

is this how history played itself out?

history doesn't have to affect the way we deal with people today, but some people are just outright arrogant and annoying.

and history teaches. once again.

What time is it?

Wait, is this the right time?

Think about your future.

One too many

Too many people tryin' to play judge

Too many people tryin' to stay plugged

Too many people tryin' to juggle

Too many things in their struggle

Too many people innocently venal

Too many people accidentally viral

Too many people manipulating

Too many people needin' contemplating

Too many people playin' with history

Too many people blinded wit' his story

Too many people giving too many chances

Too many people giving too few chances

Too many people broke in their talents

But remain people rich in their balance

Too many people broke in their balance

But remain people rich in their talents

sorry.

Maybe next year.

I can't wait for then either.

But so many things on hand..

So many things.

dear protagonist

Dear protagonist,

Skeptical about who you hang out with.?

Maybe? Maybe!

Your sincerely.

Educate, people, educate.

Am I suggesting that these ministers and politicians are venal?

No I am not.

I don't believe in a corrupt-free society, but the amount of money we taxpayers pay to be manipulated is ridiculous.

It's even more outrageous when I hear coffee shop talk about how generous the establishment is, with the funds we collected recently.

First off, it's not a lot, when you consider how much we are paying in taxes.

Secondly, it's our own motherfucking money. We paid for our own shit.

How ignorant and oblivious can these people be?

Our people need to be educated.

The elections may have been over, but there's still a long way to go for change.

2011年5月8日，母親節

是親情，讓每一天的生活充溢著一份很平常但卻永恒的溫暖。

隨著嵗月逝去，我們常常將我們最珍貴，最完美的呵護 - 母愛，待為理所當然的。

但不管我們再怎麽錯，你瞧，每個媽媽的笑容中浮現著愛，那是無私的愛，是崇高的愛， 是偉大的母愛。

有人說，母親是心靈的港灣，而媽媽們的笑容，讓美麗完美無瑕.. 這句話我同意。

謝謝媽媽的愛，五月的康乃馨將為妳們而燦爛盛開。2011年5月8日，母親節快樂！

But this pen.

This is all I have. I have nothing else.

art.is.zen.

Melodies played in symphonic rhythms

The beauty of the art spread with a mission

We need to familiarize with the system

Or risk losing our eternal freedom

It's sad to see, apathetic children

Fucking up as the next generation

We need to resolve the situation

Or risk ruining your constitution

Education is much more than just tuition

Learning is not just regurgitation

Of mandatory sentences in lessons

We'll risk these bodily mechanisms

If we don't relax the stress and tension

Life cannot be simplified to equations

Not to mention, they're missing on the actions

Enjoy this second, or risk losing the moment

Love and sex, damn, what a mix and match

God created this bond we cannot detach

Why is love a sin and lust a sinful act

Fucking is only human and that's a fact

If I love a girl, I will love her everything

Bottom to top, top to bottom, everything

If I love her soul, I will love her skin

If lust is a sin, we're all products of sins

Even the test-tube babies are not spared

Do we really need you to share our air?

Nah I'm just playin', the world is all fair

Because to everyone else life is not fair

So whatever reason you're in this life for

Choose your own destiny, this life is yours

The door is open but you've gotta enter

You are the enemy you've gotta better

Untravelled terriroties

She started breathing even before I was in the womb
Got to the age I started reading, she was in the tomb
And then there was all this talk about her revivin'
From the underground down, they never stopped believin'
That one day she would resuscitate and come back greater
Meanwhile the media potrayed the, lime-lighters as saviours
The groundbreakers never stayed outside the picture
Meanwhile the angry and the money rappers were head-liners
Grammy's whack rappers, pretending to be dragon slayers
I'll kill you motherfuckers and your gimmicks, what say ya!
Recyling Asian jokes on incoming Asian rappers
Typical Americans and the rest of the world, fuckers!
Meanwhile I was tryin' to understand the term Hip Hop
Designin' rhymes in limited times, I didn't stop
Dreamin' about grippin' the mic in one hand, just rappin'
Spreadin' the love and the art in different directions

[Hook]
Hip Hop.. is alive again! X 4

Twenty ten was the year I thought I've hit the wall
Dream in shatters, I thought I'd never make another song
Doubters were laughin' at our immaturish dreams
It seemed only two other men were standing in my team
This whole fuckin' hip hop dream? It all seemed distant
Who would support local music coming from an Asian?
So, instead, I stopped playing the race card like Shigga Shay
That ain't never gonna work with those weak ass word plays
Fuck what the world has to say, this is what I have to say:
You motherfuckers cannot feel me, you cannot kill me
I'm bringing Hip Hop to untravelled territories
The truth to the light is shinin' brightly for you to see
If you thought Hip Hop was dead, think twice and think again
Her heart is beating and poundin' in the prides of Asians
This is the home to the world's greatest populations
Hip Hop is reborn in this region, you just have to listen!

[Hook]
Hip Hop.. is alive again! X 4

your struggle. my struggle.

Felt I've been letting myself down for a while.

And the swollen eyes and face and the cracked lips... and the headache.. isn't helping.

This ain't no love song, but..

These bad habits are working up again

Think I need a course on life management

I'm in a mess and nothing else you say make things better

Feel like a thrash, I just felt I had to write this fucking letter

I never envisioned things to turn out the way it did

I never knew I might live and go on to regret it

It started with innocent words that sounded absurd

But nowadays I gotta stay alert with every single word

Like the determinant factor, the guardian of death

It is lives I've stolen, so I am the culprit of theft

Please stop making yourself look like the victim alright

You're not the only one who suffers in them lonely nights

You need act right, while I need to learn to rap tight

There's this thing that's avoiding me, and that's the will to fight

But I will fight even if I've been losing this battle

Fuck handles, I'd still cling on this dream amid the struggle

what kind of love is this?

...it's been a hell of a emotional turbulence
a week before i was happy and all i feel now is sadness
my soul had been filled like a half-filled glass of water
took a sip, and right now there's nothing left in here, it's sad in here
it's mad in here, feel the loneliness in the atmosphere
saw your tears, but u know i was crying too, inside here
you couldn't hear, 'cause my heart was sobbing quietly
all this life i've always tried to live my life righteously
but you couldn't see, how time's gotten the best out of me
i used to be, the man who spoke and wrote confidently
till i figured, i've yet to figure out this whole ropes thing
you're the only one who queues up to hear me sing
and i was happy and exuberant, in bundles of joy
they can try to hurt me but i'm clearing these hurdles of ploy
damn, i don't know what she sees in me, but very clearly
she dotes on me and in return i love her even more dearly..

iphone notebook 250411

Fuck airports and airplanes, fuck these runways

Reminds me of the pain, when you're off to a different place

Life is a race with the rush of pain when you're off the pace

Somebody needs to tell me the way out of this maze

I try to disguise the shit that hurts with this happy face

'cause it's in these moments of silence when I sought solace

I would have bought this place if I had the money

But I don't, 'cause I know money makes a man act funny

I hope to be free and that one day I be something big

However, the evidence I have is weak, it is bleak

But I ain't affected, like those North Koreans deflected

Livin' in nightmares but that's not scarin' me

I've had my share of misfortunes but that's not scarrin' me

They're scared of me, I might just be revolutionary

That's the reason they censor my lyrics and my music

It just happens I answer the critics and coffee shop, bitch!

Risky business!

The world is passing me by, but I ain't movin'

My friends and my enemies have left me, but I ain't movin'

They've got their own lives to meddle and be busy about

While I was still stuck here in this lab thinkin' of a way out

This world right here is addicted to speed that we don't need

That's the reason why these kids are growing like weed

Reminiscing about the old days, damn I do feel old

Those days were great, but since then the days have been real cold

I've been told, that the straight aces will get you somewhere

But meanwhile I see straight faces spreading everywhere

I think I have a reason to be scared of death to death

Tweelaophobia when I find my balance has nothin' left

But there's still a long way to go, there's still places to go

Lifes mazes to blindly follow and life races to blow

They say stick to the status quo but I say fuck it

If life is a chance then it's a risk I'm willing to take it

drained

Drained from the energies sapped from the inner soul

He can't think straight without a purpose or a goal

Braggin' about his talents and dreams in broad day light

But it still remains that dream he dreamed at night

Nobody shares the same plight or that Asian pride

And the truth is the only thing they cannot hide

Victorious between the battle of persuasion

Standing tall among caucasians, standing for asians

Playing down the race card in every rhyme he writes

Silently he tries to hide the mind's internal fights

At times trying to sound white, maybe black

Amid the identity crisis he draws constant flak

It's him against the stigma of the status quo

Doesn't want to battle or write the dopest quotes

But always proud of every rhyme he's written and wrote

But gotta stay humble while learning these ropes

Hogging on to that one dream behind the screen

That's the only one thing he learnt since aged sixteen

And this typical dream is typical except one thing

This guy's really got material in the shit's he's writing

that's (not) it.

and shit gets more and more tiring with every week

my hands are locked up in chains like a repeat convict

neo-colonialism pushin' me to the brinks of breakdown

grey hairs threatenin' with single blinks and fake smiles

clowns moving from town to town, industry meltdown

sounding profound, the saddist inverting their frowns

convinced happiness is within the reach of that hundred pounds

i'm just a fish like the rest of you, i'm just lurkin' around

tryin' to remember who I used to be, what my dream was

but too many distractions try to strike me off course

and of course i wanted to be somebody useful

except i never wanted to be used as a tool

too many jobs offering you low flat wages

but i know i'm worth more than that shitty ass wages

i try to get pass the stages, try to break these cages

this is just one life chapter as i flip thru these pages..

seal the fuckin' contract, dude!

you know you've been side-tracked awhile.. it's like selling your soul away for this fuckin' contract man.

the difference is, you know you've only pawned it away.. you're gonna get it back soon enough.

just grit ur teeth and bear thru' these 2 weeks.. and you're all gonna find a way out.

eventually.

but time waits for no man..

you ain't getting nothing but older, so HURRY THE FUCK UP before you lose the moment.

jigsaw puzzles 130311

Was trying to sleep, but this thing keeps lingering on my mind..

Like I don't know man, the final jigsaw was found, I thought the puzzle was gonna get pieced up, and then so many new chips are introduced in.. It all doesn't make sense now. I wanna just see the bigger picture, without the chips.

It's fun and shit, but something just keeps telling me to ignore these chips, reminder of how much they used to mock at you, and how they still hold that judgement of you.

And I'm at a lost of what to do.

Piece of shit.

Reminders February 2011.

我還是喜歡在臺灣的生活！

這次新年回去，臺北街上空蕩蕩，讓我體會到臺北的另一面。

去了日月潭，那兒的山水如畫，空氣新鮮，早上湖上的霧如仙境般，而且還好那天沒太多的大陸客:p 有空想再去台中玩，在那邊住個兩三天也不錯。

也在初一去了新竹縣 > 五峰鄉 > 桃山村 > 清泉 找娃夏阿姨，在那兒住了一晚。在山上最難忘的是我和妹妹第一次放鞭炮，是走吊橋看風景，是站在大卡車上兜風對大家大喊 “新年快樂！”，是在寒冷的晚上在路邊泡腳 (還有那超丟臉的事！呵呵) ，是天上那數不完的閃亮星星，是原住名的熱情（鄉長祝福我和妹妹我們這兩個陌生人有個美好的未來，以後娶個好老婆，嫁給個好老公 --- 姐姐說他是不是上臺演講的臺詞背太多了！），是很傳統的在地上鋪面被睡覺，是娃夏阿姨和的細心照顧，讓我們有個很美好的一段的2011新年回憶 :)

去了大葉幫忙會手忙腳亂，有時午餐時間排長隊，讓我和妹妹招架不住，還挨舅媽的批評，但我知道，批評是因爲要求我們兩進步，做事更有效率! 以前常看濃、姐姐、阿平哥哥在店裏做事，現在自己做起來才知道其實一點也不簡單！不用謝謝我們，我們吃了那麽多年舅舅的麵 （還有你們常請客），這也是應該的！ 謝謝你們帶我們去山上，去吃日本餐 （日戶屋）、法國餐 （SOGO台北復興館 10F 法樂琪精緻沙拉吧）、麻辣火鍋 （馬辣）、四川菜（西門町 & 忠孝東路 216巷），阿濬說的沒錯，他的確拜對 “乾家” 嘻嘻~ 也謝謝舅舅和阿平哥哥和我聊天，讓我發現我很多想法思維上的的錯誤，也同時給了我一些些生活上的小撇步和 idea..

謝謝婷婷姐姐（還有姐夫幫我買眼藥水，載我們上下山）還有你們家潔妹帶給我們的娛樂和快樂！現在有了小孩子，生活上開始忙得不可開交了哦~下次有機會再一起出去！

可惜我在臺灣沒幾天濃濃就要去日本遊學，但那幾晚在舅舅家裏晚上打電動，看電影，讓我很懷念以前小時候無憂無慮的生活，在深夜打電動直到舅媽起來給我們訓話 ！

還有，在泰順街住，肚子絕對不會餓的啦！阿公常到外面買便當或是去菜市場買菜回來煮飯, 謝謝阿公！

在臺灣的最後一晚去了淡水，之前下午去了野柳地質公園，與女王頭拍照，在海邊刮刮很涼快的風，在綿綿的雨中與姨丈、妹妹、承承、昱昱散散步，拍拍照，感覺還不錯！也真幸好當天沒太多的大陸客 :/ (還記得我們前面兩對大陸客霸佔女王頭超久的！) 謝謝姨丈也送我到機場！

最後，我覺得這次回去最辛苦的是姨姨了.. 每晚上玩班後還要幫我們想節目去師大夜市、景美夜市、五分浦買衣服、公關買東西吃東西、去永和吃牛排、去關渡宮拜拜，我生病時帶我去看醫生、又帶妹妹去配眼鏡... 回到家還要煩兩個小瓜的事，真是辛苦你了！

雖然這次回去又感覺臺灣/臺北人好像變得比較冷漠，不友善，素質似乎變差了一點（現在很多人搭捷運都不排隊了，很多人不禮貌，待人怠慢），但不管家裏、世界再怎麽紛紛繞繞喧喧閙閙，很欣慰我們這一家能團聚，回到臺灣總有一種從未離開這裡的感覺！

我已經開始想念臺灣，想念你們了~！

（差點忘了這次回去的其中最重要的事：姨媽中風住院，這次回去去探望姨媽3次，3次姨媽精神元氣都有進步。常回想起幼時姨媽帶我去大安公園餵鴨子，來家裏時一定會買一大箱我最愛的養樂多給我喝~姨媽人真的很慈祥..希望姨媽能早日康復，下次返臺能去姨媽家看看她。）

This trip has softened me a little bit..

But I was just trying to remember where the fuck I came from.. And who the fuck I really was..

And how things really are..

As a kid so many things were so perfect in my eyes

But now it just seems that the nice people weren't really nice

The people who's stuck through with me are the real deal in this life

When all these time I wanted to just settle down with a wife?!

Fuck that!

Who can feel the way I feel? Who can see the things I see?!

Who can understand the way things were? Who can you see?

It's me, so why can't you take this pill and swallow the fact

It's much easier if you could listen and follow the act

And maybe if you listened you wouldn't have fallen into that trap....

And still hold that pride of yours and be snorting off at the people who loved you

When they still loved you..

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY 2011.

So I told myself to be strong. And to learn to distinguish opinion from fact.

If I gotta crack my head and soul out to do the things I want, I've still gotta do it

It's the only god damn thing I know how to do.

random ink 290111

There's this emptiness inside of me, and it's killing me slowly
I've got so fuckin' many problems to contemplate, it's scary
My body has a mind of its own, it's tellin' me to live lazy
And my mind doesn't allow me to think too much, it's crazy
But when I switch on the tv, and try to direct my attention
To the public's attention and try to digest the information
I don't absorb shit.. It's the invasion of the fuckin' white noise!

random ink.

Holiday

My closest cousin's gone to Japan for a month.. And now I feel as though I'm on my own.. But I kinda enjoy this feeling.

I guess coming back was always gonna be a get-away.. From the fucked up routine life.

Ha, holidays are just great aren't they.

ON VACATION

17 Jan 2011 - 10 Feb 2011

Be back 11 Feb 2011, approx. 0200hrs.

Different things.. different lies?

Sometimes I think to myself if things could have been different
But on second thought they didn't give me shit back then
So what's wrong with this whole system we livin' in
Is our background the real problem? Come on who are we kiddin'
Can't you sense and detect? Over here don't expect people to show respect
This is the beauracracy we elect, the rest of us are just rejects
Not just in retrospect, in fact, just look at the history we've been buildin'...
Are we really makin' history..? Or have things been laid out before us..?

C'on stop lying already. We've fed enough brains with lies.

School of Thoughts

Nobody can understand the complexity of this brain or this soul.

I'm the motherfuckin' complex thought.

Zen.. The school of thoughts. Freethinking ideology is the future common sense.

The Music Box!

The Teacha. Xie.

Is it destiny..? Or is it just mere coincidental?

Some things are left unexplored, but the paths we choose are pre-determined by the imaginary scholar up in our head? Or are they imaginary at all?

Religious.. Non-religious.. Superstition.. Or just realistic?

But I know I was chosen for this shit.

There's no turning back.

Thoughts on my head:
- Subject to major in?
- Filial Piety?
- Music in my head.. In my blood.. Or in my soul..?

That's the god damn music box.!

Education.

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an empty one."

- Malcolm Forbes

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

- Aristotle

"The freethinking of one age is the common sense of the next."

- Matthew Arnold

Random..

"You may be a person to the world, but to a person you may be the world."

- Heather Cortez/ Brandi Snyder?