一輩子

也不知道爲什麽，但我想我會等你一輩子..

But haha I'm quite sure 10 years down the road I'll look back on this post and be asking wtf i was thinking haha. but atm i'm insanely drawn by you.

end of histor-ray

The dawn sets upon us, it's a new era

We've fought the wars dragged by the feet traveled in horror

Tired, lethargic and hungered, resources are exhausted

They say we're fighting for patriotism, but didn't we cause it?

Dictated by the circle of life, lives flowin' in circles

I'm sure 90% of this society don't even know what they're into

Apotheosis of praetors, those who rebel are traitors

Time ticks off the guillotine, silenced berated haters

Evidence! Pictures speak more than words in sentences

Pullin' his hair, Voltaire wonders where is their common sense

Nowadays we all want freedom, what an oxymoron

Magnify under microscopes and you will see what is wrong

why do i care?

but why do i care?

wait some more, make some wars

It's obvious time is running out, need I shout it out

But I'd keep quiet, not loud, what ya hollerin about

I'm tryin' to make my iris, pupils and mind concentrate

Last grains of sand, disequilibrium, it's all but too late!

Another date, another day I see the last shines of rays

I'm tryin' to forget what happened today, yesterday

But it only gets harder each day, I'm trying to stay awake

Give me another plate of lost passion you tried to emulate

Pour me another, so I can forget this addiction

Pour me another, so I can regret this attraction

Who really needs the gears and teeth, mutual interaction

Who really needs the fear, turned leaves, special intervention

Birds sing why the caged I know, chirps away the show

Freezin' snows, white flakes follow, she wouldn't let me go

I will wait, I will wait, I will wait and wait some more

Till memories, feelings, my heart, my mind make some wars

There's angels among us.

Some are just asleep.

Atmospheric conditions, climatic situations.

fightin for scraps

I was destined to be next-in-line, the king

But now I'm losing interest in almost everything

While the rest of humanity is fighting for scraps

I'm just sitting, watching this fights among cats

I might as well reincarnate as a filthy rat

Scurryin' down the sewers to avoid attacks

But I'm a man, I do not cower in the face of danger

I'ma stand up proud and strong to face these strangers

Life phases in stages, they pin me down in pages

They try to kill me emotionally with images

In this age we anticipate the apocalypse

And with this rage I predicate the fucking red lips

The eclipse, great sips on this cup of coffee, my tea

Opaque as hell but my reflection is all that I see

Weird to y'all but it makes complete sense to me

While y'all faggots can keep being wannabes

I want to see the end of time, humanity panics

And all we see is similarities, although distinct

And we no longer see ourselves as Asians or Hispanics

When hypocrites stop saying shit that contradicts

My pet.

These days I observe our dog a little more.

She's just so beautiful..

So beautiful, ain't she?

mental bewilderness.

Mental bewilderness

I woke up from another one fucked up night

I'm huggin' onto the poster with me holdin' the mic

You can't always get what you want

Somethings will always remain a dream, you fuckin' cunt

I'm fallin' thru the cracks on the ground

But with wings I flew, soarin' like supersonic sounds

Up, up, up and away, I'm sorry I can't stay

To watch you grow, but thanks by the way

For the way your love was unconditional

They forget each birth was a miracle

Yet some can't wait to throw it away

Lost like a pin needle in stacks of hay

But I, can empathize with the struggle

I can minimize the puzzle, with the bubble

About to burst, it's in danger, endangered

Hungered scavengers, paper peacemakers

Fuckin' fakers need to vanish from surface of earth

Run and never return to this turf of ours

Lyrically dark themed, conniving dark schemes

You only need words and thoughts on your team

assdigydaigdfoighosajolawdugpojnmerglzmjgjtogbjm'fgpkjh[0yrh

arigato

Thanks kinetik, thanks aidan, thanks cheryl for always being there for me. Thanks gb for hearing me out. thanks vlad for that enlightening conversation.

Thanks to my family. Singapore or Taiwan, y'all have never let me down. NEVER, EVER.

These fuckin' 3, 4 years is just a small stepping stone. get the fuck out of the way.

And for those who don't respect me, haha, it doesn't matter because I know so many others who do, and those who truly cherish me. And my love for them is greater than you can ever imagine.

If I happen to neglect you sometimes, please forgive me. There's just too many things to do. But I never, ever forget the times you've rendered me help. And for that I appreciate.

When I help a friend/ family, I don't expect anything in return. That should be the way it is. That is my principle. But at least show some appreciation. Don't EVER take anyone for granted.

"I'm sorry. I forgot. I only exist when you need something."

and the city shall live to see another day. an achievement in itself.

got my back

Lately I feel like I've let myself down

Too much complainin', squeekin' and whiny sounds

I didn't mean for shit to happen this way

Didn't even mean a single thing that I said

I hit a new all time low for no reason

I was going insane, sinkin' into depression

My friends were slowly leavin' me one by one

Moved on with their lives, having their own fun

In contrast I was fallin' behind in academics

Strugglin' to adapt, I was strugglin' to fit

In a place people didn't know you exist

Still hovering in horizons, into the abyss

But haha I feel so happy today

For some weird ass reason I cannot say

I remember why I was here in the first place

To educate the entire human race

No matter how limited my knowledge might be

I will keep learning and teaching ambitiously

There goes another episode of wasted time

I'll work hard, hope this will be the very last time

I ever let my loved ones down, I miss y'all that's true

Still remember the promises I made to you

Seems like yesterday I was in my super S outfit

Tight fitting, laughed and mocked, a super fat kid

A super fat pampered kid, got a culture shock

My dad's company went broke from plummeted stocks

Adult's talk, I never understood the politricks

But we could no longer afford what we used to eat

But all that is over, the sky is clear again

Kept the stain till this day, it's ingrained in my brain

Remindin' me nothing came easy, appreciate that

Remember what it was like writing your first rap?

Eh yo,

Fuck you, you and you and fuck you too!

hhaa motherfuckin' doubters.

and to my friends, thanks for the nice conversations, i think i've got my drive back.

Be careful

I just wanted a little bit..

Just a little bit.

Ha, I don't even know what I'm saying.

i will still come back home.

Really need to migrate overseas to work on this.

Problems will persist, i'll be homesick but I think I have to.

But i'll still come back home.. or homes.

Who will be the ones to stick with u till the end of time?

Outoflove

Ich bin alles aus Liebe

being nice never pays.

Ok that's it. I'm exhausted.

So much is at stake I need to regain some rationality.

Some people are not worth your time, you know you've just gotta purge them, you've just gotta ignore them.

But as a gentleman deep down I can't do that. Whether you a guy or a girl, I've tried to be nice. I've tried.

But being nice never pays.

I know if you're just taking advantage of me. I know if you're the kind of person who'd only talk to me when you need help. I know if I'm just your stepping board.

I know, I know.

SCHOOL.

"Black clothes, blank stare, dyed hair

You could die tomorrow and nobody would care"

SUNSHINE

I'VE GOT SUNSHINE IN MY HANDS

the city part 2

The city is full of people but noone knows you

Money and sex the things they relate to

They want to see what's real, what they can touch and feel

The world is fucked, and that's how I feel

I got ten million reasons to kill

Got ten millions items for me to steal

I am travelling on the road to riches

Mercenary as fuck, fuckin' bitches

But at the end of the day still empty as fuck

Truth be told, I never tried to sneak a touch

On dollar bills and butts, I guess I never will

Fit into your fuckin' system against my own will

Somebody once preached "God loves Ugly"

But the way I see it, I can guarantee

It's not a virtue anymore, it's kicked out the door

Withstanding the stampede as I lie on the floor

the city

The city streets glitter in the city of lights

While the poor struggle to survive another night

Where the day starts with signals of rooster calls

Here we are the animals, I say fuck a rooster call

In the morning we're back to our cage with four walls

Aimless and mindless waiting for the night to fall

The party begins so it's time for bottles to pour

Overdose, on the streets these bodies start to crawl

The ragged looks on in the same envious glances

Wondering what rendered them their circumstances

What you can afford in a night is gold in their eyes

They could do more with that money than spending on ice

It's a crack habit, a bad habit for the rabids

But how can you blame on the pampered kids

Censored from the realest pictures ever captured

They just consumers of what they manufacture

Out of mind, out of sight even in broad daylight

How the fuck you expect them to have a foresight?

Livin' like graphs till the x and y axes collide

Infecting earth like a motherfucking parasite

The city is full of people but noone knows you

'cause money and cents - the only things they relate to..

ok back to sleep now

Liar, liar~

You don't deserve my friendship, go eat shit

Your words are lies that paradoxically contradict

Pinning all blames on everything else is a crime

And you're a hypocrite bemoaning the lack of time

Your friendship will never be mine, and I'm cool wit it

You only need me when you need a fuckin' sidekick

So if I had a wand I'd cast away this memory

Have it vanished to the bottom of the sea

I'm not even askin' for a favor to return

'cause true friendships will survive even third degree burns

On platonic ones, I understand skepticism

But baby, don't treat me like I'm a fucking demon

These men don't really give a fuck if you're pregnant

They only mission is to spread semen, but I'm different

I ain't a feminist but them girls need to beware

Or be left in the cold when you're hungry and scared

I MEAN IT WHEN I SAY THAT I LOVE YOU

To families and friends

I MEAN IT WHEN I SAY THAT I MISS YOU.

"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody"

It's an old book but it totally echoes my current state of thought.

Who doesn't get frustrated when life is bullshit

And it doesn't play out the way that you want it

Fuck it, let me state all the worries I possess

Not enough love, not enough friends and not enough cash

Not enough hugs, not enough bitches to show my love

But I don't let media fool me thinking there is true love

And every page states minimum wage in this fucking cage

Short-sighted faggots can't envision the future image

Where alienation's gonna hit you harder than you think

That's the reason there is no water in the kitchen sink

I feel like a loser and things only gets sorer

It gets worse when your pockets feel lighter without dollars

Struggles of the poor, turned behind by blind eyes

Suddenly I have a dream of catching the ryes

Too often I have a problem with my hermetic self

Can't let go of the hook I cling onto since age twelve

Pictorial signs that dictate personal profiles

Sentimental minds that dilate critical smiles

So when I grab the mic I grab it tight, I grab it right

Never forgetting those who shone the light in the darkest nights

I remember when I was just a kid with no worries

But memories seem so distant I wonder if that kid was me

Raised by a driven dad and a loving mum

But still dependent on them at age twenty one

Passin' life, I went to school, crossing boundaries

Determined not to let anyone see the real side of me

But I understand that ain't gonna get me far

People get defensive after they sustain a scar

Not willing to open up to people, are they

But reality and truth can't match, they say

You just gotta live with it, through the fog and the mist

And hope one day eternal bliss really exists

But for now that day shall remain a beautiful dream

Where the patch of grass will glow a pasture green

Chances are slim, but that don't mean it won't happen

Meanwhile you can fight till the sun is burnt

Till day turns night till the death of zeitgeist

When nothing matters, fuck the times you memorized

When you were mesmerized, by the person next to you

And you realize I was the only person who was true

I MEAN IT WHEN I SAY THAT I LOVE YOU.

“憂鬱..那可有可無的道具”

像一陣透明微風 給你絕對的寬容
當你的淚如泉湧 我是你的垃圾桶

Win > Lose

Treated like shit, so I had to be explicit

Thrown the shit off my chest and take off the heat

But understand I'm made of soft tissues, not concrete

So wipe off some of the dust off your double eye-lids

Love turns hate, as it degrades, and degenerate

To the inner soul of the body it penetrates

Let me set it straight against the destine of fate

cause, "I'm on my way so don't close that gate"

And as I stand here upon my script of life

Wonderin' if I could have done shit different in life

But haha, you only get one shot in this game of life

So I took the chance and spoke my mind.. last night.

And I wonder if 'sie' even cares anymore

But what I saw, und sie kümmert sich nicht mehre

And if that's the case then the case is closed

'cause you have won more than I have ever 'lows-ed'

surpression

Need to sleep. I think I'll be fine tonight.

insomnia

I'm sufferin' from insomnia these sleepless nights

Cruisin' thru' days with amnesia in broad day light

Forgot how I got here, forgot how I got fear

Forgot how I ended up with this bottle of beer

Devils puppetin' this fuckin' body with strings

But they don't understand the pain it brings, it stings!

you must be blinded

YOU ARE FUCKING BLIND! OMG.

before i'm gone

Everybody can see.. except you.

How come!

haha just fooling around. piss off!

But a number..

Our lives are so degraded, with memories that are faded

Try to erase it 'cause we hate it, with pain that is abated

Dilated opticals when we see belated miracles

But seeing is not always true, give credit where it is due

I'm sufferin' bruises from the war that was fought with blood

Against the heavens from shores that was shot with floods

God cannot hear the, or see the, real motives of believers

Oblivious and the ignorant, they try to deceive them

Under the false consciousness implanted by the government

Sticks of carrots, and opiates of the masses - religion

People need to open their eyes wider, not just the Asians

Do you really believe what they say about foreign investments?

In the system of the capitalist, the workers emerge

They came with empty pockets, so they were happy at first

Until one day they grew disgruntled with the second class treatment

They came to revolt, wanted to make a bold statement

But were too self-interested to even keep it real

Bought over by monetary appeals, they just couldn't stay true

Sucked into the vortex of a vacuum, they were simply consumed

See, these consumers are the real products being consumed

So give them a room for them to wallow in their sorrow

In the darkest nights, no promises you'll see tomorrow

You need a dollar to borrow? But money doesn't exist

You're hallucinated, believin' the value it promises

But the bottom line is this: it is dehumanizing

With all their might they will try to quantify every single thing

From money, to time, to the total human population

From monkeys, to swines, we all have identifications

You are dispensable, nothing more than just a number..

五月天3DNA

你提醒了我..

我最最最初的夢想

追夢。2012年09月18日

contracts

So I went on with my life, the college and the bullshit

Only to realize his words were true, college's full of misfits

Scam, fraud, it's so fucking fake, you're so fucking fake

Making you my friend was my number one mistake

It's true, in certain aspects I gained some respect

But bounded by the clauses once you ink the contract

Who's to say what, who's to say how, got the speaking rights

But on repeat I chose to keep my lips shut tight

One day she'll understand the path I chose to take

Why do I have to plead to the Hedonist's sake?

On a separate issue..

I got a friend who's strugglin' with depression

Thru the days and the nights I think of solutions

But the thoughts sank deeper, I fell into the equation

That summed up like a vortex situation

Disjointed hands cling onto the elapse of time

But uplifted heads prevent the relapse of minds

just a few points i had to say.

there is no 'i'

Putting on a false front, she'll never understand

Diffusion into mainstream, the ordinary man

Big shoes to fill, but they shrunk over the years, until

He was reduced to pursuing the cheap dollar bills

All he ever wanted in life was pursuing his dream

But assimilation entails taking one for the team

Coffee shop revolutionaries talk about 'the life'

Escapism entices when competition is rife

When it comes to imagery they are visionary

But unworthy when it comes to reality

The last fours decades wasted on breathing, he spent

Always wondering where the fuck the days went

The years wear on and soon enough he too will be gone

Not quite finished yet but it'll be too late for her to mourn

When you grasp the definition of vulnerable

The delusional will have the truth smacked in opticals

It's 1am in the morning..

Meaningless wars

"They're out there being slaughtered

In meaningless wars so you don't have to bother"

That's why we all should know politics.

getthefuckout

Okay you know what, that's it with sad emo songs

From the moment I wrote that last shit I knew I was wrong

Used to envision my poetry raising awareness

But all I ever write these days is expressing sadness

Something changed inside of me, I got a little softer

From the days when I thought raps only evoked anger

When it taught me to rap gangsta, I developed the opposite

Stop the violence in hip hop, I believed in that shit

And I'd like to believe that I do know something

But Socrates taught me to see that I only know nothing

And that was the thing, I couldn't sing so I rapped

Till this day I still love spittin', rhymin' and word attack

Fallin' in love with every single rhyme I hear

But too many distortions and discourses, they appear

I keep side-trackin' but shit's still gonna be done

There's battles to handle but the war's still there to be won

Give me refund, of my failed emotional investments

Emotive words in statements, evoke the sentiments

For every rhyme I write I'm responsible for

I'd echo it across the fucking audible walls..

ok fuck i still have german to study and assignments to do.

simply no time for emotional troubles. get the fuck out.

onthetrain 020911 afternoon

This emotion is too much to take, it's intricate
The way my emotions intertwine and twist, it's delicate
Complicated, you cannot separate a man from his soul
And you cannot castigate the way that I flow
As the story is told I'm drownin' in powdered water
Ain't nobody to save me except me, the fact of the matter
Is that nobody can hold my reigns even if I'm tied to chains
Only text-type sad faces can express them in plain
I ask myself why do I have to put myself thru' this shit
I'm a grown man I'm supposed to manipulate the shit
Not the other way round, fuck the emo elements
The roots causes, jealousy and envy in resonance
To anyone in similar positions this is my suggestion
Don't ever let ur feelings mix into the equation
Regret you didn't fuckin' show your intentions, affections
I'm not saying I'm in the worst possible scenario
But it sucks to live in another man's shadow
Someone you don't even know, motherfuckin' raptures
I will motherfuckin' capture, emerge from the stature
Just to prove he a player, and I know you know it
From the fiery depths of hell, I will blow it, just so I show it
But this pen is my the form in which I express best
That's why I wrote this shit to get it off my chest
So fuck the pandora box and the maiden who opened it
For I am the man who's out grown this head. I condoned it
They say men are visual creatures but I beg to differ
Cause I'm the living proof good still exists in the world
My eyes are small but my vision's better than most faggots
The best dressed whenever I put on straight leathered jackets..

喜新厭舊

People getting lost in their small little worlds they ignore the little nice things in life..

Including the people around them.

喜新厭舊

Stress and Politricks

And the stress keeps piling on top of my head

I'm motivational, that's what the letter said

But instead, this pressure is starting to spread

All over my body, my shoulder starts to crack

The mass' too real for this physique to undertake

An alternate thought for me to contemplate

I'm burning under the rays of infra-red

The brain is porous so you can easily infiltrate

But that will never be me - I'm a man of my own

And you will get shot if you try to steal my throne

So you better be gone if you still deliberate

This is not for those who can't focus or concentrate

Off to bed before the boogieman awakes

Got this technique you cannot berate or actuate

Translate: I murder offensive castigators,

You fucking morons, biters and alligators

Never wrote shit in a day of their lives

But try to put me at mercy of the knife

All I feel is strife when injustice is rife

Politricks fucking up our quality of life

barely known.

Perhaps some regret over the invitation.

But like my friend, I like these 2 lines the best.

Open-minded, but never the type to make the moves

I'm the shy type, so when it comes to love I always lose

And it's obvious that everyone can see that

You're oblivious to even the sight of my back

I can only blame myself for being soft-hearted

Always kept low profile since the day I departed

I think you need a pair of new eye contacts

You're too young you develop eye cataracts

Your vision is parallax, small eyes see wider

You need to set your targets a little higher

Than your associated height, my future is bright

But we're always short-term minded, right?

Better than that

Seriously, who do you think gives a FUCK about you

Who the fuck are you!

You need to get a grip, you need to avoid distractions.! Just settling down but so many challenges are ahead. And you don't even know shit that's going on lol.

Don't let someone else affect who you are. You are the master of your own mind!

And you can only rhyme sentences, that's it. You need to be better than that.

fear and quiver!

Is this excitement, or is this just fear

I am enthralled, but did I just quiver?

The unknown stares straight at me in the eye

'cause I never knew the definition of being fly

So I try, I try and I keep trying harder

For every second it makes me grow weaker

But my soul has never left this magic lantern

Lamp, whatever, but it scorches inside, it burns

I feel trapped, suffocated within the corners

No matter how hard you try you'll never get better

Than this stubborn old piece scrap of metal

It refuses to budge, it is the toughest material

It protects me from the outside, that's right

But I no longer want to be kept safe inside

The crab has to leave its shell someday

Gotta find a better home for him to stay

Gotta find a better date, find a better mate

Find money, cash, food to put on the plate

Some people like to think I'm oh-so fake

But I say fuck 'em, I elate as they gape..

come back.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to this pen, this notebook, this laptop. I'm sorry to my friends. I'm sorry to myself.

But tomorrow morning I'll be okay and I'll be back to my ways.

I don't want to live like this.

Hope things are going well for you inside, bro.

But outside here, things are no less difficult. Been stuck here on this page thinking of verses and rhymes I used to write.. But fuck! Maybe they were shit in the first place.

Where are my bars.? Come back, I need you. To remind me why I'm even studying this in the first place.

Please. remind zen not to get distracted. think about the people you've got to answer for. think about yourself.

gay rhymes

Gay rhymes

It's a dangerous attempt, probably my one and only chance

But I think I blew it tonight, displaying too much pretense

On hindsight it might have been better with a direct pursuit

But you couldn't skip foreplay to go to the interlude

It doesn't usually work that way, how the game is played

Showering compliments, praise bombardments like air raid

Then you go on to tell her how you really feel about her

That ain't my demeanor, casting my doubts about her

I admit, I got into it thinkin' I could stir some shit

The closer I got the more I couldn't do runs and hits

Thinking I got the skills to impress, except I couldn't dress

Striking out at tests, let me try sparking your interest

新的開始

I feel like a traitor already.

I'm losing my identity, but I'm not about to give up yet.

This is the 21st Century, you don't need a paper or a book to demonstrate your love.

29 JULY 2011.

一個新的開始

ha, smileys, ha

The language I speak is in the form of smileys and laughters

cause and effect

I don't think it's fair that I be contributing shit towards the cause when 2, 3 years back then YOU GUYS DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT US.

You left the beginners to struggle, and I was the one who was there to help them. While you guys just stuck to your own little social enclaves like you gave a fuck about the rest.

And as I speak, I know y'all probably don't even acknowledge my existence.. but haha that's fine by me. But you guys going around asking for help (and to help publicize), you can forget about it.

So, the next event is coming up, and if I do turn up, I'll be turning up for the sake of this one good pal I have. That's it. Not because I support the cause. 'cause y'all aint worth shit.

shinigamis and apologies

Shinigamis..

And suddenly the thought of death is somehow bestowed on me.. maybe through the most ridiculous dreams I've ever had.. Or perhaps it's the "Death Note" mangas I've been reading.

I don't care if I'm gonna die first. The only thing I wish is to have met you earlier.

All of a sudden my life seems so packed. There's this sudden anxiety about going back to school and you know, being put into a whole brand new institution. Well, not entirely new but after these 2 years, think many will be nervous to some extent.

This is the last chance man. I've gotta do it. Persevere for 3,4 years. No more excuses.

And damn. I want to do my music too. I want to travel. I want to be with my family, I want to see my relatives, I want to stick around with my friends. And maybe it's so true that I cling onto things too much, too often. Gotta learn to let go.

But motherfuckers you don't understand the magnitude, the severity of this shit.

And lol on a side note, think I've gotta learn to let go of that pride and learn to apologize. But I really didn't feel as though I made any contact at all. But since it's been proven that you've hurt yourself in the process, I'm sorry I wasn't the one who apologized first.

Basic German!

Let's learn some basic German! :)

Counting Numbers in German:

eins (ighnss)
2	zwei (tsvigh)
3	drei (drigh)
4	vier (feer)
5	fünf (fuunf)
6	sechs (zekhs)
7	sieben (ZEE-ben)
8	acht (ahkht)
9	neun (noyn)
10	zehn (tsayn)
11	elf (elf)
12	zwölf (tsvoolf)
13	dreizehn (DRIGH-tsayn)
14	vierzehn (FEER-tsayn)
15	fünfzehn (FUUNF-tsayn)
16	sechzehn (ZEKH-tsayn)
17	siebzehn (ZEEP-tsayn)
18	achtzehn (AHKH-tsayn)
19	neunzehn (NOYN-tsayn)
20	zwanzig (TSVAHN-tsikh)
21	einundzwanzig (IGHN-oont-tsvahn-tsikh)
22	zweiundzwanzig (TSVIGH-oont-tsvahn-tsikh)
23	dreiundzwanzig (DRIGH-oont-tsvahn-tsikh)
30	dreißig (DRIGH-sikh)
40	vierzig (FEER-tsikh)
50	fünfzig (FUUNF-tsikh)
60	sechzig (ZEKH-tsikh)
70	siebzig (ZEEP-tsikh)
80	achtzig (AHKH-tsikh)
90	neunzig (NOYN-tsikh)
100	(ein)hundert ([ighn]-HOON-dert)
200	zweihundert (TSVIGH-hoon-dert)
300	dreihundert (DRIGH-hoon-dert)
1000	(ein)tausend ([ighn]-TOW-zent)
2000	zweitausend (TSVIGH-tow-zent)
1,000,000	eine Million (igh-nuh mill-YOHN)
1,000,000,000	eine Milliarde (igh-nuh mill-YAR-duh) Note the difference to American English numbers, often wrong translated!
1,000,000,000,000	eine Billion (igh-nuh bill-YOHN)

half	halb (hahlp)
the half	die Hälfte (dee HELF-tuh)
less	weniger (VAY-nihg-er)
more	mehr (mayr)

Distractions.

You know you shouldn't but you are!

Getting distracted lol.

hypnosis

I developed the powers, the linguistic prowess

Now it's the only thing I've got, so I devour

They can try to take my material objects

As the connection between soul and body disconnects

Limitless mental capacity, I pursue

Till the death of the grim I know I'll pull it through

Hypnos is what makes you sleep, Thanatos at chimes

I'm the Baku, so when you sleep you don't dream at times

And at times the sleep is heavy you aren't ready

Defence against the dark arts no you can't savvy

Or catch the glimpse or the wink, as the battleship sinks

You are your own master, 'cause you are what you think..

walk the walk

And the world will look upon me like the death monster

When the girls look upon me like I'm the play master

I'm the great thinker, a late sleeper and a date keeper

Possessing the oracle, traits of the late cancer

And when the world blows me away they can thank me for this

Predicament, prophets, integrity and the abyss

The almighty world is at mercy of my fingertips

Make the ants and the bees play to the rules that I keep

They say death and sleep are like cousins, so they don't sleep

But I say fuck deaths and sleeps 'cause the city doesn't sleep

Dancing with the devil till the wee hours of each night

So death must be embedded within broad daylights

See the problem is we submit to death readily

The mind is more vulnerable than you think, irony

Lies between the lines we see in statements, declaration

Yet the subconscious refuses to admit the addiction

What do we see? What do we perceive? What do we believe?

Deliberate faith or the tricks up the magician's sleeve

I can sit here all day and talk gibberish talk

But when it comes to the walk you still have to walk the walk

old writtens

Getting all the unwanted attention in this town

But I guess everyone's just attracted to this clown

Need to get the fuck up, and get the fuck down

Exercise is the only way to shed those pounds..

Tell my aunt that she should be proud of the way she's raised her kids

I know how hard it is on a mother who's been through all that shit

Married to a lazy husband she doesn't want to acknowledge

Leo, hunger for that pride she cannot distort that clean image

Tell her how beautiful her two kids are, bright like shining stars

How they resemble the younger I, look how chubby they are

How they can be so carefree like I was back in the days

People tell them to stop eating but happy they should stay

Tell the food nutritionist to shut the fuck up, they know nothing

About the human soul that makes this chicken soup we drinking

How it cleanses our blood and makes us better individuals

That we should live to the fullest, there might be no tomorrow

And tell the doctors who refute the fundamental medicals

To keep workin' hard and prove they be thinking logical

The layman only trusts in the mainstream information

But never understood how that shit is prescribed education

Supergirl

[Verse 1]

Looking for a girl I can marry to be my wife

It's like a classic fairy tale played in my life

I met a girl who's a couple of years younger

Non-believer of love at first sight, so I looked over

But who was to know what I was missing in the first place

I was blinded to your angelic face, in the love race

Open-minded, but never the type to make the moves

I'm the shy type, so when it comes to love I always lose

Girl we're like the couple made in heaven, give this a listen

From the same land we in the same story, the same tandem

I can see so much in common between the two of us

Felt an instant connection the moment we met, plus

Smitten by the way you talk, the way you smile gracefully

The way you bring entertainment, acting hysterically

I ain't never felt this way about a girl in my life

So give me a chance, you know I can be your Mr. Right

[Hook]

Supergirl, Ms Independent

She doesn't need a man, she's the..

Supergirl, Ms Independent

Give me a chance to make amends

[Verse 2]

Talkin' bout the kind of songs we listen, movies we watch

From the childhood we had, to our hobbies, the sports

It was one chance to make it right, once chance to impress

Nothing special, 'cause that's how I always treat my guests

Over a cup of coffee, caramel or tea

Can we get away from the summer heat and just be me

Guys desperate after confinement in the army

But I always had options, not to brag but honestly

Them emo girls don't move me, I like the cheerful you

But I hate your mind games, that's a fact that's true

Friendly gestures, but stop keeping me guessing

I can't decipher if you're just nice or being friendly

Stop judging me like I'm already a bad boyfriend

'cause we can make it work if you'd give me a chance

I know you've got plenty of friendships to juggle with

But the thought of you I've got to handle with, wanna be with..

[Hook]

Supergirl, Ms Independent

She doesn't need a man, she's the..

Supergirl, Ms Independent

Give me a chance to make amends

Saddening Happiness

Happy man outside, a sad man inside

Most of y'all don't really wanna see my real side

'cause I have too much pride and I don't confide

In people I don't know, keeping distance in strides

Most of y'all equate bitches to women and sluts

But never knew the definition of true love

For one I've never had it too, thought love was true

Till I was dumped back then, yea I felt it too

See, I'm not about to emo on this blog again

Too many wasted minutes on stupid so-called friends

Attempt to vent, hatred inks with this pen

The high life, I could never really understand

Or contemplate the world with its order tipped over

Religion and faith I try to wave but I pushed over

'cause I ain't feelin' it, so I don't believe in it

Seein' is believing and I don't see the point of it

Played it cool, try to stay true but instead I turned blue

I ain't a scholar, but I ain't no motherfucking fool too
When they told me I was bottom of the meridian

You never gonna make it, so get out of the system

But I stuck with it, played with it, even rolled over it

And now see where I'm standin', on this same concrete

There are no blinds, there is no sign, and there is no line

No rules, so I'ma reclaiming the lost and what was mine

Clueless about the boundaries of the space of time

Facin' set-backs, but I declined and still deter-mined

To one day make it like the athletes who did it

Thru' the struggles and the fall, and proud of it

Sadness, can you express, take the stress test

From the tip of the high-est, this I confess

Pointless, to hide inside your blanket all day

Get a air fresher, an air breather, let it fade away

Clear the air with a little, music filled drizzle
Let the jazz fizzle, take away the miserable

Bosa Nova is good when it sets the mood

I love it the most, classic music is all good

I tapped my feet to it, attempt to dance

Fucked it up with bad rhythm 'cause I can't dance

But I didn't come out to dance, I came to have fun

Even if it means dancing alone with no one

Just wanna have a good time, this time is mine

Work and love, the two last things on my mind

But now that I mention it, awww fuck it

Painful memories tempt to evoke, but I just shut it

I am happy today, better than yesterday or the day before

Than I can imagine, within the soul's deepest core

Lies the happiest man on earth, you just gotta know it

A big wide smile to the sky, yes I too damn know it

I've gotten over it.

There's a drive and a sense of purpose.

'cause I love my fam more than I have ever I thought I did.

And there's music to do.. Looking forward to every recording.

The nights aren't that scary anymore huh. hahahaha. How silly.

I'm so happy and I damn I feel it. I'm so happy.

what.?

I'm swallowing cats and I don't mean it like a Chinese
I'm following facts and I don't mean it like a journalist
I be the conformist, what the rest of the people is
What the confirmed is, what the test of illegal is
The simple-lest cause of the root of all evil
Let's get away from devils with a rest sabbbatical
I'm the lyrical, so I'm never droppin the subject
To kill flows that's whack and rhymes that's whack
You better be running fast when the paper chase is back
You'll be whipping tears that pass and when the face is sad
Frowning like inverted vees when the tissue is off the sneeze
Clownin with favourite tees when I shoot the birds that wheeze

mood swing

I'm not really in the mood man.

July 8th is approaching and I can't focus.

It's not some girl problem or money problem or dilemma shit.

I think, and it seems like.. I'm still recovering from the depression.

Gotta set my mind straight, there's more problems to deal with, more things to accomplish.

WHO'S GONNA BUY THE GOD DAMN APARTMENT?!

I am.

WHO'S GONNA REALIZE HIS DREAM?

I am.

WHO'S GONNA LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST?

I am.

Smitten? I think I finally found someone I could speak at ease to.

WHO'S GONNA REALIZE HIS DREAM?

I am.

But it's tougher than you think. Wake up cousin.

Maisie Flowers

Dear Maisie

It's been seven years since we last met

Still remember when you encouraged me giving me a pat

When I was struggling with the stress and the pressure

Cracking up under the expectations on my god damn shoulders

I was barely 14 years old, never knew my life goals

Still dreaming away in my classes I had my own troubles to juggle

Girl problems, weight problems, teenage rebellion

Livin' in my own world thinkin' they were very big deals then

But then I had to grow up, I had to stay away

From the past memories that used to haunt me every single day

I missed my childhood, my friends who left me for good

But still fantasized that someday they would come to understood

That it was against my will, never wanted to leave this place

Never knew how many times I've cried for this one small place

Damn the world was so small then, now it's huge and boundless

But you understood how hard it was on an immigrant like us

It was like yesterday I saw you at one of those malls

And you looked pale and frail, thought something was wrong

But something held me back, and I didn't even greet you

Now I can only wish I could have said something sweet to

The one and only teacher I truly admire and respect

Who didn't try ta judge me even though I wasn't perfect

Too many money suckers educators in this industry

Pretending to care when all they care about is their salary

I'd bet you were the last of your kind in your golden time

These days it's hard to find an adult who'd cross the line

Take the leap of faith and courage and do the stuff you did

Showering love on them stupid and immature kids

Used to visit you once in a while in a single calendar year

Until in year 2 I decided it wasn't worth the effort or the tears

And a year later I realized my mistake

When a friend of mine said you were gone and dead..

Seems a lot of people don't remember your name

A child wondering why it always brought me such intense pain

Sorry that I took this long to finally say that I love you

Guess some words just had been kept too long inside too

Who would have known 7 years later I'd still remember you

As the motherly figure I looked up to, I'll remember you

Whenever I'm feeling down and I look at the sky

Try ta imagine your smile in the clouds, then I'd give a sigh

Wishin' I'd hugged you before you left

Because no one could have predicted their very own death

This is a simple verse I've been wanting to share

Even if I'm the only person in the world who'd even care

You meant so much to me and for that I'd say peace in heaven

dilemma 30.06.11

Don't mean to brag..

But hell I was damn pleasantly surprised to be offered the Tembusu College vacancy within 2hours after the interview. Cool shit. I think I did pretty well for the interview huh haha.

Ok now, gotta hope I get the god damn scholarship before I can confirm I'm down for this shit.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GET THE SCHOLARSHIP.

I know competition is tough, but I'm prepared to fight for it.

Your Notes My Notes

Weak weak whack!

Grow stronger, my brother!

You deserve so much better

Don't forget to hit 'My Notes'

I saw the sun rise, then the green grew
Weaving through the concrete cracks that we cling to
As long as I can hit my notes, I'ma
Try to keep up with my folks
I smelled rain that brought the flash flood
With a river of permanent tear drops and rap hugs
Bad luck, play with the effortless
So I backed away from quick benefits
She'd skin of those that spit venomous
Yeah that's him, he's the one that tips generous
Still trying to define my description
A life with a little spare time for living
But even if I wanna hold the position
I gotta go, like "Daddy don't know any different"
I saw the noon sky, look at the snow melt
I left most my baggage up in a hotel
As long as I can hit my notes, I'ma
Travel down that gravel road
I heard a bird cry - it was pathetic
Man, if you can fly, spread feathers like a message
As long as I can hit my notes, I'ma
Stay on top this box of soap
I felt the track slip, but didn't pull breaks
I'm half dead, but already got a full plate
As long as I can hit my notes...

Okay I'm thinking anyone reading these posts must be thinking I'm some crazy fucker always going berzerk lol.

Gotta get over this depression shit.

Stop writing raps and go play volleyball

So similar in many ways.

But I can't feel it.

Time.

I couldn't be there earlier right.

OH WHAT THE FUCK YOU DIDN'T FEEL THIS EMO WHEN YOU WERE IN THE ARMY.

SO STOP BEING EMO AND GO WRITE SOME RAPS LOL

Rap the phenomenal monster, in this motherfucking century

Words are the silent killers, I be in the motherfucking sanctuary

Poetry isn't what it used to be like back in the days of Shakespeare

It's degraded, so I be here to bring it back to the days of the yesteryears

I show no fear, just ca-ca-ca-carry on the tradition

These electrical shit ain't frontin', like lyrical malnourishment

Gotta bring the message in the truth, the money is just the bonus

But cats be like who the fuck are you to spit or judge upon us

Versatility is key to the skills of the truest emcee

Playin' with the styles, the ills to the truest emcee

Old school, new school, whatever the combination has to offer

As long as you spread the love and the knowledge cause knowledge is the power!

MAKE THEM PROUD!

再次堅強！

我愣住了，都怪偶個性太膽小..！可惡

下一句要說什麽，下一句不要又獻醜！

初戀第二遍，好犀利！

鴕鳥的心態不要有也不能有！堅強、堅強、堅強！

但是別忘了你要做的東西！

THE LOVE

THE PASSION

THE STABILITY!

1. 幫angel洗澡！吸地板、洗衣服！去跑步運動！
2. 朝7月8日截止日期前進進攻！！！
3. 找一份permanent part time! 又要再教補習嗎？你確定？！想清楚點噢

堅強！

好多事情要完成，

太少時間給平凡人！

怎麽辦我又想哭了

我要堅強！

Rewind and Play

怎麽感覺不到自己有比較特別？

只不過就是這小命一條！

One life is not worth more than another!

但是星期三的畫面一直不斷重復在我腦海裏..！

2011年6月23日淩晨po在facebook上的留言我一直一直的在想！

我從早上起來就一直不斷想~

一直想若呆久一點會有多好，但是，我始終還是要回來新加坡念完大學。

呆太久我怕離開時會更難過

潔妹、昱昱、丞丞
很對不起這次沒太多時閒陪你們玩

阿公、阿嫲
很對不起這次沒幫忙做家務，而且常晚上很晚才到家所以沒陪你們聊天

（姨姨）葉明玲
很對不起沒機會幫你們家兩個可愛的小瓜補英文，不然你下次送他們來新加坡我幫他們補好了（可是英文不標準別怪我啊呵呵）
也很對不起每次回去都很麻煩你；尤其這次安排行程真的多虧你的幫忙（想坐車路綫&訂飯店），讓我同學玩得很愉快。真的非常感謝妳

（婷婷姐姐）Peggy Wang
很對不起只能幫你照顧潔妹幾天，不過那短短的幾個小時讓我重溫小時候天真可愛的模樣！雖然沒吃到二樓餐廳的美味西餐，但是很謝謝你從小到大都那麽照顧我們 :) 最後我當然也要謝謝你幫我訂租車服務，行程才能那麽順利的完成！
還是很懷念以前我們晚上睡覺前講故事..但是不論是鬼故事還是感性的故事我都很愛聼，下次回去你一定要講給我聼！

（姐夫）莊豈豪
這是你和姐姐結婚後我們交談最多話的一次（其實我們今年2月才第一次碰面），雖然也不是很多話，但是能感覺出你待人誠懇，爲人友善又很關心！還記得上次我眼睛整個腫起來你幫我去買葯我有感動到

！謝謝你啦！希望能很快能再見面！

舅舅&舅媽
很對不起每次回來都讓你們“破壞”，這次還請了我所有的同學吃麵讓我太有面子啦哈哈！謝謝你們訂的玉荷包讓我們家裏這次沒去臺灣的也有口福！回到新加坡這東西又貴又難吃的‘美食天堂’，長期住在這會想吃你們的拉麵、炸醬麵、味噌麵、蒜頭麵、紅油抄手！期待媽媽到時打包你們的滷味回來呵呵我很饞嘴吧
這次回去真的太短了，我都還沒機會聼舅舅說些道理，還沒機會跟舅舅學日語！等我日語念好點回去再跟你請教！

薩韻阿姨
很對不起這次回去才看到妳那麽兩次！:( 回到新加坡我會很想念在店裏幫忙你搞幽默！

（濃濃）ヨウ シコウ
很對不起這次回去才睡你們家2次，我們沒打到電動，而且片子還沒看完呢！請你別太快入伍，不然我下次回去臺灣就沒有可以一起熬夜的伴了 =p （不過其實快入伍當完兵也不錯）至少我這次回去有去你比賽支持你，將我人生中的第一次獻給了你 --- 我是說第一次現場看棒球賽啦！你有感動嗎哈哈

蜜蜜
謝謝你照顧我最愛的表哥，但是你也太愛他了吧，讓他每年體重都有進步哈哈！我去看濃比賽你還特別整理準備家裏讓我睡得很舒適，謝謝你！你們家真的好整齊！

姨丈
謝謝你對我們都有求必應；每次回新加坡去桃園機場坐飛機都麻煩你開車；那第一航廈的停車場修那麽久怎麽還沒修好啦

姨媽
雖然我沒表達出來，但看到你好很多我心裏真的很開心。其實我有時候一個人的時候會常想你以前常帶我去大安森林公園散步，喂鴨子吃麵包！時間真的不等人，一轉眼我快21嵗了！
請你要好好保重照顧身體啊

不管別人會不會說我寫這些是做秀，但是我在飛機起飛時看到高速公

路的路燈，我想起16天前我剛抵達台北的那感覺；雖然吸進肺裏的都是污染的空氣，但是它有個味道叫做家。到了這裡，我留下一滴滴的小眼淚，我哭了！

我此刻能夠體會媽媽以前離開臺灣要回去新加坡的心情，才覺得其實我這不算什麽~ 我答應自己要勇敢下去，我要認真的讀好書，完成我的使命！

謝謝你們的愛！

2011年6月06日 晚上我到了台灣，和8位高中同學開始環游台灣
2011年6月23日 淩晨1:30回到了新加坡，等待大學生活的開始，下定了決心..!

July 8th 2011

deadline 1!

無私的愛

真的很想你們

真的很愛你們

I didn't feel a tinge when I was serving in the army for 2 FUCKING YEARS.

But then I went back and.. I still felt the love and the homeliness.

I'M SORRY.. DAMN I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE MISSED FOR THAT 2 YEARS.

But I'm determined not to let it go that easily like I did.

They say home is where the heart is. And it's just been proven again.

I will never let you guys down ever again

• Family, Peace and Health [THE LOVE]
• Academics, the Career, the Lyricism and the Music [THE PASSION]
• Funds and Finance [THE STABILITY]

Not to say only these 3 matter, but anything else can fall down the pecking order.

spammers

removed the annoying chat box.

if you really have anything to say to me you would call me.

FUCKING SPAMMERS

today 22 june 2011

today, i cried.

i miss you guys already.

just wanted to say i love y'all.

today, i cried.

l.o.v.e. & h.i.p. h.o.p.

Shit I think i'm in

Loopin rounds set up by the fuckin' cupids circling around
Oliver can't even twist the plot in this depressing town
Violet rays, violet sprays, blue-coloured space, romanticised plays
Evolution in each chapter, like the lost in the maze

I'm trying to understand this concept by reversing the roles
Never intended to drop the passion or to sell my soul
Still in love with this genre ever since the day I met her
But there's more about this one person I've yet to discover..

She's cast me under a spell and so please oh please oh please wish me well!

lyricist in the making

who's the fucking lyricist?

just a thought (1)

Just a Thought (1)

In a democracy the president and/ or the prime minister is elected by the people to serve the people isn't it?

So is the leadership position a/an prestigious/ elitist one? Or one that is honourable and dignified?

Are we surrendering the power of our votes and giving authority and right to be governed?

If the leadership role was one to serve the people, then why do we have to pin up the pictures of the leader and the first lady at the top of assembly halls?

Conventional truth: the leader is one to be respected

But the truth of the matter is that they are there to serve the people. If so, then as like military personnels, such roles should be lower in rank than the people.

Open your eyes to see and your ears to listen to the people.

Be the change. Demonstrate humility and pin the picture further below the national flag (I know it already is, but further below).. below the stage and at our eye-level. We should respect and look up to him as our leader - but he is not above us. The job is not a prestigious one, but one that should be honoured.

Lol what am I even saying. I might be put behind bars for even having such thoughts, but I still be recording some thoughts on this blog. And don't forget that this is a personal blog. You shouldn't even have a right to be reading this shit and then condemning it because you have a choice to not believe in it. Piss off.!

Peace 228, fuck tyrants!

time. curiousity & suspicion. and break the power.

The second and minute hands are intertwining
And in the glass the grains of sands are underlining
Undermining the shadow patterns of the sun
Redundant in the nights of the hundred and one
Mandatory regurgitations, the mathematics
But the simple life is beyond the naked statistics
I know what governmental heads are trying to make me
So don't try to fool me, don't try to break me
See you thru' like dilated pupils of the gods of death;
I be blind to what I lack and content with what I have
Time always catches up with the procrastinator
But to the day of light time is invisible on paper
It does not exist! So bend the laws of metaphysics!
Pour some kerosene and ignite it with barrels and rigs
Seconds do not tick and chimes do not talk
But good ol' grandfather still be goin' tick-a-tick tock

Guess you still can't put a value on time afterall
Balancing the stress on my humbled mind with each fall
I'm an infant on all fours and the soldier on the floor
Step by step, crawl by crawl as I inch towards the door..

Into the vacuum, into the black hole
To the infinity, to the unknown
To the wholeness of the fruitfulness
Beautiful gardens.. and then nothingness

This is but one life on this lonely planet of ours
Stay humble, stay curious, better yet stay adventurous
Taste the fruit of forbidden and the thorns on flowers
Whatever it takes to rebel against the right of the power

get the fuck out

I cannot manipulate your brain, I cannot control your mouth or decide what comes out of it.

But I fucking hate people who constantly have misconceptions of this land that I love and adore so so so so so greatly, and people who cannot see past the facade that the puppet masters want you to see, or the 'truth' they potray to you that you readily accept it as the ultimate truth.

Read your history, read your books.

This land has its own unique culture, with its tasty local delicacies that you cannot find elsewhere, its friendly people who always make me feel at home, its pretty and nice women who epitomize beauty of mother nature, and its very active aging population, one in which even the elderly are not left behind in its progress. It's even more than its picturesque sceneries that so few people, like myself, appreciate.

It however, also unfortunately a branding of its own; i hate how this country's tourism industry has been commercialised.

Come my 21st birthday this year, I know I'll be taking the oath and surrendering my option to become a citizenship of this country I love. I've been saying I don't have a choice when in fact I do. But it just makes more logical sense that I be doing what I'm gonna do because of the disappointments I've had with the direction this land is heading off in. I've been thinking if I be the one who actually makes the difference, but I'm too powerless to do anything in the first place anyway.

No matter, this land, this republic will still be my country, whether or not I possess her citizenship or her passport.

And no matter how much I appreciate or adore the cultures, history or languages of other foreign countries including, but not exclusive to, that of Japan, Korea, Thailand, Latin America or the European Countries, this country is my home and it will always be my home.

God damn there's still 4 days left but I can't bear to countdown to the day I leave this country.

But I just wanted to say: stop telling me how much you miss the weather or the food or the sceneries or the nice people or the night markets or the nice old people or the beautiful women. Because you don't know what it feels like to be me. And you probably will never emphatize with me.

So, go back to your comfortable house, your comfy little air-conditioned room with your comfy little bed tucked in with your comfy blanket. Brag about your certificates or your car/ motorcycle, your house or the places you've been to. Or any other material possessions or personal achievements you have. Because I don't give a fuck and this place doesn't need more people like you.

Education has failed but we need to see past the fact and know what exactly is failing the society. And maybe, just look into the mirror in your bathroom and you might stand a good chance of finding out the answer.

Live in the cute little world of your own and leave me alone. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

And haha, this is nothing personal by the way. hahaha

what

Woke up today with one less responsibility on my shoulders
Like the undercover soldier who turned out to be the officer
It is a misfit, these shoes are too big, doubting if my feet can fit
But I know these friends ain't worth the lines written on your script

終于..

終于如釋重負了~

english. chinese?

English or Chinese..

Damn I miss writing already.

stupid. chapter. twenty.one. shit.

DISCLAIMER: This ain't out to diss or disrespect nobody.

I don't know.. but..

I sorta regretted coming on this DAMN STUPID CHAPTER 21 SHIT.

But I gotta admit I enjoyed myself whilst during the tour around the Taiwan trip; it's my first commendable feat, a personal achievement I must say. It did allow me to experience a very different holiday in Taiwan - it made me fall in love with Taiwan once again. But this Taiwan I fell in love with seems very superficial - I'm only in love with Southern Taiwan. Northern Taiwanese are still as unfriendly and snobbish (but of course they still have their fair share of nice people) as I remembered.

I come from Taipei, a city in Northern Taiwan. And that (the above statement) coming from me means something. It means a lot in fact. I love Taiwan, I love this island, but it seems nowadays this island has sold its soul for the money.

And it saddens me greatly. I miss the Taiwan that Ee Yen in his childhood lived in.

I don't know. I just don't love you as much as I thought I did. And then I came back and, fuck you, I'm all messed up and confused again.

But I'm glad you cleared up one thing for me. And you made me realize how fucked up some people are. I'm probably never gonna keep in touch with them ever again. It's an experience, a lesson learnt. But these people, some of whom I thought were gonna be long-lasting friends I was gonna keep, can't see eye-to-eye with me. And I hate the fact that I ain't shit to them. And them not appreciating my efforts. I've done so much for them, I've invested so much time and effort and money trying to create the perfect schedule for them. But they ain't interested in that kinda shit. Fucking accountants and rich people with they calculative mindset and practices. You motherfuckers cannot see past the material value the puppet masters want us to see, and you want every cent to be calculated to the dot. That's FUCKED UP. I didn't ask for anything in return when I spent so much, when I expended so much energy in this. And what have you guys done for this trip? FUCKING SHEEPS..

But why can't you at least try to show some appreciation and stop yakking along the GOD DAMN FUCKING TRIP.

On hind sight, I was wrong to start making a fuss out of that. But then again, in retrospect, I probably should have expected this shit when I agreed to be your tour-slave-guide. I am not your maid, I am not your GOD DAMN TRANSLATOR. I was supposed to be your friend. F-R-I-E-N-D. FRIEND.

Maybe they were right all along. Who was I kidding? I am a fucking cancer, I cannot trust you. I love my family more than you guys can ever imagine. Somehow, if I had the chance again to choose between bringing you guys around or just chilling around with my relatives... Jesus, I'd rather spend time with my relatives. Yep, all of the fucking 12days I spent with y'all. Don't get me wrong, I cherish the time I spent travelling, sight-seeing and immersing myself in the love of the Taiwan heartbeat. But I just felt that I did those on my own - I don't think you guys felt the same way that I did, but the times I loved were the ones I spent on my own - I did.

And even if it meant missing all the nice places I went to this time around, I think I would have done that.

The only other person who can relate to me would be the one with the initials C, S and J. So unless you are him, don't talk shit to me. You don't know how much effort I have put in while you guys were away enjoying your fucking holiday in Europe (don't forget who posted that shit on f.b. when we were planning to leave you out for this trip, and who made us spent that extra dollars because of the delay due to all the compromising in between), and working yo ass off for pitiful extra bucks in your miserable part-time jobs.

Tell me, are you gonna blame it on your upbringing or the culture you came from? Come on, I'm sure you don't have to be poor to show some empathy. Buddha was born into a royal family. I'm from a middle-income family. You guys are just people in the upper middle class. So that doesn't give you a right to behave the way you did.

I might be saying this while my mind loses itself amid the anger and the frustration, but I still be saying this not because of the little pennies I spent on you worthless people, or that you ain't showing appreciation for me, or, or, or you ordering me around like your maid.. but 'coz I'm not the type who puts his hand over his mouth:

but YOU FUCKING SELF-RIGHTEOUS AND SELFISH PEOPLE.
(not everyone of u of course, but you know who you are)

And it just proves you do not understand life, or the completeness of it.

Well, did I offend you?

Good, maybe that's because you are my friend. NO MORE :)

stupid. chapter. twenty. one. shit.

留給7月14日生日的留言

留給7月14日生日的留言


親愛的你：

等了21年我們正式結婚了，但我始終無法感覺到你的愛，我想我這一輩子也沒辦法給你想擁有的歸屬感，但我會盡力，請你給我一個機會！

新加坡



... ... ... ...



親愛的新加坡：

雖然宣了誓，但偶還是在等待，等待有一天偶曾經愛的人能醒悟。

偶想回到偶的愛人的身邊，偶想回到我們以前恩愛的日子，偶想再愛她一遍！

請你要相信，其實我也是愛你的，要不然我也不會將我寶貴的2年獻給你！

只是偶的心已給了別人，但偶知道偶已經和你結婚了，就只請你給偶多一點時間來適應這段婚姻吧。

我

留給6月22日飛回去新加坡的留言

留給6月22日飛回去新加坡的留言

親愛的你：

偶改變了，也出賣了偶的靈魂，但請你不要忘記當初的愛！

台灣

Stagnate.

This is the hardest part of any mountain climb

The starting is the easiest 'cause the slope ain't that steep

As you climb upwards there goes the directional signs

No compass, no maps, just your faith and confidence leaps

In between the phases it's a mental battle

I'm losing my patience and getting temperamental

I've seen so much but there's more roads to cover

What does it take to inch towards the top a little closer

Complacency sets in, but I'm about to fight back

Determined not to let it knock me off the fucking track

But I've been wondering where do I even start

Jack of tricks but master of none of the fucking cards

A sign from somewhere, God or someone, would help

However no push or pull is gonna push or pull myself

Gotta take that step myself, gotta walk the walk myself

Maybe someday will I get the chance to prove myself

HOME

What is home to you? A house stringed up with a touch of glue

Full of endless fights and arguments you can relate to

When the night falls and the birds flock in the same feather

Back to their nest where they call out their papas & mamas

But this home is a broken home, every life for they-self

And when you're alone on your own, every life for yourself

A typical dysfunctional family fuck up

And no one understands you, you wish you could wake up

But this ain't no dream, you still the god-damn dreamer

And the line between painter and dreamer gets a little thinner

One-of-a-kind artist, but you gotta stay realistic

When the stomachs growl at night, you gotta be realistic

Work of art is like the solo game of solitaire

No matter how hard i'ma do it till the window is bare

And when the game ends I swear to share my story

About this place I used to call home with pride and glory